This summer's Carlos Tevez transfer saga was more painful to watch than Andre Arshavin karaoke, so it's unsurprising that it has taken its toll on the Argentine. After finally conceding that a move away from Eastlands is "impossible" this year, Tevez has revealed that bad feeling towards him and an unfair media portrayal led to him gaining weight. A bit like Ben Stiller's character at the end of Dodgeball*. Yahoo! reports:
"I'm not the s**t that they say I am," he is quoted as saying in the People."I had a personal crisis this summer. I put on five or six kilos and had to check into a clinic. I was depressed and so I ate and ate.
"Only my family and friends know this. People can criticise me if I don't play well, but they can't say 'He missed a penalty so the coach would be sacked.' It's the bad feeling towards me that I can't stand."
On top of these problems, the article also states that Tevez has failed to properly grasp English, despite playing in the UK for five seasons. (To be fair though, he spent most of his time in Manchester and the East End of London, where thick accents and ridiculous rhyming slang will have proved significant barriers of communication.) The striker has predicted a similar linguistic stumbling block for fellow countryman Sergio Aguero, whose English lessons have started to make him super sleepy:
"[Aguero] is studying English," said Tevez. "I would say give him a week or 10 days more and he will give up. The first week he said: 'I've got English today.'
"The second week he said the same but with a different expression on his face... and the third week he went off for a siesta instead."
If Kun wants to avoid a binge-eating crisis of his own down the line, perhaps he should try going to the English classes that will help him to engage with colleagues and do his job, rather than checking his eyelids for holes.
*See what I did there? It's an unfair portrayal in the media! Come on!