Andres Iniesta’s surprise upon winning the 2012 UEFA Best Player in Europe award

Andres Iniesta won the 2012 UEFA Best Player in Europe award, beating out heavily favored accolade vacuums Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo. It was a surprising recognition from journalists representing each of UEFA's 53 member nations who voted live at the Champions League draw.

Messi, of course, scored a world record 73 goals last season and Ronaldo led Real Madrid to a La Liga title while also reaching the Champions League semifinals and Euro 2012 semifinals while also scoring 63 goals himself. But Iniesta won Euro 2012 with Spain and was also named player of the tournament in addition to his often overlooked contributions to Barca.

The result seemed a bit unexpected by everyone, including Andres. Here's his reaction to hearing his name...

"Is this is mine or do I have to present it to someone else? It has my name on it so...I get to keep this? I seriously get to keep this? They're not going to dump pig's blood on me and laugh now, are they?"

"If no one says anything, I'm going to keep it. I can't get in trouble for that, can I? Maybe I should donate it to a charity just to be safe. Can you go to jail for donating a trophy that isn't yours to charity? There's probably a law about that..."

"Why does this trophy have no arms or head? Did I actually lose? I knew it. UEFA will take me back stage and decapitate me. I want to go home. Someone tell my family I want to go home..."

"I can feel the anger coming off of Cristiano's body...it feels like what my teachers used to say an STD would be like."

UPDATE: UPI and their "over 100 years of journalistic excellence" apparently thought that Andres Iniesta actually said these things...