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Ball Don't Lie

Let Jared Jeffries entertain you, please

Dan Devine
Ball Don't Lie

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If you find yourself in need of some entertainment this summer, why not let The Jeffries Boy entertain you? Out of an estimated 50,000 professional entertainers in the world, Jared Jeffries is by far the best.

Jared Jeffries: Hello. Let me entertain you this summer. Please? While you're bored? Let me entertain you. It would mean so much to me if you would just let me entertain you. Come on: You're gonna be bored! And I have my own beach ball! Somebody's got to make you laugh and smile. Why ... why can't it be me? Please? Hey! Hey! Please? Let me entertain you.

Donnie Walsh: Come on. Let the boy entertain you!

Jared Jeffries: Are you good? Good! Let me sing and dance for you. Come on, please? Let me sing and dance for you? I've got the voice of a lower-choir angel, and the swaying of my long limbs will relax you like the gentle rhythms of the tides rocking a sleepy ship on the open water in the dark of night. Let me sing and dance for you. Come on, I'm already wearing my Justin Timberlake costume from Halloween 2002. Just say yes to letting me sing and dance for you. Please? Don't look away. Look at me. I honestly and sincerely would like to sing "Señorita" for you while dancing in a way that's suggestive but doesn't make you feel unsafe.

Donnie Walsh: He's a good, hard-working boy! Let him sing and dance suggestively for you!

Jared Jeffries: Hey, look who's here! It's nice to see you again. You look great! Let me sleep in your bed. Don't shake your head "no." Let me sleep in your bed. You said yourself you were bored. This'll be interesting. I promise. Please let me sleep in your bed? Nothing weird's gonna happen. You can trust me; Mike D'Antoni does, for some reason. Please?

Donnie Walsh: Sweet Mother of God, what is the hold-up?!? Let the boy sleep in your damn bed!

Jared Jeffries: I'm not going to beg here. My track record as an entertainer and companion speaks for itself. I'm confident you'll make the right decision.

NOTE: Jared Jeffries will be singing outside your house this summer, whether you like it or not.

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