Attention Florida football fans: Things could always be worse | Whitley

It’s been a rough week for Florida football fans. In times like this, you can either fixate on your own problems or be thankful you’re not cheering for Clemson.

Or LSU. Or South Carolina.

Or anyone who wagered based on my Week 1 predictions.

I went 11-4, which doesn’t sound bad. Then careful readers will note that nine of those games were no-brainers like Auburn vs. Massachusetts, which I believe was quarterbacked by Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

As for games that mattered, allow me to quote Brian Kelly:

“I did not say LSU is going to beat the heck out of FSU.”

That’s been Kelly’s tack this week after the Seminoles - perhaps fired up by Kelly’s comments whomped LSU 45-21. Kelly says he would never utter such bulletin board material. The problem is he said it on his radio show and forgot to tell his producer to destroy the tape.

Didn’t Kelly ever hear about Watergate?

I did, yet I also forgot to tell my producer to destroy my LSU-FSU pick and a few others, most notably Florida-Utah. I picked the Gators, but who knew the plane carrying Montrell Johnson and Trevor Etienne would get rerouted to Greenland?

They showed up in time to carry the ball 10 times, which is one of the reasons Florida fans have spent the week saying unkind things about Billy Napier’s coaching acumen.

But give Billy this, he will never say on his radio show that Florida should beat the heck out of anyone. After last week’s showing at Salt Lake City, who would argue? That said, the Gators will surely beat the heck out of McNeese State, right?

McNeese State at Florida: Right.

I suppose I should say more about this game, but there’s a word limit on games in which home fans have no idea where the opponent is located. Florida 52-13

Help Wanted: Is it past time for Florida football to employ an on-field special teams coach?

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Texas A&M at Miami:  Jimbo Fisher needs this win, but Mario Cristobal REALLY needs this win. Miami’s fan support is so lame, anyone who buys a ticket to this game gets a free ticket to the Georgia Tech game. There might be 13,000 fans at that one. Texas A&M 27-17

Texas at Alabama: Are the Longhorns worthy of the hype? Has ‘Bama found its quarterback in Jalen Milroe? QB subplot: Milroe committed to Texas but flipped to Alabama after Quinn Ewers committed to UT. Ewers then flipped to Ohio State, only to return to the Longhorns a year later. I’ll take the Tide’s flipper. Alabama 24-19

Auburn at California: If a Pac-12 team beats another SEC team (ahem), Congress may force the SEC to invite Washington State and Oregon State to join the league. War Eagle. Auburn 29-14

Grambling at LSU: “We thought we were the Georgia Bulldogs,” Brian Kelly said of his overrated Tigers after the FSU game. Duly humbled, he has not predicted his Tigers will beat the heck out of the other Tigers in Louisiana. LSU 49-7

Nebraska at Colorado: Think Deion is hot? Colorado gained 147,000 social media followers after beating TCU last week. Beating Nebraska should be worth at least 100 more, but I smell letdown in the mountain air. Nebraska 26-21

Ben Shelton vs. Novak Djokovic: Okay, neither will make the College Football Playoffs, but young Mr. Shelton is No. 1 in the hearts of UF sports fans right now. Hard to see him beating the Djoker in a U.S. Open semifinal, but he has a better chance of winning than McNeese State.

Austin Powers at Tennessee: I know it’s Austin Peay. I just want to see if you’re still paying attention. Expect the Vols to run the ball 69 times for the benefit of UF scouts in attendance. Tennessee 44-11

Watergate Trivia: Richard Nixon allegedly erased the tape in which he said South Vietnam would beat the heck out of North Vietnam.

Furman at South Carolina: Shane Beamer said the Gamecocks were planning an onsides kick to open the second half last week against North Carolina, but the chain gang messed that up because members were still eating hotdogs. He has reportedly hired Joey Chestnut as chain gang crew chief this week. South Carolina 47-17

Ball State at Georgia: Unlike LSU, these really are the Georgia Bulldogs. They could be the DeLand Bulldogs and win this one. Georgia 63-6

David Whitley is The Gainesville Sun's sports columnist. Contact him at dwhitley@gannett.com. Follow him on Twitter @DavidEWhitley

This article originally appeared on The Gainesville Sun: Florida football wasn't the only SEC stinker in Week 1