Romelu Lukaku: A Chelsea tragedy in seven touches

There was no arguing with Romelu Lukaku’s first involvement at Selhurst Park. In fact he was on the ball before anyone else on the pitch. Little did he know as he passed the ball smoothly backwards to N’Golo Kante from the kick-off, however, that he would touch the ball only another six times.

Footballers like to set records, but the one Chelsea’s No 9 achieved on Saturday is not one he will be keen to boast about. Seven touches is the least registered by any player across 90 minutes since Opta started compiling such statistics back in 2003. Kasper Schmeichel, the previous record holder with eight, will have allowed himself a sigh of relief at that news, but at least he is a goalkeeper.

Strikers do not require a huge number of touches in a match to make an impact. Harry Kane’s heat map was hardly ablaze at the Etihad on Saturday. But what he did was make his touches count. That is how strikers are defined.

To be fair, for a moment it seemed Lukaku might have done just that with two of his. Well into the second half, he finally managed to turn the Crystal Palace defence with one deft touch then take a shot with a second. It was a good one too, sharp and accurate, obliging the Palace substitute goalkeeper Jack Butland to make a full length diving save. The ball rebounded to Hakim Ziyech who slammed it home. Nobody was counting Lukaku’s touches as the Chelsea players celebrated in front of their fans. Unfortunately, the Video Assistant Referee had noticed what the assistant referee has not: Lukaku had been offside when he received the ball at the start of the move. The goal was ruled out. These were not touches that counted, after all.

Of his other four moments on the ball there is nothing to report. None were cunning lay-offs, none challenged the Palace defence, none did anything to embed themselves in the collective memory. And the sad truth was, those touch statistics were not misleading: immobile, uninvolved, unconnected, it is hard to imagine this display will be matched anywhere this season for its complete irrelevance.

After the match, Chelsea’s manager Thomas Tuchel praised his players for emerging with all three points despite looking jaded. What he might have pointed out is that they did even better given they played the entire match effectively with 10 men.

Quite what is up with Lukaku is hard to diagnose. This is not a one-off. True, he scored twice in the Club World Cup last week. But he has not found the net in the last eight domestic outings. And finding the net is what he is supposed to do with his touches, particularly leading a line as effective as Chelsea’s.

An intelligent man - he speaks six languages for goodness sake - he must be concerned that he is not contributing to his team’s cause. He certainly seemed frustrated: he spent much of the game on Saturday complaining bitterly about the service he was getting from his colleagues, and received some backing from fellow members of the strikers' union on Match of the Day.

"If you're not going to play to your £90 million forward's strengths, it's very frustrating," observed Alan Shearer. "It's clear that Chelsea aren't working on things on the training ground as they are not doing it during the game for him."

Gary Lineker endorsed that view, but it was hardly surprising Chelsea did not pass to him. Lukaku was playing what appeared to be a different game to them, not just in the manner of his application, but tactically too.

Tuchel had filled his team at Palace with quick, mobile, busy players like Ziyech, Christian Pulisic and Kai Havertz. Lukaku seemed to be part of a different system to them, his slow, plodding presence an anchor on their speed and precision.

Despite hearing the Chelsea fans chanting Tino Werner’s name, when Tuchel made three substitutions in the second half, Lukaku was not among them. He stayed on. Maybe the manager was giving him the chance to gain redemption. But the three who arrived were no more able to help their centre forward relocate his mojo.

In the end, Chelsea found a way through the obdurate home defence thanks to Ziyech. In the last minute, he showed a lot more anticipation and nous than Lukaku had managed to steer home Marcos Alonso’s cross.

What happens next will be instructive. Chelsea play Lille in the Champions League on Tuesday. Finding a way to make use of his most expensive signing is becoming a matter of urgency for Tuchel. After all, he didn’t pay £97million for a seven-touch passenger.