During the Green Bay Packers' Week 3 preseason win over the Indianapolis Colts, it became very clear to the American viewing public that Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers was rocking quite the sweet horseshoe/biker/1970's porn mustache. Football fans are not the only ones to have taken notice — the newly grown and altogether impressive collector of Cheetos dust also netted Rodgers an exclusive interview with the American Mustache Institute.
As the AMI teaser says, "Each year during training camp, Green Bay Packers QB Aaron Rodgers explores the Mustached American lifestyle. He then shaves. AMI spoke with Rodgers to ask him why."
My buddy Tyler Dunne of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel pulled out a few of the best excerpts.
On what has a better ring to it -- "Super Bowl MVP Aaron Rodgers" or "Mustached American Hero Aaron Rodgers:" "I'd say it's probably neck and neck. It's tough to pick between the two. Being a mustached American is something I dreamt about when I was a kid and being a Super Bowl champion is something I dreamt about as a kid as well."
On if having a mustache makes it easier to pick up sideline reporters: "If I needed to pick up any sideline reporters, my first line of business would be to grow a very thick mustache. I'm often encouraged when I watch a movie such as Tombstone, my favorite movie, by Sam Elliott's mustache. I'm very jealous of the fact that he can cover up both lips with one blade of hair that's consistent over his upper lip. I often look to a movie like that for support if I'm at a low point in my life and realize that growing a mustache can really turn your fortunes around very quickly."
On if Joe Namath could have sealed the deal with [ESPN sideline reporter] Suzy Kolber if he was rocking his 70s mustache: 'That's tough to say. As you all know, a mustache grows on you whether you're the one wearing the mustache or whether you're the one staring at it. You can't help but be in trance by the amazing covering up of the upper lip. You don't know whether the person is smiling or going to pull a gun as we've seen from such wonderful shows as Reno 911...If Joe Namath would have had a mustache in that situation, who knows what the response might have been."
Who knows, indeed. Based on this interview, I'm ready to crown Rodgers as the logical successor to Minnesota Vikings defensive end Jared Allen as the NFL player most cognizant of the value of ancillary hair to one's professional and personal fortunes. Before marriage sadly robbed Allen of his mullet, he was the kind of man who always partied with two "R's" and always accepted extra mayonnaise when it was offered.
We now believe that the defending Super Bowl MVP has become such a man.
By the way, Rodgers explains his on-again/off-again relationship with the mustache concept: "I do live by a few credos, and one of them is that if you're under 30, without children, and not married, it's very risky to be a full-time mustache-wearer. I'm sure you guys are aware of those laws of the universe."
We are aware of those universal laws at Shutdown Corner, but we are sworn to secrecy as part of our journalistic creed. We're just happy that Rodgers chooses to live by his beliefs at all times — mustache or not.
Of course, Rodgers could also be angling for a role in "Football Cops" ...
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