BDL's Ranking Rosters: Measuring depth in the Atlantic Division
Stars guide the NBA. Set your watch by LeBron James contending in June. Kevin Durant joined Stephen Curry, Klay Thompson and Draymond Green in Golden State, and we all know how that will turn out. (Hint: Pretty good.) Fill out the rest of that roster with 11 Mark Madsens, and they’ll still vie for a title.
But few stars push teams to the playoffs alone. Ask Carmelo Anthony. Or DeMarcus Cousins. After 10 straight playoff appearances to begin his career, the former has seen his season end in April three years running. And the latter has landed in the lottery every season since entering the league in 2010.
Depth and continuity count in the NBA, too, and that’s why we’re here. We ranked every roster, one through 12, mostly because that’s how many players a team activates each game (and partly since 15 is more effort). Then, we broke divisions down by depth, sorting teams into four distinct categories:
• Stars: You know ’em when you see ’em
• Supporting actors: Starting-caliber NBA players
• Role players: Possess a very particular set of skills
• Extras: Putting the RP in VORP
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Likewise, we noted each roster’s additions (“standing in”) and subtractions (“edited out”).
These subjective rankings are based on depth and continuity, or lack thereof, and not a prediction of where teams will finish in the standings, even if they’re often intertwined ideas. Newly formed or existing star-studded squads may fare better than ones with longer-running or stronger supporting casts, although a revolving door or bottom-heavy roster is almost always a target for rotten tomatoes.
Without further ado: The Atlantic Division.
1. Boston Celtics
• Stars: Al Horford, Isaiah Thomas
• Supporting actors: Jae Crowder, Avery Bradley, Marcus Smart, Amir Johnson, Kelly Olynyk
• Role players: Jaylen Brown, Jonas Jerebko, Terry Rozier, Tyler Zeller, Gerald Green
Standing in: Brown, Green, Horford
Edited out: Jared Sullinger, Evan Turner
Picture “Ocean’s Eleven.” Or maybe “Ocean’s Twelve” is more apt. Boston’s cast is deep, but there are two clear-cut stars at the top of the bill — Horford (George Clooney) and Thomas (Brad Pitt) — followed by a third, Crowder (Matt Damon), a cut below. The rest of the crew is a talented mix of veterans, up-and-comers and just plain rock-solid types like Bradley (Don Cheadle). All we need to figure out is whether Olynyk’s hair or Rozier’s love for spaghetti sandwiches is Bernie Mac’s comic relief. One thing’s for certain: Green’s elasticity makes him The Amazing Yen.
Anyway, the end product is entertaining enough to watch whenever it’s on, but won’t necessarily clean up during award season. Fitting for these Celtics after two straight first-round playoff exits.
2. Toronto Raptors
• Stars: Kyle Lowry, DeMar DeRozan
• Supporting actors: DeMarre Carroll, Jonas Valanciunas, Patrick Patterson, Cory Joseph
• Role players: Norman Powell, Terrence Ross, Jared Sullinger
• Extras: Jakob Poeltl, Lucas Nogueira, Delon Wright
Standing in: Poeltl, Sullinger
Edited out: Biyombo, James Johnson, Luis Scola
The Raptors are “Degrassi: The Next Generation,” obviously. They’re Canadian, Drake’s involved, somehow, and the friendship between Emma (Lowry) and Manny (DeRozan) powers the show. The remaining cast is ever-evolving, from popular kids (Carroll) to bullies (Valanciunas) and even someone battling a weight problem (Sullinger). I’m pretty sure “Bebe” Nogueira could’ve been in an episode of “Degrassi: The Next Generation,” and we all would’ve said, “That seems about right.”
They’re a likable bunch, in a cult classic kind of way, but nobody takes them all that seriously.
3. Philadelphia 76ers
• Stars: Ben Simmons.
