Very Specific Football Question No.56: Are West Ham the worst team in the Premier League?

Can you complete this pattern of five football scores?

1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, __

And the answer is… 1-0!

Did you get it? If you did, you must have worked out that those are the five scorelines by which West Ham United have won Premier League matches this season.

The teams they have beaten are Bournemouth, Crystal Palace, Sunderland, Burnley and Hull.

The first thing you’ll notice is that none of those teams are great, but what you might not be aware of is that West Ham were lucky to beat all of them.

Here’s a quick recap of West Ham’s 2016/17 victories:

Bournemouth: The Hammers have two shots on target in the entire match, which is eventually settled by Michail Antonio’s 85th minute header – but only after a poor Cherries side have Harry Arter sent off.

Crystal Palace: Manuel Lanzini’s goal is the decider in another poor game, although Christian Benteke’s penalty miss leaves the Eagles kicking themselves.

Sunderland: The winless Black Cats restrict the Hammers to few chances until Winston Reid scores in the 94th minute – a goal opposition manager David Moyes insists is offside.

Burnley: After Mark Noble’s penalty-rebound edges the Hammers ahead in first-half injury time, the Clarets spurn several chances to equalise after the break as Slaven Bilic’s side struggle.

Hull: The Tigers hit the woodwork three times in a dominant display but the Hammers get the points after being awarded a contentious late penalty, which Noble converts.

In other words, there’s not much good material for the season highlights showreel just yet.

Teams down at the bottom, especially those with talented squads who were expected to do better, can invariably trot out a series of hard-luck stories detailing how many places higher in the table they would be if they’d had the rub of the green. Bad refereeing, missed chances and last-gasp defeats litter the narrative of every relegation battle.

But peculiarly, although West Ham have performed way below expectations this season, they have still amassed far more points than their displays have warranted, and had more good luck than bad.

The only game where they can realistically claim to have deserved better is November’s 3-2 defeat by Tottenham, whom they led 2-1 with a few minutes remaining. But even on that occasion, the Hammers only had themselves to blame for some poor late defending.

In the other seven games the Hammers have lost, they could have few complaints, and the same goes for the times they have drawn.

Which leads us back to the five matches they won. All could have been – and in most cases probably should have been – draws.

There’s one glaring conclusion to be reached from this, which is that West Ham haven’t truly played well on a single occasion this season. Not one.

This would be an unflattering reality for any team 17 games into a campaign, but it’s made even more shocking when we consider the heights West Ham reached last year, as Bilic crafted a side of vibrant attacking flair that beat almost every top team in the country.

Especially odd is that the players are pretty much the same. For instance, all 11 of the line-up that were outplayed by Hull at the weekend were regulars in last term’s dazzling side.

Bilic has not suffered from excessive injuries. Diafra Sakho and Andy Carroll (obviously) have been missed in attack, but both players were actually deemed surplus to requirements in the summer as the Irons sought to replace them with a “top striker”. The man they eventually signed was Bilic’s choice, Simone Zaza.

In midfield and defence, the team personnel is familiar, but the performances – in comparison to last season – are not.

Bilic’s formation change from 4-2-3-1 to a new-look 3-4-3 steadied the ship following four successive heavy defeats in September, but it has failed to get the best from his side. Although on paper West Ham look like a top-half side, based on performance level they have objectively been the worst team in the top flight in 2016/17.

Nineteen points and 13th place is a disappointing tally for West Ham so far. But had they not narrowly scraped five 1-0 wins, they would have just nine points, which would have left them bottom.

Bilic has been fortunate. Six points from the must-win fixtures against Burnley and Hull have given the Hammers a platform to (very) belatedly kickstart their season. It makes the upcoming Christmas period a crucial one for club and manager.

But unless performances improve drastically, the Hammers are likely to spend the New Year looking over their shoulders rather than aiming for the stars.

Follow @darlingkevin on Twitter

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