Wigan owner Dave Whelan (pictured above, conjuring your default computer background) returned from a bit of sun and relaxation in Barbados just in time to see his club notch their first win in almost two months by beating Liverpool for the first time ever on Monday. And upon seeing first-hand that they're not actively trying to get relegated, he decided to make them an offer.

From the Mirror:

Whelan had been watching his club drop into trouble during his lengthy spell at his Barbados base but the way Roberto Martinez's men beat the Kop raised his spirits.

And Whelan is now promising an end-of-season break to the Latics stars if they finish the job and secure their top-flight status for another season.

Whelan has splashed out on the surprise holiday gift before, taking the Wigan staff to Barbados when they beat the drop in their first season in the Premier League.

Currently in 15th place in the Premier League, Wigan are four points above the drop zone, so they shouldn't be packing their bags just yet. One thing the team might want to clarify between now and the end of the season, however, is whether Whelan intends to bring them to his "Barbados base" as guests or as his summer staff. Either way, Titus Bramble will probably be making Pina Coladas the whole time, though. 

(Side note: One person who definitely won't be going to Barbados? That kid behind Whelan in the picture.)

Brazilian defender Cicinho, who is on loan at Sao Paulo from Roma, spent two injury-scarred seasons with Real Madrid upon which he apparently doesn't look back very fondly. He busted out his sour grapes and told Brazil's TV Bate Bola:

"When I left Real Madrid they told me that was crazy, but I lived there and knew. The crowd is not the problem but what happens in the dressing room. In addition, following the departure of Roberto Carlos and Ronaldo, the Brazilians lost strength."

According to Cicinho, the Spanish members of the club formed "gangs" (I'm imagining a cross between West Side Story and Mean Girls) and foreign players were held to a different standard.

"It is what is happening with Kaka being the best in the world and being questioned at Real Madrid. You can understand how difficult it is to work there."

Yeah, it's not exactly a pub team. But Cicinho offered the harshest revelation about Mr. Real Madrid himself, Raul:

"He has privileges at the club. The problem is that what happens in the dressing room is communicated to the press. I can not judge, but it always happened: if Ronaldo did something, there was Raul, saying: 'Ronaldo can not play because he's fat.'"

Snitch. I mean, telling the press that Ronaldo is fat isn't exactly revealing much of a secret, but still. 

Photo: Getty Images; Sources: AS and Goal

Davey Becks couldn't help but smile as he walked back onto the pitch at Old Trafford for a bit of training on Tuesday. The second leg of AC Milan's Champions League tie with Manchester United will mark the first time Beckham has played at the stadium he wishes he never left in seven years. Meanwhile, I'm pretty sure that cop has never seen a David Beckham in real life before. 

Before Davey even made it to Old Trafford, he had to push through a swarm of press and fans happy to see him back at Manchester airport. Here's what that claustrophobic's nightmare looked like...

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All the stuff being covered outside the unfriendly confines of the award-winning Dirty Tackle...

This is the second installment (here's the first) of Pepsi's World Cup campaign and wow, is it weird. I never thought I'd see Lionel Messi give a goat sitting in a chair the thumbs up. [ONTD]

Also unexpected: The Sun apologizes to Nicklas Bendtner. [The Sun]

England's best uncapped XI. [The Spoiler]

Who doesn't love a good WAG style-off? [Kickette]

Fiorentina fans had a message for Bayern Munich. [Goal]

Fabio Capello probably not a fan of having his team meetings bugged. [Pies]

Francesco Totti almost went to Real Madrid. [Football Italia]

Gianluigi Buffon's World Cup kit is the opposite of good. [The Offside]

Harry Redknapp: definitely not sexy. [Unprofessional Foul]

Wayne Bridge takes a break from worrying about what his son will think to party with hoochies in Miami. [Daily Mail]

Pep Guardiola is not happy. [Tribal]

The Arsenal milk ban proved costly. [Studs Up]

South Africa is expecting a very sexy World Cup this summer. According to the country's health minister, they think they'll need one billion condoms this year -- more than twice as many as the government normally distributes -- because of the expected influx of 450,000 foreign tourists and fans for the tournament (and John Terry and Ashley Cole, right? Hahaha you're soooo funny). 

The U.K. alone will donate 42 million condoms (or £1 million worth) to South Africa, which has five million people living with HIV, more than any other country in the world.

Said South African medical official Victor Ramathesele:

"There's going to be a large number of people who will be descending on to the country.

"There's going to be a spirit of festivity and... there could be a more than usual demand for measures such as condoms.

"So there are measures in place to ensure that the condom supply is going to be ramped up during this tournament."

