Step 5: Hand over all NFL disciplinary action to Judge Judy.

I know that everyone’s in love with Roger Goodell’s John Wayne approach to disciplining players, but I honestly think we could hand the reins to Judge Judy and not lose much in the way of stern discipline.

And she adds a sass that the commissioner just doesn’t have. I’m sorry, but you can’t put a price on sass.

We take the same basic format of Judge Judy, but we extend the show to an hour and put it on the NFL Network. The player can be there to argue his side of things, and if they want, the league can send someone to argue for a big, huge suspension. The Judge’s ruling is final, though. No exceptions.

Let’s say her first case is Michael Vick’s, and she decides that Vick’s paid his debt to society, and will be allowed back into the NFL immediately. Now picture the interview segment immediately after the show, where some out-of-work weatherman interviews the defendent and the plaintiff, and Michael Vick is celebrating his victory, while Roger Goodell stalks around the hallway behind him screaming, “THIS IS BULL!” It would be captivating television.

We’d have the same thing for Plaxico Burress, Donte Stallworth, etc. Really, there’s no reason that these things can’t be settled in one hour. Maybe we could stretch it two, if need be. Justice is swift. Maybe there’s a hotline where fans can call in, and vote for the verdict of their choice.

And afterwards, there’s something to talk about all day long on the NFL Network. It would be a media event, as opposed to just a standard press release from the league. There would be highlights, like when Plax made his tearful apology, and when Judge Judy told Roger Goodell to shut his mouth. It would be perfect.

Chance of this actually happening: 0%

Would improve the offseason by: 21%

Step 4: Mandatory appearances by star players on Celebrity Jeopardy.

I think Jeopardy’s still on the air. I’m not sure. If it is, who wouldn’t like to see Peyton Manning and Tom Brady take their rivalry to the Jeopardy board?

Throw Ben Roethlisberger into the mix, and you’ve got a fantastic AFC quarterback showdown. There’s no way I’d miss it; especially the part where Roethlisberger’s total is at negative $22,000, and Brady looks over at him and yells, “DERRRRRR!”

If we could have a week full of NFL Celebrity Jeopardy, here’s how I’d want it to go:

Monday: Ben Roethlisberger, Tom Brady, Peyton Manning
Tuesday: Terrell Owens, Chad Johnson, Plaxico Burress
Wednesday: Vince Young, Brett Favre, Ryan Fitzpatrick
Thursday: Shawne Merriman, DeMarcus Ware, Joey Porter
Friday: The top three scorers of the week

Honestly, though, I wouldn’t be picky. I’d be interested in watching just about any player with a halfway recognizable name. The one person I’d insist on is Joey Porter, because I’d like to see him get frustrated with his clicker thingie, snap into a ball of rage, and tear down the entire Jeopardy set with his bare hands.

Chance of this actually happening: 0%

Would improve the offseason by: 12%

Step 3: The 32–team NFL golf tournament. Winner gets to take one game on their schedule and decide it via a golf match, as opposed to a football game.

All 32 teams send their best two golfers to a week-long tournament in some beautiful, sunny location. It’s a match play tournament, with each team of two playing alternate-shot for 18 holes against another team.

The prize has to be worthwhile so teams and players will take it seriously. I think it’s appropriate, too. The team that wins will obviously have some strong golfers, and they’ll get to pick any game on their regular season schedule to replace with a golf match.

For example, if the Jets were to win the tournament, they could opt to not play the Patriots in New England, but instead take on the Patriots’ best two golfers in an 18–hole match. They get what amounts to an extra bye week, and if they plan it right, it should be an automatic win. And if it’s not, and it turns out to be a close match, imagine the compelling drama we’d get if Jay Feely had to make an eight-foot putt to secure a playoff spot for the Jets.

The real purpose, though, is the tournament itself, which would help to break up the monotony of the off-season. I want live microphones on everyone, especially the teams that have only one good golfer, and one duffer.

It’s something that would be great for the self-esteem of kickers, too. Kickers are typically the best golfers, so this gives them another purpose on the team. It would make for fantastic television to send a tiny little kicker and his -1 handicap out to the course with a hulking linebacker and his handicap of 46, and just listen to the kicker make fun of the linebacker all day long.

Everyone in the tournament has to have been with the team they’re representing for a minimum of one calendar year, too. This way, we can’t have the Colts signing Padraig Harrington to a free-agent deal.

Also, if ESPN ends up broadcasting the tournament, there’s one more very important rule: No Berman.

Chance of this actually happening: 0%

Would improve the offseason by: 9%

Step 2: If you drive drunk, you star in a Lifetime movie about you driving drunk.

