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*This* is the magic number of times to have sex each month

Danielle Valente
·3 min read
the feet of a couple tangled up in bed on a pink background
the feet of a couple tangled up in bed on a pink background

How often do couples have sex each month? Long-lasting pairs insist on hitting a magic number, quite literally, according to a new survey.

While we were led to believe that Gen Z was in the midst of a sex boom, it appears those in a relationship for over a decade are the ones who've found satisfaction in said magic number. If you were looking to play the lotto (or reset your sex life), let's dive into the nitty-gritty details.

How often do couples have sex each month?

According to the survey, there are a variety of ways for couples to keep the sparks alive after a good chunk of time has passed. The results? Never go to bed angry. Compromise on behalf of your significant other. And have sex seven times per month—the lucky and symbolic number appears to be a fan-favorite amongst those who've been together for 10-plus years.

To welcome the fictionalized retelling of Candy Montgomery's story, Love & Death, landing on ITVX, 2,000 Brits were surveyed to uncover the keys to a successful relationship. (Nothing like an ax-wielding true crime to get you in the mood to talk about romance, huh?) Despite the irregular circumstances surrounding the survey, some tidbits brought to the surface were very eye-opening. Here are a few simple but meaningful ways to keep the connection going in the long run, according to the results:

  • Always having your partner's back (according to 50% of participants)

  • Having a similar sense of humor (41%)

  • Admitting when you are wrong (51%)

  • Having regular sex (32%)

  • A similar sex drive (24%)

If these responses are anything to go by, the need to get frisky has increased. In 2017, the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that adults typically enjoy sex 54 times per year, which is about once per week and four times per month. Looks like there are a few weeks that pull double duty nowadays...

Important takeaways from the survey...

Though all couples have wondered how often to have sex, or even how long should sex last, the important thing to take away is that you and your S.O. are on the same page, sexually and otherwise. Communication is key, and that magic number should be what works well for you both.

"The pressure stems from wanting to 'keep up with the Jones' or wanting to feel 'normal' or have a 'normal' sex life," Marla Renee Stewart, MA, sexpert for Lovers previously told My Imperfect Life. "However, you really don't know what is going on in people's relationships, so it's best not to compare yours to anyone else's."

Likewise, Josh Porter from adult toy retailer Romantix doesn't believe duration or frequency should be calculated--it's all about what feels right.

"No one should feel pressured to have sex for a certain amount of time," he told us. "Sex should last as long as the participants feel aroused."

If you are interested in making frisky time worthwhile, and not necessarily longer or more frequently, have a look at the tried and tested best sex toys for couples, fun foreplay ideas, and tips for sexual aftercare.