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Dirty Tackle

If it continued… (Spain v Italy, Euro 2012 final)

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle

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Buffon jams his glove in his ear. (Getty)

Spain made easy work of Italy that became even easier when the Italians' final substitute, Thiago Motta, went off with an injury shortly after coming on. So as Italy suffered, Spain strolled to a 4-0 win in the Euro 2012 final to seal their third straight major title and complete their pursuit of unprecedented domination. But as clear-cut as the final was, we still must ask that old question: What if it continued?

97' -- Fernando Torres scores again. Fernando Llorente realizes that no one can hear him scream.

101' -- Italy drag the injured Thiago Motta back onto the pitch to use as a human speed bump for Spain.

108' -- Spain switch to a formation that employs a goalkeeper and 10 midfielders. Iker Casillas scores.

113' -- Gianluigi Buffon starts to sing the Italian anthem even louder than usual in an effort to repel the Spanish onslaught. It doesn't really work so he goes into a medley of Tom Jones songs instead.

116' -- Xabi Alonso's beard fights Daniele De Rossi's beard. They both stab each other with sharpened toothbrushes, but neither of them bleed. They vow to spend the rest of the night drinking whiskey together and reciting passages from the works of Ernest Hemingway.

120' -- All 209 FIFA member nations agree to give every trophy to Spain for all the remaining years their current team plans on playing together. International play will resume when the chance of an unexpected result is once again possible.

123' -- Mario Balotelli holds the corner flag against his crotch and beats a racist cartoonist with it.

127' -- Fernando Llorente does the match and figures that if Torres can score three goals and win the Golden Boot, he could've beaten Michel Platini's Euro record of nine goals in one tournament and gone down in history. He turns around and weeps into his seat cushion.

131' -- Jose Mourinho thinks about how quickly Spain's Real Madrid and Barcelona players will revert to hating each other after this. He cough-chuckles.

135' -- Xavi makes a mental note to complain to a UEFA official after the trophy presentation about how the pitch was still slightly too dry and yet, also too wet at the same time, and that they should probably resign for ruining this historic night.

139' -- Antonio Cassano says something stupid.

140' -- The match is abandoned when a pack of wild Spanish children invade the pitch and kill everyone.

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The conquering gang of Spanish babies. (Getty)

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