These movies would have to be financed entirely by the player, would star the player as himself, be written by the Lifetime people and the player would pay for each movie to be broadcast on Lifetime, in primetime, without commercial interruption.

Each one of these movies would be highly fictionalized. So even if, in the case of someone like Owen Schmitt, he got a DUI in which no one was hurt, in the Lifetime movie, his DUI would have killed an adorable little five-year-old girl, or a remarkable 16–year-old boy who was on track to be both an NFL quarterback, and if things broke right, a candidate to become Pope.

It would be called something like, “Hitting the Sauce and Dealing With Loss: The Owen Schmitt Story.”

During the movie, of course, Owen would get the full Lifetime treatment. We’d delve into traumatic incidents from his past, his daddy issues, and there would be scenes where angry women just berate him like a little boy. At the end, he ends up sobbing, realizing what he’s done, and hopefully, we all learn a valuable lesson. And then I review the movie on Shutdown Corner the next day.

Roger Goodell will watch the movie, too, and if at any point, he feels like Schmitt was mailing in his performance, he has the option to hit him with an eight-game suspension, no questions asked. That should ensure that the actors really dedicate themselves to their craft.

If Lifetime wants, they can donate proceeds from the broadcast to MADD, or maybe flash an 800–number on the screen where viewers can call up and make their own donations.

It works out for everyone. We get some offseason entertainment, Lifetime gets some free programming, a ratings boost and some attention from football-loving men. The NFL should get some good PR out of it. And if nothing else will dissuade them, hopefully offending NFL players, the next time they’re thinking about getting behind the wheel of a car while drunk, will think, “I do not want to star in another Lifetime movie. I can’t take Gail O’Grady yelling at me again.”

Chance of this actually happening: 0%

Would improve the offseason by: 31%

Step 1: Every quarterback controversy automatically becomes a reality television series.

Let’s face it: Sports are reality television. We have our favorites and those whom with we identify, and we have those we’d like to see banished forever. We follow these people over an entire season, through their drama and their ups and downs, and we don’t miss a minute as the story of the season unfolds.

If sports and reality television aren’t the same thing, they’re at least meant to go hand-in-hand. To me, the part of the NFL that would best lend itself to the constant presence of cameras would be the battle for the starting quarterback spot.

Here’s the plan. After the draft and the better part of free agency, a committee (headed by me, ideally) decides on five or six of the most intriguing quarterback controversies, and we send cameras to those teams. They are instructed to film everything.

The players might not like, and the coaches definitely won’t. But I’m thinking about me here. I would like it. I think you might, too.

For example, take Matthew Stafford vs. Daunte Culpepper in Detroit. We’re all interested. We’re all following it. But how well can we really follow it? Our only measures to keep tabs on the race are carefully measured quotes from coaches, and reports from beat writers like, “Stafford made some good throws in practice today.” We don’t really know anything. We’re just waiting for an answer.

In 2009, that’s not good enough. We have the means to get more information, and we deserve it. I want constant surveillance. At practices, at home, studying the playbook, in the confessional, whatever. I’m sure there’s a way to edit the footage so that no vital strategic information is given away, while still giving the viewer a sense of who’s actually performing better, who wants it more, and who the other players are siding with.

I would think the NFL Network, ESPN, or SpikeTV would be more than interested. And you can’t tell me you wouldn’t be. You wouldn’t like to see which quarterback can make which throws? You wouldn’t like to see how much of an effort the young guy is making to learn the playbook? You wouldn’t want to see how much help the veteran gives the young guy, or how much he decides to focus on helping himself?

Chance of this actually happening: 0%

Would improve the offseason by: 18%

Bruce stripped off his jersey and pads, crossed his hands over his chest and lay still on the field. He says he was honoring the King of Pop by pretending to be buried. (Not that Jackson has been interred yet, by the way.)

You can watch the video here.

Bruce, who hails from Kansas and played college football at Minnesota, was assessed two objectional conduct penalties for the "homage". The CFL is reviewing the play as well.

This isn't the first time a Bruce celebration has led to penalties. He was fined in 2008 for putting on a Spiderman mask after scoring a touchdown.

It’s not exactly breaking news that the highest-paid players in the NBA, MLB and professional golf make more than the highest-paid NFL’ers. In fact, Joe Dumars spent his entire Wednesday making the point that you don’t have to be a great player in the NBA to get big-time money.

And Sports Illustrated’s Fortunate 50 really hammers that point home. Of the top 50 highest-paid American athletes, only one NFL player cracks the top 25. Peyton Manning at number 10.

