Pass or Fail: Pittsburgh Penguins rock the gold in new third jersey


[Mario Lemieux, heralded owner of the Pittsburgh Penguins, sips a glass of wine next to the phone receiver on his ear. A voice on the other end is filled with concern.]

PHONE: “Seriously Mario: $104 million for Sidney and $76 million for Geno … how are we going to afford this?

[Mario Lemieux glances around his office, which is covered in photos of his favorite player, Mario Lemieux. His eyes dart to a familiar sweater design, not seen on his players in eons but readily available to fans for the last 25 years.]

MARIO: “Let’s just say I’ve got an idea, and it’s gold. PITTSBURGH gold!”

[He laughs heartily, startling Sidney Crosby, who was asleep on his cot in the corner.]


Annnnnnd scene.

The Pittsburgh Penguins revealed their new third jerseys for the 2014-15 season, and they’re glorious throwbacks to the 1980s, when Mario was piling up points while carrying Rob Brown on his back:

That’s a pretty sharp looking sweater right there. Vibrant colors, great design. We imagine most Penguins fans are in “TAKE MY MONEY NOW!” mode.

Here’s the schedule for when the Penguins will rock the Pittsburgh Gold. Hopefully they fare better than their more recent third jerseys, which were totally cursed. Not as cursed as that creepy doll from “Annabelle,” but cursed nonetheless.

So, with that …

PASS OR FAIL: The Penguins new third jerseys.