Carlo Ancelotti's eyebrow is ready for the new season

Real Madrid will begin their 2014/15 campaign with the UEFA Super Cup match against Sevilla in Cardiff on Tuesday, which means that it's time for Carlo Ancelotti to rustle his mystical eyebrow from its summer slumber.

During his Monday press conference, Ancelotti gave his expressive peeper arch a run out that proved it is more than ready to lead the dizzying collection of talent Real Madrid have assembled.

Ancelotti started by casting its formiddable powers upon the reporters in attendance. This was a warning that if they write anything negative about him or his eyebrow this season, he will use it to hypnotize them and make them buy him an adorable puppy that he will never let them visit.

Next, he focused on the ball. Using his eyebrow, he brought the Super Cup ball to life, giving it the ability to think and feel and form memories. With a flick of his brow, he then took all of that away just as fast as he granted it because press conferences can be intensely boring.

Then he used it to freak out Gareth Bale for a bit. Just to make sure the Welshman remembers who is in charge (the eyebrow).

Finally, Ancelotti did a bit of positive visualization for the season. Imagining his eyebrow lifting trophy after trophy. Cristiano Ronaldo admitting that his eyebrows are inferior. Jose Mourinho shaving his off. His own line of brow grooming products. Iker Casillas going a full day without crying.

- - - - - - -

Brooks Peck

is the editor of Dirty Tackle on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him or follow on Twitter! Follow @BrooksDT