• Supporting actors: Dario Saric, Nerlens Noel, Jahlil Okafor, Joel Embiid, Robert Covington
• Role players: Gerald Henderson, Jerryd Bayless, Sergio Rodriguez
• Extras: Hollis Thompson, Nik Stauskas, T.J. McConnell
Standing in: Bayless, Henderson, Luwawu, Rodriguez, Saric, Simmons
Edited out: Elton Brand, Isaiah Canaan, Carl Landry, Kendall Marshall, Ish Smith, Christian Wood
“The Outsiders.” Incredible, if unproven, young cast. Characters are stuck in a bad situation, and you wonder if they’ll ever get out, no matter what good they do. Simmons is C. Thomas Howell, the perfect Ponyboy, full of promise. Likewise, Saric, Noel, Okafor and Embiid may all become stars — a la Patrick Swayze, Rob Lowe, Tom Cruise and Matt Dillon. Or they could be Ralph Macchio and Emilio Estevez, carving out decent careers, especially early, but not A-list material. In this scenario, Stauskas is definitely a Social. If only the Sixers had a Diane Lane, then they might really be headed for greatness.
We’ll look back on this roster with reverence. And whichever big man Philly packages in a trade — the Johnny of this “Outsiders” Process — let’s just hope he tells Simmons to “stay gold” on his way out.
4. New York Knicks
• Stars: Carmelo Anthony, Kristaps Porzingis, Derrick Rose, Joakim Noah
• Supporting actors: Courtney Lee, Brandon Jennings
• Role players: Lance Thomas, Kyle O’Quinn
• Extras: Willy Hernangomez, Sasha Vujacic, Mindaugas Kuzminskas, Marshall Plumlee
Standing in: Hernangomez, Jennings, Kuzminskas, Lee, Noah, Plumlee, Rose
Edited out: Arron Afflalo, Jose Calderon, Langston Galloway, Jerian Grant, Robin Lopez, Kevin Seraphin, Derrick Williams
“The Expendables 2,” and I think you know where I’m going. A past-his-prime Sylvester Stallone (Anthony) shares the stage with fellow fallen stars Arnold Schwarzenegger (Rose) and Jean-Claude Van Damme (Noah), all while Liam Hemsworth (Porzingis) lurks as an action hero of the future. Some others are recognizable, if not all that great, like Dolph Lundgren (Lee) and Chuck Norris (Jennings), and you pray Willy Hernangomez is an absolute killer — like Jason Statham on the basketball court.
Most of the budget is spent on big names, and even the guy who put this ragtag cast together knows the end result doesn’t matter as much. A lot of hype, not much payoff, but fun to watch nonetheless.
5. Brooklyn Nets
• Stars: Brook Lopez
• Supporting actors: Jeremy Lin
• Role players: Bojan Bogdanovic, Trevor Booker, Rondae Hollis-Jefferson, Luis Scola, Greivis Vasquez, Randy Foye
• Extras: Justin Hamilton, Caris LeVert, Anthony Bennett, Joe Harris
Standing in: Bennett, Booker, Foye, Hamilton, Harris, LeVert, Lin, Scola, Vasquez
Edited out: Markel Brown, Wayne Ellington, Jarrett Jack, Sergey Karasev, Shane Larkin, Willie Reed, Thomas Robinson, Donald Sloan, Thaddeus Young
The Nets are a Lifetime movie starring Dean Cain. Lopez is Cain. Cain is Lopez. Technically, they’re leading men, but leading towards what is the question. Disaster, that’s what. And by Christmastime, they’re appearance is an annual reminder you don’t need to watch again until next season (i.e., such Dean Cain classics as “A Christmas Wedding,” “The Dog Who Saved Christmas,” “A Nanny for Christmas, “The Dog Who Saved Christmas Vacation,” “The Case for Christmas” and “A Dog for Christmas.”)
But don’t worry, Caris LeVert, Academy Award-winning actress Reese Witherspoon made her on-screen debut in a Lifetime movie, too, so there’s hope for your career, yet.
Previously, on Ranking Rosters:
Eastern Conference: Atlantic Division • Central Division • Southeast Division
Western Conference: Pacific Division • Southwest Division • Northwest Division
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is a contributor for Ball Don’t Lie and Shutdown Corner on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at rohrbach_ben@yahoo.com or follow him on Twitter! Follow @brohrbach
