Here's some important news that could change your life -- according to topless model and U.K. Big Brother winner Sophie Reade, Cristiano Ronaldo has had his eye on her for some time now. She says:

"I met Ronaldo when I was 18. I was having a meal with my boyfriend at the time.

"He cornered me on the way out the restaurant and asked for my number. I knew who he was but there was nothing I could do as my boyfriend dragged me away.

"But his manager recently rang my manager to see if I wanted to see him in Madrid. He is keen to meet me again apparently."

The young, single, and fabulously wealthy footballer who is known to have a thing for ladies who get naked in public is keen to meet her? Hard to believe. And despite being a Liverpool fan, Sophie is apparently a fan of Mr. Acid Wash up there, too.

I smell a deep emotional connection in the making here. Oh no, wait, that's just a mix of spray-tan and alcohol. Nevermind.

After saying all the right things, getting a fantastic reception, and then making Manchester United fans even happier by losing to his former club, Davey Becks attempted to cement a hero status in the red sections of Manchester by wrapping his tattooed neck in a green and gold scarf, which United fans are using as a symbolic protest against the club's awful owners. So does that mean Davey supports the anti-Glazer movement? After the match, he said:

"It's not for me to comment about the ownership of the club or how it is run, that is for other people.

"I saw the scarf and I picked it up because it is the original colours of the club as Newton Heath.

"I hope United now go all the way. They deserve to. It's a great fanbase at a great club with a great manager."

But not great owners? Of course he just happened to see the scarf on the ground, said "look at the pretty colors" and then put it on because of its historical place, having nothing to do with the much more relevant protest going on. Suuure.

Tact and professionalism aside, if he just came right out and said "the Glazers smell like feet and they're awful" he probably would've been named the god king of Manchester by now.

Photo: AP

While most members of AC Milan held out hope that they could go to Old Trafford and overcome the hole they fell into during the first leg of their Champions League tie with Manchester United, the club's vice president, Adriano Galliani, knew a day in advance that they had no hope. Said the Kojak-looking Debbie Downer after his side got eliminated:

“I knew it was going to go badly yesterday afternoon. We had taken Alexandre Pato, Alessandro Nesta and Luca Antonini in the squad, but all three of them pulled out with injuries on Tuesday.

“Without such important players and taking on a Manchester United side of such quality, it was always going to be extremely difficult.

“I don't think it will affect our Serie A form. Leonardo already did very well in the locker room to reassure the players.”

Yeah, and I'm sure hearing you tell the press how hopeless they are after suffering a few injuries that confidence Leonardo propped up will be flying high. 

Galliani went on to ramble about feline AIDS and how everyone dies alone in the end. 

Source: Football Italia

Real Madrid got knocked out of the Champions League round of 16 yet again despite spending like a kid on My Super Sweet 16 last summer and having Cristiano Ronaldo to score all their goals. Real-centric Spanish newspaper Marca is obviously not pleased by this development and it's quite clear who they're laying the blame on. Their readers don't agree, though, with 60% saying Pellegrini shouldn't be sacked for this embarrassment suffered to Lyon. 

So what does Real Madrid do now? Well, they'll certainly rethink their approach and build a cheaper squad based on chemistry instead of which name sells the most shirts. Hahaha just kidding -- they'll probably spend a bunch more money. 

On Saturday, Hiroshima Sanfrecce's Tomoaki Makino and Hisato Sato pulled off a tricky penalty kick in the third minute of a J-League match against Shimizu S-Pulse. The referee let the goal stand and the game went on to end in a 1-1 draw.

Not content to let things be and have the goal live on as a fun little YouTube highlight, the Japanese Football Association has declared that rules were broken and the referee was deceived. Said the JFA's referee's committee chief:

"Makino was clearly identified as the designated kicker (having placed the ball).

"The moment Sato entered the penalty area there should have been a free kick to Shimizu and a yellow card for unsportsmanlike conduct for Sato.

"The match officials are supposed to know the rules of the game and were unable to make the right decision. We will consider what (punitive) measures to take."

Of course, this wasn't the first time footballers have pulled some free kick deception. Perhaps most notably, Johan Cruyff and Jesper Olsen did it for Ajax in 1982 and Robert Pires and Thierry Henry failed miserably at their attempt when they were with Arsenal. But the difference here is that the designated kicker didn't touch the ball first, thus making it illegal.

Instead of the two players who pulled off the dubious penalty kick facing disciplinary action, though, it's the match referee, who could face a two-game ban for going along with it. Because he's supposed to "know the rules" like he's some kind of official authority on them or something.

