Robin van Persie misses penalty after blatant Ashley Young dive to maintain cosmic balance

Brooks Peck
November 5, 2013

Manchester United's Champions League group stage match against Real Sociedad was all about balance. The yin and yang. Not only did it end in a 0-0 draw, but the major events within the second half of the match suggested that powerful forces were at play and keeping David Moyes' side in check.

Before the match, Chicharito retweeted an article about him wanting to leave the club and early in the second half he had a shocking miss from point-blank range. A bit later, Ashley Young won a penalty with yet another clear dive in the box and Robin van Persie hit the post with his ensuing penalty attempt.

The biggest issue here remains Ashley Young's inability to stay on his feet, though. Even though Moyes publicly condemned his diving and privately reprimanded him for it less than two months ago, he still continues to embarrass himself by doing it. His body is drawn to the ground. Is it a sexual fetish? A phobia of standing upright for 90 minutes at a time? A refusal to believe that he's incapable of flying inspired by R. Kelly?

Whatever it is, it isn't going away and referees keep falling for it, so maybe he should be forced to take up a new profession where his desperate need to feign contact and fall down is more appropriate. He could make a great Hollywood stuntman. The use of CGI might even make his dives convincing.