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Jersey Fouls: Avalanche of failure; Kovalchuk pees sitting down

Greg Wyshynski

Jersey Fouls is our ongoing exploration of the rules and etiquette for proper hockey jersey creation and exhibition. If you spot what you think may be a foul in your arena, email a photo to us at puckdaddyblog@yahoo.com for inclusion in future installment.

Finally, a chance to celebrate one of the NHL’s best franchises over the last 20 years and worst franchises of all-time!

This Colorado Avalanche/Colorado Rockies mash-up was discovered by our pal Tapeleg and it’s just atrocious.

Our feelings about the Avs’ logo aside – it’s looks like both a giant log flume and a flash card for toddlers trying to learn to spell – everything about this jersey seems off. Although we’re sure this was a logo designed by some renowned artist and not simply the printing error that it appears to be.

Anyhoo, if you’re long desired to connect the legacy of Merlin Malinowski with Ryan O'Reilly, here’s your chance. The rest of us will wait for the inevitable sweet lookin’ outdoor game sweaters the Avs could wear one day.

(Coming Up: A ‘69’ sweater from Calgary; an unfortunate spelling from Pittsburgh; Devils fan protest of Kovalchuk; some oldies from St. Louis; and a head-scratcher from LA.)

And here … we … go.

Before leaving Denver, let’s join together in prayer for the owner of this sweater. From reader Chris:

This is obviously made worse by the use of Bourque's number 77. And because 'Pastornator' is a really bad nickname, even for a pastor/terminator.

Chris does raise an interesting point, which is that this may in fact be a hunter/killer from the future, sent back in time. How he ended up an Avs fan we’re not sure, unless he’s completely confused Miles Dyson with Tyson Barrie.

(And if you get that joke then you’re also getting a wedgie, NERD …)

(*Gives self wedgie…*)

Now, in fairness, we’ve made the same mistake in attempting to spell the name of Chris Kunitz of the Pittsburgh Penguins, but that doesn’t make it any less Foul. Or hilarious.

Wonder if he’s ever met MAKLIN girl … (Via David Thoma.)

This was sent to Jersey Fouls godfather Seth Rorabaugh, and it manages to violate one primary rule of hockey: It’s the logo on the front, not the GIANT FRIGGIN’ LETANG NAME AND NUMBER.

Unless of course this a tribute to Kriss Kross, and then all is forgiven. #JumpJump

This is a weird one. It’s an old school Tampa Bay Lightning sweater with a new school meme on the back of it: “Fear Of Missing Out On Hockey.” You know, those commercials where Dustin Brown exhibits the charisma of an apathetic piece of plywood?

But he did wear this jersey to the arena, so it’s entirely possible that he does suffer from FOMOH. (Via Cork Gaines)

Thank you, Calgary Flames fans, for joining us for another exciting edition of “Please Be Your Birth Year.” (Via John MacDougall)

FINALLY, someone gives Rob Zamuner the credit he deserves.

Oh, wait, Milan Lucic wears No. 17? OK that makes more sense.

Incidentally, the bottom of the jersey has upside down text that says, “If you can read this, then I must have been checked by Alexei Emelin” …

(Via Green Jofa)

Bill Martin sent this in from outside of The Roc, worn by a Los Angeles Kings fan.

Any clues? A wish his heart made that Brodeur was the Los Angeles Kings’ No. 39 instead of Dan Cloutier?

UPDATE: Here's the situation.

Via DJ Malone:

Not sure who these were supposed to be directed towards, but based on the era of the jersey, one can assume it was from trading AND free agent signing of Keith Tkachuk.

Well played. Certainly Protest Jerseys. Unless they’re ex-lovers, which would be amazing. And sad.

And finally …

An Ilya Kovalchuk jersey from earlier this season. From Luke:

“A little dark but it says ‘sits when he pees.’”

So he doesn't like splash-back on the front of his khakis! This is a sin?!

(Also: Why can't Devils fans make it easier to defend Devils fans?)