Dirty Tackle

If it continued… (Chelsea v Man United)

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle

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Foregoing the caution that led to a 0-0 draw at Old Trafford earlier this season, Chelsea beat Man United 3-1 at Stamford Bridge. With Robin van Persie and Wayne Rooney still injured, Man United's advantage in possession was largely toothless and frustration eventually set in with Nemanja Vidic getting sent off for a scissor tackle and Rafael lucky not to follow him away. As a result of this disheartened conclusion, we are left to wonder...what if it continued?

97' — Manchester United executive vice-chairman Ed Woodward attempts to reassure fans that though Chelsea might have the better players, Man United have a far superior roster of corporate sponsors.

101' — David Luiz is finally informed that he is not playing ice hockey.

109' — Watching from his now familiar perch in the stands, Sir Alex Ferguson threatens to punch David Moyes in the neck just to keep his successor properly distracted.

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116' — Realizing it might be his only hope, Juan Mata politely asks Jose Mourinho to sell him, then buy him back in two years and immediately play him like they just did with Nemanja Matic.

117' — Moyes refuses to use his third substitution just to spite Shinji Kagawa.

118' — Realizing their similar predicaments, Mata and Kagawa write letters to each other that include drawings of mythical creatures that were not allowed to play football either.

124' — Eden Hazard scores just because he's bored.

126' — David Luiz is again reminded that he isn't playing ice hockey.

129' — David Beckham sits in Roman Abramovich's box. His youngest son says, "Dad, didn't you used to play for Manchester United?" and David replies, "No son, I played for the LA Galaxy."

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130' — Moyes starts to think that sobbing in front of his players and saying "please" over and over again isn't motivating them.

135' — David Luiz stabs Adnan Januzaj with an ice skate.

138' — John Terry shows the coins thrown by Man United fans to referee Phil Dowd and asks if that's enough to buy all them cupcakes to make them feel better.

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145' — The match is abandoned when, one by one, the remaining Man United players get themselves sent off like the Von Trapp children performing "So Long Farewell" in The Sound of Music. They then disappear down the tunnel, with Phil Jones carrying a sleepy Patrice Evra and plans to submit transfer requests dancing in their heads.

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Brooks Peck is the editor of Dirty Tackle on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him or follow on Twitter!

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