The Champion Dog feeds three or four people. (Brad Newton/Texas Rangers)
Team president Nolan Ryan did not mince words with ESPN Radio in Dallas regarding the Texas Rangers' most recent acquisition — a two-foot-long, one-pound gourmet hot dog that feeds three or four fans and costs $26:
"It has to be a tremendous wiener. And then we're getting some kind of exotic bread flown in from France. And I don't know what kind of condiments you put on that. But I do want to look at it.
"That's a wild dog."
Holy StrasBurgers! Everything really is bigger in Texas. A result of the work of Rangers Ballpark chef Cristobal Vasquez, the dog is a Coney Island-style wiener that will be topped with shredded cheese, chili and sauteed onions. Not to mention the bun, apparently made of "exotic bread flown in from France" — which might be the most Nolan Ryan thing that Nolan Ryan has ever said.
[Related: Tim Tebow sandwich coming to Carnegie Deli]
But there seems to be a conflict as to what to call this monster weenie.
Boomstick is perfect, not only because it will make your intestines go "boom" but because it's a nickname for Rangers slugger Nelson Cruz — or at least for his bats. When he hits a home run, you see, Cruz has lowered the Boomstick.
Why the Rangers marketing department is having trouble with this and using two names, I'm not sure. "Champion Dog" has little ingenuity. And the Rangers are just "champions" of the AL until further notice, not to open old wounds. "Boomstick," while silly ... it just makes sense. Having two names also sets up a kind of class warfare among Rangers fans.
"Oh, the high-society folks in the club dine on Champion Dogs, while the unwashed masses in the grandstands chomp down on Boomsticks."
There's no reason the cattle barons and oil magnates in the Capt. Morgan Club can't just eat a Boomstick like the derrick workers and cowboys (because it's Texas) do in the rest of the ballpark. And they ain't callin' it no "Champion Dog" out in the bleachers. Of course, they also might not be able to afford it in the bleachers, either.
Big BLS h/t: Digital Sports Daily
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- Nolan Ryan