"OzemPig" is good medicine for people sick of sports teams changing their mascots | Whitley
Before we get into the rights of basketball players to wear nose rings and football players to paint their nails, let us address the St. Paul Saints defending the right of sports fans to laugh.
The Twins’ Class AAA team has had a baby pig deliver baseballs and water to home plate umpires for 31 years. The piglets have gone by names like Boarack Ohama, Kim Lardashian and Kevin Bacon.
Last week, the club announced the name of this year’s mascot: OzemPig.
You could smell trouble coming.
OzemPig is a takeoff on Ozempic, a diabetes medication that’s also become a huge weight-loss drug. Right on cue, people took to social media to accuse the Saints of “fat shaming.”
Given our social climate, DraftKings immediately gave 2-5 odds the team would change the pig’s name to Commander or Guardian. Such moves are understandable in many cases, but the sensitivity police can go too far.
Cases in point: Valparaiso changing its nickname from “Crusaders” to “Beacons.” Washington and Lee University removing the gravestone of Traveller, Robert E. Lee’s apparently racist/misogynist horse that’s buried on campus.
“This is not funny,” some overly concerned citizen posted about OzemPig on Instagram.
Yes it is. It’s almost as funny as the 2016 mascot. In honor of a local music icon who’d just passed away, the pig was named “Little Red Porkette.”
So I’d like to thank the Saints for ignoring the sensitive squealing. If you can’t laugh at “OzemPig,” you need more than weight loss medication. …
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Stud of the Week: North Carolina State, for making the men’s and women’s Final Four. If the Wolfpack wins both, North Carolina and Duke have vowed to move to Canada.
Dud of the Week: The Oakland A’s, who drew 12,930 fans for their Friday-Sunday games against the Guardians. That was almost 7,000 fewer fans than Florida drew for its three-game series against Mississippi State. Of course, the Gators have a higher payroll than the A’s.
Dud II: Whoever painted the 3-point lines for the women’s Sweet 16 games at the Moda Center in Portland. The line on one side of the court was noticeably closer to the basket than the other 3-point line. They also noticed one rim was lower when a ball girl dunked during a timeout. …
Nose Stud of the Week: The piercing in Hannah Hildago’s proboscis. Notre Dame’s guard missed four minutes of a Sweet 16 game as trainers tried to remove the nose ring. Dennis Rodman would have been proud. …
New Age QB: Caleb Williams. The likely No. 1 NFL draft pick of the Chicago Bears was spotted at USC women’s basketball game wearing pink lipstick, nail polish and holding a pink phone.
Again, Dennis Rodman would have been proud. I’m not so sure about Dick Butkus, however. …
Speaking of manicures, Duke guard Jared McCain has signed an NIL deal with Sally Hansen nail polish. “Sorry if that offends you guys,” his promo said.
I’m not offended, but I will give up all hope if Charles Barkley signs with Victoria’s Secret. …
St. Paul’s baby pigs grow up fast, putting on two pounds a day during the season. Make up your own Kim Lardashian joke. …
Non-Sports Note of the Week: New York will start charging a $15 “traffic congestion” fee for cars entering parts of Manhattan. Mayor Eric Adams said $4 of every toll will go to enforcement, and $11 will go to muggers who are experiencing a sharp decrease in subway victims. …
When it comes to fashion statements, do you really want to make Dennis Rodman proud? ….
Measurement Redux: After reviewing tapes from 1992-2011, the NBA found that the free throw line was 35 feet from the basket whenever Shaquille O’Neal attempted a free throw. …
Wemby vs. Wilt: Spurs rookie Victor Wembanyama had 40 points and 20 rebounds against New York last week. Impressive, though Wilt Chamberlain once had 78 points and 43 rebounds against the Lakers despite missing 10 minutes having his nose ring removed. …
Correction: Florida’s baseball team does not have a higher payroll than Oakland. But the A’s active roster salary of $43 million is equal to what Justin Verlander and Max Scherzer each will take home this year. And it’s $37 million less than Shohei Ohtani’s interpreter will lay on UConn to win the Final Four. …
Breaking News: Caleb Williams has withdrawn from the NFL draft in order to pursue the lead role in “Barbie II.” …
That’s about all the space we have for this week’s Whitley’s Believe It or Not. If there were any typos, please blame my manicurist for ruining my nails.
David Whitley is The Gainesville Sun's sports columnist. Contact him at dwhitley@gannett.com. Follow him on X @DavidEWhitley
This article originally appeared on The Gainesville Sun: Offensive mascots have no place in sports, but 'Ozempig' does
