What the world needs right now is some love. Some kindness. Some understanding that when you struggle, you deserve sympathy, not scorn. But you’re going to have to look elsewhere for that kind of sickly sweetness. Behold: the Sorry Six.
The rules here are simple: these are the six NFL teams, players, units, coaches or fan bases that turned in the sorriest performances of the week. They’re not necessarily the worst in the league, but they ought to be ashamed of themselves. And we start with the team that’s the very definition of good news, bad news…
Our first team is our worst team. The Atlanta Falcons, ladies and gentlemen, rank dead last in points allowed this season, not surprising when you consider their defense now consists of five high schoolers, two ex-USFL players, and a goat. Atlanta fans, you wanted a Super Bowl … careful how you phrase your wishes.
Next up, the Falcons’ long-ago Super Bowl rivals, the Denver Broncos. In the space of six days, the Broncos blew a 10-point lead against Kansas City, and then got annihilated by the Jets. The Jets! We’d say Vance Joseph’s seat is hot, but that seat’s already burnt to ash. The only reason nobody’s laughing at Denver is that Atlanta’s own dumpster fire is sucking up all the oxygen in the NFL.
Green Bay Packers
I’m a touch nervous about putting the Green Bay Packers on this list, because there’s nobody this side of Luke Skywalker better than wrenching a ridiculous victory from certain defeat than Aaron Rodgers. Still, after losing ugly to the Lions last week, Rodgers is definitely going for degree-of-difficulty this time around.
One of the stories that slid under the radar this week was Jerry Jones saying that the Cowboys haven’t had a true No. 1 receiver in quite some time, and that Dez Bryant didn’t qualify. Of course, the Cowboys passed on the chance to draft Antonio Brown, Keenan Allen, Davante Adams, Tyreek Hill, and Calvin Ridley, so maybe Jones ought to look at why his general manager seems to be missing out on wide receiver talent.
New York Giants and Philadelphia Eagles
The Sorry Six Organizing Committee bases its judgments on results through the Monday night of a given week. And through Monday night, the Eagles had been an underwhelming team all season long. So throttling the Giants on Thursday night doesn’t count against Sorry Six eligibility. Plus, let’s be honest here; a victory over the miserable Giants is not a cause for celebration. Eli Manning has turned into a scarecrow with even less mobility, Odell Beckham Jr. hates everything and everyone, and half the Eagles still haven’t found their way back from their Super Bowl parade. Good thing we only have to see them play a combined 73 times the rest of the year.
And that’ll do it for this week’s Sorry Six! Congrats to all the teams that made it, and even more congrats to those that didn’t. Got comments? Hit us up by email or find us on Twitter at @jaybusbee. Catch you next week, and remember … never be sorry.
Jay Busbee is a writer for Yahoo Sports and the author of EARNHARDT NATION, on sale now at Amazon or wherever books are sold. Contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org or find him on Twitter or on Facebook.
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