The simmering fight between Arsenal and Barcelona for the right to pay Cesc Fabregas rages on. Though the player himself has made his desire known by reportedly turning down a record offer from Arsenal and stating his love for Barcelona, the English club has stepped u their defense by sending Barca a letter telling them to back off their captain. The following is a transcript of what we imagine to be Arsene Wenger's call to Pep Guardiola to make sure the message was received. 

Guardiola: Hello?

Wenger: Yes. This is Arsene Wenger.

Guardiola: Oh, hello, Arsene. How are-

Wenger: Do not speak while I am speaking!

Guardiola: ...I'm sorry.

Wenger: Yes. Now. Did you receive our letter?

Guardiola: Uh, you mean that said "Cesc is ours" in what I'm hoping is ketchup and then had what looked like a drawing of me getting impaled by all six of Barcelona's trophies?

Wenger: Yes, that would be the one.

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Despite being shown two red cards on Saturday, Barcelona were still able to beat Getafe 2-1, because, well, they're Barcelona. The first red came in the 25th minute and got Gerard Pique an early exit (and the chance to shove a fat guy in a suit), when Barca were already up 1-0, and the second came in added time, leading to Getafe's only goal just before Barca got their three points.

After the match, Pep Guardiola refused to complain about the ref, because, you know, his team is still undefeated in the league:

"I have too many things on my mind to worry about referees. I don't care if they leave us with 10, nine or eight players ... or if they blow for three penalties against us, we will have to score four. What happens on the pitch is our responsibility."

Too many other things to worry about -- like touchline fashion statements and keeping his beard stubble the perfect length. Seriously. That stuff is hard.

As a special DTotD bonus, video of the Rafa Marquez red card is right this way (no need for thanks, your undying love is more than enough)...

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Out of favor Valencia defender Miguel was on the bench during Saturday's 2-0 win over Valladolid while his in-form backup, Bruno, got the start over him. This clearly did not have Miguel in a good mood, because instead of watching the match, he chose to mimic his manager, Unai Emery, and his hyperactive clapping style. Unfortunately for Miguel, the television cameras caught his little performance and now it's causing him even more trouble than his poor form.

Spanish paper Marca reports that could be the final demerit for Miguel and may lead to a summer transfer away from the club. Punishment could also be on the way for Miguel's audience, teammates Alejandro Dominguez and Nikola Zigic, for enjoying the impression so thoroughly. Which would prove once and for all that nobody mocks Unai Emery and gets away with it. Nobody. 

Source: Goal

That's it, I'm call it -- even though there have been no other entries, Franck Ribery wins the wacky underpants competition that none of us knew (or wanted to know) was going on.

Ribery was substituted at halftime of Saturday's Bundesliga match between Bayern Munich and Wolfsburg, but instead of changing out of his warm-ups and into his kit in the dressing room, he opted to do it in the private seclusion of the team bench, in front of 30,000 people and the television cameras.

He did end up scoring what would be the final goal in the 57th minute of Bayern's 3-1 victory, so perhaps having vibrantly colored faces on your underpants is some kind of good luck charm. Who knows. Let's just declare him the winner and hope we never have to see those things again.

Photo: Bild

Udinese beat Napoli 3-1 at home on Sunday, but before the match even started, Napoli fans did some beating of their own.

A group of 30 Napoli ultras arrived at the Stadio Friuli in a van on Sunday armed with clubs and knives and looking for a taste of violence. And as you can see in the video above, they found it -- causing a horrible scene with their Udinese counterparts and police, resulting in seven wounded (including three police officers) and eight arrested.

Meanwhile, the guy on the bike who appears at 1:20 did the smart thing and scampered back where he came from once he realized what the fudge was going on. 

As Japan prepares for the World Cup, they seem to have forgotten one mildly important aspect of the game -- scoring goals. In their last two matches, a friendly against Venezuela and their East Asian championship opener against China, they've failed to score a single goal and their fans have let them know how little they approve by booing them mercilessly. But that's just fine with JFA president Motoaki Inukai, who says:

"I want the supporters to boo their hearts out. It's good for the players."

Yes, it does wonders for their crippling lack of confidence.

Inukai continues:

"We have problems - 180 minutes without a goal.

"If we play like that at the World Cup we don't stand a chance."

Thanks for analysis, Grandmaster Obvious. And here I thought not scoring goals would be surest path to success. Guess I better tell that youth team I coach to disregard everything I've said. Except for the part about how eating an apple a day truly does keep the doctor away forever. No matter how much your ankle hurts.

Photo: Reuters; Source: FourFourTwo

Well hello there.

I see you've caught me looking fancy. ... Yes, this is looking fancy. These clothes are very expensive and fashionable and not at all the "garments of a homeless extra from the television show Three's Company" as you seem to be implying. And no, they don't smell like cheese and old bananas, either. ... Please, just stop saying negative things about my clothing and accept that it is high fashion that you find very attractive, even if I can't seem to get this one button. ... Alright, now I'm going to stop listening to the words you say and assume you're finding me irresistable and not at all smelly...

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Saturday's Merseyside derby proved to be more of a collection of rough and ugly play than an actual football match. It started with Jamie Carragher clattering Steven Pienaar soon after the opening kick off and continued from there. Dirk Kuyt, who scored the game's only goal, took a Marouane Fellaini boot to the face (which ended up leaving a mark), Sotirios Kyrgiakos was shown a red card for getting his leg stomped on (also by Fellaini), and Tim Cahill and Lucas tried to conjoin their heads through sheer force.

Steven Gerrard also had a fun day, adding a dive to his collection in the first half, then goring Pienaar in the chest with his studs, and then finally getting Pienaar sent off by clutching his face after getting elbowed in the ribs.

In the end, I think I'd classify this one as a "delightful romp." Like a Matthew McConaughey film. 

Source: 101gg

Out of 10 Premier League appearances, one FA Cup start, and one Carling Cup start, Robinho managed to score just once for Manchester City this season -- the final goal in a 4-2 FA Cup win over Championship side Scunthorpe United -- in what would be his last match before getting loaned back to Santos.

Now, after arriving back at his former club in Brazil (with Pele, on a helicopter, surrounded by inflatable sharks), Robinho has already shown City what they couldn't draw out of him this season.

On Sunday, a day after City lost 2-1 to Hull, Robinho made his debut for Santos as a substitute in the 57th minute of a 1-1 game against Sao Paulo.  In the 85th minute, he reminded everyone why clubs keep thinking he's worth all the trouble he inevitably gives them by scoring a pretty backheel right in front of the goalkeeper's face to win the game.

Somewhere in the offices at Eastlands, Man City executives are watching this YouTube video and saying, "why couldn't he do that for us?!" But with a lot more explatives and a lot more keyboard punching. 

Matt Damon, who is apparently a Tottenham-hating Chelsea fan in addition to being a semi-professional Michael Ballack impersonator, was in attendance at Sunday's Didier Drogba show billed as a match between the Blues and Arsenal. Drogba scored both goals in Chelsea's 2-0 win and almost had a third with a free kick that obliterated the crossbar in the second half. So he now has 12 goals in 12 career matches against Arsenal -- who passed on a chance at signing him 10 years ago because they had Thierry Henry -- and Chelsea have six points and a combined score of 5-0 in their two matches against their London rivals this season.  

Arsenal have also lost twice to Manchester United this season and could face their third Big Four loss in a row to a rejuvenated Liverpool next week. If that happens, Arsene Wenger will probably cry and start talking to a Harrod's mannequin he calls "Thierry Bergkamp."

Highlights (of the match, not Arsene crying) right this way...

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