After that, we don’t see another NFL guy until Tom Brady at 28. You can find him right behind Barry freakin’ Zito and Ray freakin’ Allen.

So why, when compared to Phil Mickelson, Alex Rodriguez, and Kevin Garnett, do most NFL players look like filthy hobos, carrying all their earthly possessions around in a bandana tied to the end of a stick? Here are a few theories:

1) Endorsement opportunities are limited. I think it’s a factor that players’ faces have to be covered for most of the three or four hours they spend on television every week. You’ve also got the NFL doing everything they can to limit personal expression through celebrations, things players can wear, etc. Plus, basketball players can sell people basketball shoes, and golfers can sell people all kinds of golf equipment. Best of luck to an NFL guy trying to sell cleats or mouthpieces.

2) Salary cap/big rosters. The salary cap limits what players can be paid, but of course, that’s not unique to the NFL. The fact that they have to pay 53 guys and about a dozen coaches is unique, though. They’ve got to spread the money around a little further.

3) Contract structure. There’s some weirdness allowed in the way NFL money is handed out. If a guy’s going to make $50 million over 5 years, he might get $25 million of that in the first year, so he’ll be appearing in lists like this one in that first year, and left out of it for the next four. That’s why guys like Texans defensive lineman Antonio Smith and Rams center Jason Brown are able to crack the top 50. They both just signed big free agent deals that are heavy up front.

It’s kind of a shame. I think NFL players, generally speaking, take more of a beating than most other athletes in the major professional sports. Yet, they have the hardest time getting paid. Here’s hoping that your kids grow up to be 6’10” power forwards, and not 6’0” running backs.

Gracias, The Huddle.

When asked if his job would become easier if Brandon Marshall were to be traded:

"My job is already easy, to tell you the truth. It's really not hard to do, even if [Brandon Marshall] didn't get traded"

When asked about the Chiefs' passing game this year:

"They never had a passing game. They don't even have Gonzalez."

When asked who he would date, if given a choice of Ciara, Beyonce, or Keri Hilson:

"None, they are too uppity."

When asked about the best cornerback in the NFL:

"I think I'm the best. If you match up next to Nnamdi from the Raiders, us two are the best."

When asked about playing in front of Oakland fans:

"It's boring in the Black Hole."

When asked about covering Chiefs receiver Dwayne Bowe:

"Dwayne Bowe only has two catches on me in two years, so I've never had a hard time against him."

So if you’re a fan of any AFC West team other than the Chargers, there’s probably something in there to offend you. No one can accuse Antonio Cromartie of playing favorites. He believes he is great, and that everyone else sucks.

Which is usually a perfectly acceptable attitude for an NFL corner. It’s a position that requires a high degree of confidence, and you could argue that that everyone should believe they’re the best. The issue with Antonio Cromartie believing that, though, is that he was not very good last year.

He did play through a hip injury, but still, poor play is poor play. The number two corner spot is one of the big question marks for the Chargers in 2009, and Cromartie just upped the wattage of the spotlight that’s placed directly on him. If he can back it up, that’s fine. If he can’t, he just put himself in Freddie Mitchell territory.

Gracias, Pro Football Talk.

Tiger Woods and Tony Romo play a round of golf. No, it's not the set-up to a joke (one whose inevitable punch line is "and Romo fumbled his putter on the 18th hole"). The pairing actually happened this morning at the pro-am for Tiger's golf tournament, the AT&T National.

Normally, this would be a fine idea. Romo is a huge sports star with a famous girlfriend and a microscopic handicap. Playing with Tiger seems like a natural fit. But this practice round was played in Bethesda, Md., which is a stone's throw from the nation's capital. A Cowboys quarterback in Redskins country? Even Jessica Simpson could have figured out how this one was going to end.

Not surprisingly, Romo was booed lustily at Congressional by Redskins fans. However, there were a number of Cowboys fans who stormed the country club in support of their quarterback, many of them dressed in their Sunday finest (Romo's No. 9 jersey). This inspired a Twitter debate about why there were so many Romo shirts yet so little clothing-support for the hometown 'Skins. One handsome Twitterer responded: "There's no Redskins gear at Congressional because only Cowboys fans are low-class enough to wear jerseys to a golf tournament." (I kid 'cause I care. And because it's totally true.)

Dan Steinberg (who has been a one-man Woodward and Bernstein on this story) wrote that Redskins quarterback Jason Campbell received the biggest cheers of the day during the pre-round introductions, which begs the question: Why did Tiger choose Romo in the first place?