While the concern over sexual safety is admirable, they do know that there will be a bunch of football matches for people to watch, right? I mean, it won't just be a month-long re-enactment of the movie Caligula down there. Even if it was, they expect 450,000 foreigners to require an additional 500 MILLION condoms? Are they expecting people to want to make balloon animals out of them too?

Then again, maybe it's best not to ask too many questions and just be thankful that they'll be well stocked in the condom department. After all, this is a country with a president who has three wives and still managed to father a child out of wedlock. 

Photo via Allan Stratton (the condoms on the billboard are appropriately named "Dickie" and "Fanni")

Steven Gerrard risked FA punishment and the indignation of news media without a sex scandal in the last 24 hours on Monday when he mouthed an obscenity and made a V-sign toward referee Andre Marriner after getting booked late in Liverpool's 1-0 loss to Wigan. The following is a transcript of how Gerrard escaped further castigation for his petulant action. 

Marriner: That was reckless challenge, Steven. Yellow card. That's -- hey hey, did you just flip me a V-sign?

Gerrard: No.

Marriner: Yes you did, I just saw it.

Gerrard: No. I was telling you how many turtles I have. Two. I have two turtles.

Marriner: No, that was definitely a V-sign. You can't make obscene gestures at a referee like that, Steven.

Gerrard: I wasn't! Honest! It was a peace sign I learned from Lindsay Lohan.

Marriner: Lindsay Lohan?

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From this day forward, this kid lived in fear of the pitch -- always wondering when it would attack him next, without ever getting punished by the officials. 

The gift to the world that is Andrei/ey Arshavin's official website once again gurgled up collections of reader submitted question and Arshavin answers for our eternal enjoyment. And if you liked our last foray into these supremely wonderful exchanges, then hold on to your brainstem because we're about to get back in it. 

1. From mike81
My friends in Russia told me that you were also a singer. Is that true?
Arshavin: I recorded a single 2 years ago. “The football of my childhood” is a nice song about a boy with a dream of becoming a professional footballer.

OK, we knew about his ear-crippling karaoke on Russian TV, but a single? I need this. Now. (UPDATE: Arshavin's international mega-hit embedded below!)

5. From Nirosh
Hello, I am a Canadian, and a big Arsenal fan. I checked out the Arsenal/Birmingham game last October at the Emirates. And you scored the 3rd goal. Being Canadian, and being a big hockey fan, how do you feel about the Canadians dismantling the Russians 7-3 in the quarterfinals at the Olympics? Go Arsenal!!!
Regards,
Nirosh
Arshavin: How can one feel when the team he supports is losing?

Translation: Screw you, Nirosh. 

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Things were going so well for Adriano. Once he skipped out on Inter Milan and fell off the national team in the midst of reports of depression and a drinking problem, he settled back in Brazil and signed with Flamengo, where he found immediate success last season. He took the team to a national championship, won player of the year, got himself back on Dunga's roster, and recently even considered returning to a major club in Europe.

But in the last couple weeks, it's all started to go wrong for Adriano. His love life has lost its stability and he even supposedly got in a fight with ex-girlfriend Joanna Machado at a party before she threw rocks at his car in retaliation. Because of this, Adriano didn't show up for training on Friday, extending his absence to 11 days without training.

On top of all that is the worst bit of news -- according to club director Marcos Braz, who just last month said that Adriano can do whatever he wants, O Imperador is once again abusing alcohol.

From the Guardian:

"When he starts drinking, he can't stop," Braz told Rádio Bandeirantes. "He had overcome this but it started again because of this personal situation he is going through."

Adriano finally reappeared at Flamengo's training facility on Monday, but only briefly. He hung around for about an hour, talked to the manager, smiled for the pictured above, then left in a waiting car without doing any actual training.

And so begins another dramatic turn in the life of Adriano. Here's to hoping he can regain his always fleeting peace of mind. 

Photo: AP

After winning back England supporters at Wembley by being the only non-liability in defense against Egypt, John Terry was once again faced with a bunch of hecklers in the form of the traveling Stoke fans at Sunday's FA Cup quarterfinal match. They shouted the predictable chants about Terry's promiscuity and loss of the national team captaincy and tossed around an inflatable lady doll in an attempt to distract him. It didn't work, though, because Terry ended up scoring the second goal in Chelsea's 2-0 win that put them through to a semifinal date with Aston Villa. 

And once he killed Stoke's chances at a comeback, he celebrated by pulling up his sleeve to draw attention to his remaining armband (video below). Following the match, he explained the celebration:

"I was just giving the Stoke fans a bit of banter. That was all. They were giving me a bit of stick and I was just giving a bit back and that is what football is about. They are entitled to do what they do and so am I on the pitch as long as they take it in the right manner. I am sure they did."

Yes, I bet they quite enjoyed having their hopes crushed by the man they spent the whole day making fun of. Who doesn't?

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