Future News: UEFA rejects England’s inclusion of Jordan Henderson as attempt to tarnish Euro 12

England's attempt to replace injured midfielder Frank Lampard with disappointing Liverpool midfielder Jordan Henderson was blocked by UEFA on the grounds that it would bring the Euro 12 tournament into disrepute. Lampard was ruled out of the tournament after suffering a thigh injury during training and of all the players available to England from the professional ranks down to the amateur, they settled on Henderson. And UEFA will not stand for it.

"This is simply unacceptable," said UEFA president Michel Platini of Henderson's selection. "When they included Stewart Downing, we bit our tongues. But this is too far. We haven't figured out which rule these inclusions violate yet, but there has to be something in there against these kinds of shenanigans. Including Jordan Henderson is like match-fixing, but somehow worse."

The 21-year-old Henderson endured a poor season after joining Liverpool in a highly-touted £20-million deal last summer. Still, his two goals and one assist this were better than Downing's 0 goals and 0 assists in 36 matches.

When reached for comment, Henderson stated: "Sorry, everybody. I just hope I don't ruin England's chances of not winning."