Power Rankings: What country is your driver?
Our Power Rankings are far from a scientific formula. In fact, it's the perfect blend of analytics and bias against your favorite driver. And you think we dislike your favorite driver, so it makes sense, right? Direct all your complaints to us at happyhourmailbag@yahoo.com.
This week, on the eve of the Chase, we're going to do something different. First we're expanding to 16 drivers. Second, we're going to rank the drivers 1-16 as we think they're going to finish in the Chase.
Third, we're going to have some ridiculous fun with this "Chase Nation" concept that is being marketed for the Chase.
We all know there's one true driver nation and then after that it's just a bunch of municipalities. But let's all pretend there really are driver nations. And these driver nations are real-world countries. Which countries would they be? Let's find out with the help of some terrible photo editing!
1. Jimmie Johnson, United States: Let's start off with an obvious one. Just like you don't tell someone wearing an American flag shirt that the United States is not the greatest country in the world, you don't tell someone wearing a No. 48 shirt that Johnson isn't the best driver in NASCAR. Both types of people are very defensive, simply because they deal with a lot of guff from the rest of the world. And just like Americans, Jimmie Johnson fans know there's a little bit of envy in with all that flak. Plus, with the new format, many non-JohnsonAmericans are hoping that this is the event that finally knocks the dominant force off his perch.
2. Dale Earnhardt Jr., China: The most populous nation in the NASCAR world is now at potentially its most powerful. The downfall of Johnson America could come at the hands of JuniorChina. It's a group that controls the most economic power in NASCAR too and a nation that is united in its love for its leader. You do not want to face the wrath of Junior Nation, for it can be swift, overwhelming and decisive.
3. Jeff Gordon, Great Britain: Once a great power and imperial force in the world of NASCAR, Great Gordon been overshadowed by close descendant JohnsonAmerica, who quickly ascended to NASCAR nation prominence built on a Knausian Constitution. As JohnsonAmerica and Great Gordon are now allies, Great Gordon knows there are still plenty of resources here to make a final run for the championship and be one of the world's greatest powers. But is the era of domination in the past?
4. Brad Keselowski, Canada: A driver who has resources and a taste of success with the 2012 title is striving for validation from the other nations with a 2014 championship. Because without it, he fees he's viewed as a novelty. (Maple syrup and hockey are not novelties.) Add in the fact that many feel one of his greatest attributes at this point is the "hey, he's not JohnsonAmerica" factor, and there might as well be a maple leaf on the rear decklid of Keselowski's car.
5. Kevin Harvick, Germany: Every driver and citizen of other nations know that Harvick has to be watched. Harmany is a country that has every resource at its disposal and a swiftness and power that can stack up to anyone and everyone in the racing world. However, throughout the flashes of awesomeness, there have been self-inflicted missteps to derail what could be a dominating empire. Will a lower-level regime change make a difference? Plus, we think Harvick looks great in lederhosen.
6. Joey Logano, India: After many years of anticipation, Logandia is now one of the biggest nations in the Chase World. And even with three wins and a strong finish to the season, there will still be questions if the infrastructure is ready to handle being one of the most powerful figures in the NASCAR world right now. All the signs are there for future NASCAR world dominance. But is the future now?
7. Matt Kenseth, Switzerland: The KenSwiss are funny people. With a dry and sarcastic sense of humor, Kenseth is the perfect leader for NASCAR's neutral nation. Is he being serious? Is he being funny? Is he making fun of himself? Is he making fun of you? You'll never know. Few people dislike him, and the thought of a Dollar General nestled high up in the Swiss Alps is funny.
8. Kasey Kahne, Australia: Kastralia seems like a country that the women from the Allstate commercial would like to visit. Sandy beaches, beautiful weather, men with blue eyes and the possibility of Kahne in an Australian accent saying "G'day, ladies. What brings you to the Outback?" Like Swsetherland, it doesn't spark too many negative emotions and intermediate tracks throughout Kahne's career are like Olympic swimming for the Aussies.
9. Carl Edwards, Spain: Edwardspain burst onto the scene in 2008 and might have peaked (a year after) 2010 by tying for the championship with Tony Stewartistan. However, the expectations of 2014 weren't met thanks to a combination of factors. Edwardspain is heading in a new direction for the future by severing ties with the group of people that got him to this point and trying out a whole other team starting next year. If you pay attention to world soccer, you'll see that this was a NASCARized summation of the Spanish national team. If you don't, well, just move on to No. 10.
10. Kyle Busch, Russia: Similar to Germany, you have to pay attention to Buschia. There's the possibility he can come in and win the Chase for NASCAR world power. But mostly people are just watching Busch to see what crazy things could happen in the Chase because of his previous Chase track record. Plus, the final few races before the Chase don't give much reason for optimism. Busch could still rise up at a moment's notice, though. It's why you can't take your eye off him.
11. Denny Hamlin, France: Unfairly categorized as weak after bowing to JohnsonAmerica in the 2009 Chase, Franlin is simply misunderstood. He could be a title threat if everything falls in place. Much like French President Nicolas Sarkozy, who is making a political comeback, a key figure of Franlin, Darian Grubb, is back for the final 10 races.
12. Ryan Newman, Japan: Newpan is a bit isolated in the Chase, as he's the only member of a top team who is in the Chase by himself. So, figuratively, he's on an island. (See what we did there? Yeah, that was a really bad joke.) There are assets to be drawn from, but there are issues too. And there's got to be a parallel between Newman's hard racing on every lap and Japanese pitchers who throw way more pitches per season than American pitchers do.
13. Kurt Busch, North Korea: An irascible leader who everyone is fascinated with because of his past actions and outbursts. While no one really thinks he's a threat to Chase leadership and NASCAR domination, the attention is still there because based off his career arc North Kurtea is one of the most fascinating countries in NASCAR.
14. Greg Biffle, Portugal: Attached to Edwardspain, PortuBiffle is, well, what, exactly? It's there, for one. There are some pretty coastlines. And there's the disappointment of the Portuguese soccer team too. Really, PortuBiffle is here, just hanging out and enjoying the view.
15. Aric Almirola, Argentina: Putting the soccer references aside here, Argenola's main export are meat products. And nearly everyone loves meat products. However, having meat exports do nothing for your Chase chances. You can't bribe your way to Homestead with beef and bacon, can you?
16. A.J. Allmendinger, Croatia: One of the European Union, err, RTA's newest members, JTG-Daugherty Racing and Croallmendinger are just here for the ride. They've got fanny packs, cameras, and a budget to buy merchandise to remember the experience. If the trip advances longer than three races, even better.
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Nick Bromberg is the editor of From The Marbles on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at nickbromberg@yahoo.com or follow him on Twitter!