Source: Reuters

According to a survey conducted by Virgin Money, 59 percent of Manchester United season ticket holders are considering not renewing, more than any other Premier League club. Obviously, the fans' displeasure with the club's ownership plays a role in that figure, but another club with similarly awful owners, Liverpool, has only 9 percent of season ticket holders considering not renewing (the club's mandate on not walking alone may have something to do with that, though). So what can Man United do to keep from losing as many as 30,000 of their 55,000 season ticket holders next season? Here are some ideas. 

-Rename season ticket holders "Red Knights" (everybody wants to be a knight)

-Season ticket holders get to throw item of their choice at Glazer of their choice

-Exclusive post-match parties featuring drunk karaoke with Rio Ferdinand

-Don't raise ticket prices when every other club in the league freezes or lowers them

-Every season ticket holder gets kung fu kicked by Eric Cantona

-"Shave Wayne Rooney's back" day

-Stop forcing season ticket holders to buy tickets for all home cup matches

-Sir Alex Ferguson gives every season ticket holder's boss the hairdryer treatment

-Chance to touch Dimitar Berbatov's widow's peak before every home match

-Redistribute unused Cristiano Ronaldo transfer cash

-For injured season ticket holders: rehab with Owen Hargreaves and Michael Owen

-Offer Nemanja Vidic to beat up the person of each season ticket holder's choosing

-Free pizza

-More free pizza

Photo: Reuters

This guy really needs to relax. After getting knocked off the ball by an opponent, he gets angrier than one should get while playing a sport just for fun and charges down his tormentor, then executes an awful, lunging tackle on the back of his leg.

It might be time for someone to find a stress-reliever that doesn't involve other humans or their vulnerable blind spots. 

Wigan owner Dave Whelan (pictured above, conjuring your default computer background) returned from a bit of sun and relaxation in Barbados just in time to see his club notch its first win in almost two months by beating Liverpool for the first time ever on Monday. And upon seeing first-hand that they're not actively trying to get relegated, he decided to make them an offer.

From the Mirror:

Whelan had been watching his club drop into trouble during his lengthy spell at his Barbados base but the way Roberto Martinez's men beat the Kop raised his spirits.

And Whelan is now promising an end-of-season break to the Latics stars if they finish the job and secure their top-flight status for another season.

Whelan has splashed out on the surprise holiday gift before, taking the Wigan staff to Barbados when they beat the drop in their first season in the Premier League.

Currently in 15th place in the Premier League, Wigan are four points above the drop zone, so they shouldn't be packing their bags just yet. One thing the team might want to clarify between now and the end of the season, however, is whether Whelan intends to bring them to his "Barbados base" as guests or as his summer staff. Either way, Titus Bramble will probably be making Pina Coladas the whole time, though. 

(Side note: One person who definitely won't be going to Barbados? That kid behind Whelan in the picture.)

Brazilian defender Cicinho, who is on loan at Sao Paulo from Roma, spent two injury-scarred seasons with Real Madrid. He apparently doesn't look back very fondly. He busted out his sour grapes and told Brazil's TV Bate Bola:

"When I left Real Madrid they told me that was crazy, but I lived there and knew. The crowd is not the problem but what happens in the dressing room. In addition, following the departure of Roberto Carlos and Ronaldo, the Brazilians lost strength."

According to Cicinho, the Spanish members of the club formed "gangs" (I'm imagining a cross between West Side Story and Mean Girls) and foreign players were held to a different standard.

"It is what is happening with Kaka being the best in the world and being questioned at Real Madrid. You can understand how difficult it is to work there."

Yeah, it's not exactly a pub team. But Cicinho offered the harshest revelation about Mr. Real Madrid himself, Raul:

"He has privileges at the club. The problem is that what happens in the dressing room is communicated to the press. I can not judge, but it always happened: if Ronaldo did something, there was Raul, saying: 'Ronaldo can not play because he's fat.'"

Snitch. I mean, telling the press that Ronaldo is fat isn't exactly revealing much of a secret, but still. 

Photo: Getty Images; Sources: AS and Goal

Davey Becks couldn't help but smile as he walked back onto the pitch at Old Trafford for a bit of training on Tuesday. The second leg of AC Milan's Champions League tie with Manchester United will mark the first time Beckham has played at the stadium he wishes he never left in seven years. Meanwhile, I'm pretty sure that cop has never seen a David Beckham in real life before. 

Before Davey even made it to Old Trafford, he had to push through a swarm of press and fans happy to see him back at Manchester airport. Here's what that claustrophobic's nightmare looked like...

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