TUPATALK: Perspective is a relative thing

There’s an interesting scene in the film Take Down (1979), about a high school wrestling team and one of my favorite sports movies.

The pivotal moment occurs during a brief private conversation between two of the grapplers.

One of the young men hails from the “wrong side” of the tracks, living in basically an old shack with a drunken father and beaten-down mom. The other teammates is a part of a very well-off and totally supportive family that live in the nicest section of town.

The wrestler from humble circumstances has quit the team because of some academic issues that he doesn’t want to deal with. The other one has stepped away from the team — but for a different reason, a life-threatening disease.

Toward the end of their discussion, the ailing classmate makes the accusatory statement: “I’d give anything to go back to the team and I can’t, and you have everything and you won’t.”

That exchange made me think of how relative happiness is.

Some people define happiness is being pain-free, enjoying good health, possessing substantial or well more than adequate economic means, winning, respect by the “right” people, and enjoying the absence of real challenges, adversity, pain or sorrow.

To an extent, all of us probably measure happiness by some of those same standards. I think it’s natural to want life to be smooth, comfortable and predictable.

But, having lived 67 years on this earth, as of this weekend (Happy Birthday to me!), I’ve come to understand there’s a difference between real happiness and the possession of great material assets, a slim waist or the consuming quest for extreme physical conditioning, admiration, fame or power.

If those things were the building blocks of happiness, than how come we witness so many angry or frustrated pro athletes, entertainers, business leaders, politicians and others with great means?

Part of the definition of happiness might be challenging one’s self to let go of something of value and follow a dream. I can’t help but reflect on one of sports’ greatest anomalies — the first retirement of Michael Jordan from pro basketball in order to pursue a career in pro baseball.

Jordan was only 30 years old and at the height of his NBA skills — having helped the Chicago Bulls win three-straight league championships — when he quit basketball in 1993.

Four months later, he signed a minor league baseball contract, ostensibly to fulfill a dream of his late father for him. Jordan stuck it out for two years in the minors, prior to his return to the NBA and three more titles.

Point is, happiness for Jordan was extending himself in a difficult endeavor by pursuing a baseball career rather than continue to rule the NBA and rake in monstrous bucks.

The old pop standard “Garden Party” offered a intriguing thought about one choosing their own path of fulfillment rather than letting the opinions of others set their course.

Part of the lyrics of “Garden Party” are:

“,,,you can’t please everyone, so you’ve got to please yourself.” (Rick Nelso

I think of my friend Greg Wells, paralyzed by a wrestling accident when he was 15. His body was trapped in a wheelchair the rest of his life but his mind and heart were unfettered from bitterness. His voice on the phone was always cheerful, his thoughts positive. For many years, he served as the public announcer at a wrestling tournament named in his honor. One might think that would have been traumatic, but Greg didn’t reflect on what he had lost. He always lived in the present and felt grateful for the abilities he had.

I recall a few months after his accident, seeing his dad roll him around the track while the football team practiced. Many of them were his buddies he had played freshman ball with the year before. But, he wanted to be there to watch them and to let him know he supported them. I know he endured a couple of major challenges in other ways later in his life. But, for the overwhelming part he remained a happy young man.

In my opinion, Happiness is personal progress — even though the progress might have a pricetag of pain and sacrifice. Happiness is doing something nice or worthwhile for others. Happiness is being grateful for one’s blessings. Happiness is making someone else feel important. Happiness is knowing one is loved in someone else’s heart, sometimes even after the separation of death. Happiness is the pursuit of something worthwhile that makes someone’s world better in some small or big way. Happiness is being true to one’s faith and principles. Happiness is enjoying those times in life of tranquility, comfort, mercy and, serendipity and good tidings.

Happiness is not always pain free —or is it always noticeable. No doubt, there are those with grave diseases or physical challenges that impact their reactions but who still feel happy inside when they are around loved ones. These afflicted individuals might not show it, might not be able to show it, but the happiness lights up something inside.

This article originally appeared on Bartlesville Examiner-Enterprise: TUPATALK column reflects on happiness