Dimitar Berbatov is…The Continental

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle

Well hello there.

I see you've caught me holding a pencil in my mouth while showing off my latest drawing. As I am about to tell you, drawing is one of the ways I unwind after displays of sensual excellence on the pitch like the one I put on against Aston Villa. I scored a goal against them and now I've scored a goal against art. Ha-HA!

It should be obvious what my latest work depicts. It's an abstract piece that shows you, the most exquisite of all Berba-babes, preparing to disrobe in a snow covered forest as I lay by a crackling fire, playing the Scooby Doo theme song on a mandolin while awaiting your passionate touch. Some people have said that it reminds them of a famous photograph of Muhammad Ali standing over Sonny Liston, but that just shows how many interpretations there can be for the very best artworks. And this is definitely a Berba-casso. Ha-HA!

Why am I still casually holding this pencil between my teeth as I talk to you? Because that's how I do all of my drawings. With my mouth. You see, my foot dexterity is only surpassed by my mouth dexterity. And The Berba is ready to prove that to you right here and now. Or in a juice shop last week. Or in the back of my cousin Timitar Berbatov's van in five minutes. It's conveniently parked right over there. So what do you say? Will you be The Berba's life model...and life partner...for the next 20 minutes or 45 minutes if we do hat stuff?

Oh-OHHH! I bit down on the pencil and now it's leaking. Oh, what was inside of this dastardly art tool and its surprising lack of bite resistance? Oh, it's getting everywhere. When will it stop? Why am I not taking it out of my mouth yet? How did this become so exciting? Where did you go?

Join us again next time for another chapter in the life of...The Continental...

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