Milky Way and toilet paper – how to make jailhouse hot chocolate that’s out of this world
Next year the Milky Way candy bar turns 100. Not the one in my cupboard, mind you, but Milky Way bars in general. So I’d like to share with you a use for Milky Way bars that inventor Frank C. Mars might never have imagined.
That’s saying a lot because Mars had quite an imagination. He once listed “sunlight and fresh air” among ingredients in the iconic candy bar.
In an online article about Milky Way history and marketing, Brianna York wrote: “The highlight behind why sunlight and fresh air were ingredients in the making of this bar is due to the notion that Mr. Mars created his candy homemade in the very kitchen in which he lived with the windows open allowing him to bake the most delicious chocolate bar he would fathom.”
A bit of a stretch. But then so was a use for his concoction I discovered at the tender age of 19. A fellow inmate in a county lockup taught me to make jailhouse hot chocolate using a Milky Way bar, water, a tin cup and toilet paper.
While you’re scratching your head about the toilet paper, I’ll get into the basic ingredients − a Milky Way and water.
Milky Way evolved as an alternative to a Hershey bar, and named after a milkshake
There’s a reason this works so well. Mars introduced Milky Way to the world in 1924 as a more-nutritious alternative to the flat, boring Hershey bar. Ironically, Hershey provided the chocolate for the outer shell. The secret (for Mars and jailhouse hot chocolate lovers) was milk solids. As the name might indicate, Milky Way bars are loaded with them. Which makes Milky Way suitable for melting down in water to make hot chocolate.
Like a lot of us who came up in the '60s, I assumed the name had something to do with the Milky Way galaxy. Probably because of our fixation with outer space at the time. After all, we lived in the age of sci-fi movies with space monsters that were even creepier than Elon Musk.
But no! Milky Way was actually named after a milkshake.
As explained on the milkyway.com website: “Their flavor was designed to capture the taste of malted milkshakes and named after a famed malted milk drink of the day, not the Milky Way galaxy.”
Oddly enough, soda fountains that served such concoctions were all the rage in the 1920s − thanks to Prohibition. Ah, the good ol’ days, when the government decided we were better off fat than drunk.
Now, about that toilet paper ingredient, which is a hot topic
Anyway, about the toilet paper. For making jailhouse hot chocolate, we used toilet paper as a heat source.
Back then, you were allowed to smoke cigarettes in jail. You also were allowed to have matches. You weren’t under 24-hour video surveillance. Most lockups didn’t even have smoke detectors. Basically, as long as periodic headcounts matched the expected number of inmates − live inmates − you were allowed to engage in shenanigans. It was good for morale.
Like making hot chocolate from Milky Way bars.
Here’s how it works. You roll toilet paper tightly around your hand. A lot of it if you expect it to burn long enough to heat the water adequately. Then you fold the rolled-up circle of toilet paper over and over as tightly as you can.
That accomplished, set this on the horizontal part of the bars then wedge your jail-issued tin cup between the vertical bars above it. Fill the cup with water and break the Milky Way into small pieces to facilitate melting. (If your jail commissary doesn’t carry Milky Way, you can substitute with pretty much any chocolate bar.) Light the top of the rolled TP and heat your concoction.
Stir until the candy pieces are melted − leaving a rich, creamy brew. Sit back in your cell and enjoy a cup of hot chocolate, fresh air, and sunshine. I’m sure Frank Mars would approve.
This article originally appeared on Ashland Times Gazette: Milky Way best route to jailhouse hot chocolate
