Colorful translation

MONTREAL – Formula One fans must be choking on their caviar.

NASCAR barged in on a road course reserved for the blue bloods of motorsports and turned it into what looked like the set of "The Jerry Springer Show."

It was shameful, preposterous and borderline barbaric. It also was suspenseful, chaotic and wildly entertaining.

It was NASCAR at its best, and NASCAR at its worst. And it was a helluva way to introduce the sport to Canadians. Racing fans here are accustomed to the sleek Formula One cars and their high-pitched screams down the straightaway. But in NASCAR, Canadians learned, the only screaming is between angry drivers.

They also might have wondered if they’d just witnessed a demolition derby, albeit with the boxy, technologically bereft cars reaching speeds of 170 mph down the straightaway before hitting the turns and spinning, and colliding and behaving as madly and unpredictably as the drivers themselves.

Instead of Michael Schumacher making a key pass on the final lap of victory, it was good, old-fashioned NASCAR strategy: out-of-my-freaking-way, sheet-metal-bending, no-holds-barred, every-man-for-himself. It was a show that might have appalled the F1 fans, but also will have most of the fans who jammed the Circuit Gilles Villeneuve road course as if it were hosting their beloved Montreal Canadiens coming back for more to see a motorsports show only NASCAR can deliver.

In fact, all that was missing here Saturday was a brawl of epic proportions, with crew chiefs throwing lug nuts and monkey wrenches, drivers hurling helmets and epithets, and a couple of hair-pulling Budweiser girls in the fray for good measure. Fortunately, there's always next year. NASCAR is scheduled to come back – if it can get across the border without being detained.

Even without the benefit of total mayhem, NASCAR made an indelible mark in a country that no longer need be embarrassed about its hockey goons, who now seem downright civil in light of the behavior on display here.

When the race ended, reporters all but ignored the official winner. They were too busy chasing down drivers Robby Gordon and Marcos Ambrose and a NASCAR official to explain what the heck just happened. It might take until next year to sort out.

Until the final four laps, the NAPA Auto Parts 200 was so free of controversy they could have renamed it the Canada Dry. Then all hell, er, NASCAR broke out. Suddenly no one seemed to care that this was only a Busch Series race, without marquee names like Dale Earnhardt Jr., Tony Stewart and Jeff Gordon – all because a sport whose roots date back to bootleggers outrunning the law and rumbling through the hills of Carolina with a car full of moonshine reared its ugly and entertaining head.

The entertainment came with just a few laps remaining when Scott Pruett spun out in the first turn and no fewer than five cars collided as smoked and cheers filled the air. Then came the ugly: Robby Gordon.

Avoiding the pileup in Turn 1, Ambrose and Gordon raced for the lead. Before the caution flag came out, it was caution be damned. Gordon banged by but then, after the caution finally flew, lost control of his car. Of course, Ambrose offered some, shall we say, help, in delivering an uppercut with his front bumper. Gordon's car was spinning, and he was fuming. Later, with the yellow caution flag out, came the screaming.

Gordon was back on the track and chasing after Ambrose. When he finally caught up, he slowed his car in a menacing fashion next to the Australian driver. Instead of a shrimp on the barbie, Gordon wanted the Australian on the barbie, and through his open window screamed as much.

Canadians didn’t need a lip-reader to know that the language was as colorful as what was unfolding. For 70 of the 75 laps, it was mostly ho-hum. Then it was holy …

The fun was just beginning.

NASCAR officials, ruling Gordon had failed to maintain a cautious pace when the yellow flag came out after the pileup, ordered Gordon to drop back into 13th place. Heh-heh-heh. Move back to 13th? Abide by the orders? Maybe in F1 racing.

Gordon ignored the officials.

NASCAR officials responded angrily, ordering Gordon off the track. Gordon responded defiantly, continuing to drive. The Canadians responded with amusement, some fans breaking out into the wave while relishing the wave of chaos on the track. Ah, NASCAR.

Though Gordon continued his petulant and personal race to the finish, more dramatics unfolded. Kevin Harvick had shot into the official lead, with French-Canadian driver Patrick Carpentier close behind. As they swerved around the final turn, a hairpin inviting disaster, Carpentier's car bumped Harvick's, lifting its mangled bumper into the air before Harvick shook loose, skidded into the straightaway and bolted down straightaway and across the finish line. Of course, the show was hardly finished.

Gordon burned rubber near Victory Lane, climbed on the hood of his car and thrust his arms into the air as if he’d won the race. It was WWE on wheels, only unscripted, because not even Vince McMahon could dream this stuff up.

Moments later, while Harvick was holding the winner's trophy, Gordon – who later was benched for Sunday's Cup race at Pocono – was stalking from the officials' trailer, waving a rule book in the air and again declaring himself the winner. Ambrose was smiling through gritted teeth and vowing not to get angry, though he said, "I might need two years of therapy."

NASCAR might need extra security. Canadian driver Ron Fellows, whose car got sideswiped in the pileup triggered by Pruett, sounded about as happy as Gordon. He indicated he'd be looking for revenge when he saw his fellow combatants, er, drivers next weekend at the Watkins Glen International road course in New York.

"The good news is they'll scatter," he said. "We'll bring a good old hockey stick to the Glen – one that's kind of sharp on the end and kind of busted."

Harvick, by then in the interview room, took it all in with a sly smile. It was the smile of someone who'd survived food fight without a single stain on his white shirt.

"The last five laps were kind of wild," Harvick said, for the benefit of fans who might have been blindfolded. " … We got pushed a little and we did some pushing.

"I think the fans liked what they saw"

Liked it? Please. This was NASCAR at its worst, and NASCAR at its best. Except for the F1 fans choking on their caviar, the Canadians loved it.