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2014 World Cup superlatives: From the best nickname to the most likely to put a hole through a goalkeeper

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(Getty)

There are plenty of long winded World Cup previews floating around at the moment, so let's just do a speedy run through the most important categories to watch for. These are the 2014 World Cup superlatives for individual players (and one advertisement)...

Most disappointing absence who will be talked about more than many players who are actually there and might seize power in Brazil during the tournament: Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Sweden 

Best nickname: Both Xherdan "Magic Dwarf" Shaqiri and Xherdan "Power Cube" Shaqiri, Switzerland

Most likely to score a beautiful free kick and then make you want to grow a beard: Andrea Pirlo, Italy

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 (AP Photo/Fabrizio Giovannozzi)

Most likely to take off his shirt even when someone in another match scores: Cristiano Ronaldo, Portugal

Most likely to be playing his last World Cup so you should make a point to appreciate his brilliance on and off the pitch: Didier Drogba, Ivory Coast

Best dancing pirate: Raul Meireles, Portugal

Most likely to blast a shot straight through a goalkeeper's body from distance: Hulk, Brazil

Most likely to become the World Cup's new all-time leading scorer: Miroslav Klose, Germany (currently sits one goal behind Brazil's Ronaldo)

Most Greek: Lazaros Christodoulopoulos, Greece

Most likely to make a wonderfully strange facial expression at an opponent: Clint Dempsey, USA

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Dempsey face.

Most likely to win the Golden Boot exclusively through unnecessary goals: Fernando Torres, Spain

The single player under the absolute most pressure to win a World Cup: Lionel Messi, Argentina

The single player under the absolute least pressure to win a World Cup: Eugene Galekovic, Australia

Most likely to carry his team on a surprising run into the knockout stages: Edin Dzeko, Bosnia and Herzegovina

Most inspiring World Cup ad: Chilean miners for Banco de Chile.

Most likely to cut inside and score even though everyone knows it's coming: Arjen Robben, the Netherlands.

Best goalkeeper who has held Lionel Messi scoreless in seven straight meetings: Thibaut Courtois, Belgium

Most likely to lead France into the knockout stage even if the rest of his teammates refuse to get off the bus: Paul Pogba, France

Most likely to yell at a camera that isn't even filming after England lose: Wayne Rooney, England

Best elderly villain reaping the rewards of the tournament while destroying all his enemies: Sepp Blatter, FIFA

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Brooks Peck is the editor of Dirty Tackle on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him or follow on Twitter!

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