It looks like he had no idea that it would be an issue:

For him to come here to D.C., certainly I didn't realize it was gonna be THIS big a deal. He's a big golf nut, and loves to play golf, has tried to qualify for U.S. opens before, and loves to play and understands how to play. I've always wanted to play with him and he accepted our invitation to come out and play, which was awfully nice of him. It's gonna be a fun round, but also an interesting one. He's used to being booed. It is what it is.

Ahh, good ol' "it is what it is." Translation: "I can't believe I'm actually taking questions about why I chose Tony Romo over Rock Cartwright."

Of course Tiger didn't see the inherent problem, that's not his job. Other people involved in the tournament, particularly those on the D.C.-side of things, should have suggested that Woods play with a hometown favorite and not a hated rival. For this fact to have gotten past dozens of people is like an expletive getting printed in The Washington Post because none of the five editors caught it.

In the grand scheme of things is this really that big a deal? Of course not. But for an individual who is as image-conscious as Tiger Woods, having the story turn into "Tiger and Tony" instead of "Tiger's AT&T National" can't be pleasing. 

In addition to Steinberg, a job well-done to Matt Terl and Hogs Haven on this today as well.

They also pants each other.

They do if they’re Oakland Raiders fourth-round draft pick Louis Murphy, anyway. From Dave George at PalmBeachPost.com:

That's exactly what happened Tuesday to Vontae Davis, the Dolphins' top draft pick, who was in the middle of an interview with several reporters about the serious issue of identity theft when Louis Murphy, an Oakland Raiders rookie, snuck up from behind and snatched Davis' gym shorts down around his ankles as a harmless gotcha prank.

Really, Louis Murphy? That’s your contribution to the Rookie Symposium? A good pantsing? Clearly, the Rookie Symposium is not for you, Louis, as you’re already displaying a tremendous amount of maturity. In fact, I hear that the league is considering asking you to teach a session at next year’s symposium entitled, “Girls you like, and why it’s better to call them names at recess instead of telling them you like them.”

The Symposium — four 16–hour days of meetings, lectures, and sketches — wraps up today. Keep an eye on your pants, gentlemen.

The Fifth Down brought to my attention a beautiful system that involves strategy, rewards the boldest head coach, does not lengthen the game, keeps the basic structure of a football game intact, and, perhaps most importantly, leaves no one with any room to whine.

Here’s how it would go. The sudden death system stays in place, and the first team to score still wins the game. If that happens on the first possession, so be it. That's still the same.

However, we throw out the coin toss, and in its place, to determine which team gets the football first, we have a silent auction.

Each coach writes down the yard-line at which they’d be willing to accept the ball, and they put their bid in a sealed envelope. Both coaches hand the envelopes to an official at midfield, and the coach who’s written down the least advantageous yard-line gets the ball, at the yard-line he's written down.

So, for example, say the Steelers and Cardinals are going to overtime. Naturally, both teams want the ball first. Mike Tomlin would like the ball, but he wouldn’t mind putting the responsibility on his great defense, either, so he writes down “22 yard-line.” But Ken Whisenhunt is willing to take more of a risk, trusts his offense more, and he’s written down “11 yard-line.”

So we start overtime with the Cardinals having possession of the ball, first and 10 at their own 11. The Cards have the ball, but they’ve got quite a bit of work to do to get into field goal range. The Steelers defense has them in a tough spot, and if they do their job, the Steelers get the ball in good field position.

If Ken Whisenhunt doesn’t like that, he shouldn’t have been willing to take the ball at the 11. If Mike Tomlin doesn’t like not getting the ball first, he should have been willing to start from deeper than his own 22.

I think it’s brilliant. Perhaps some will bristle at the thought of a silent auction, a term more traditionally associated with vintage cars or estate sales, but I really think it’s perfect here. The randomness of the coin toss is eliminated, and instead, the reward goes to the coach who makes the best football decision.

The plan was dreamt up in 2003 by a fellow named Chris Quanbeck, but today’s the first I’ve heard of it. They wrote to the league about it, and NFL head of officiating Mike Pereira expressed some interest, but nothing ever came of it.

Maybe a bit more publicity will help, so this is me, doing my part. Really give it some thought, NFL. This is the best system, and I think it’s something fans would eventually grow to love.

As far as predicting where Vick will land this year, though, Green has crowned the Dolphins’ asses. Via Pro Football Talk, this is what Green had to say on Sirius NFL Radio yesterday.

“I have a hard time believing that Michael Vick is not going to wind up with Bill Parcells, simply because he has that creativeness that says that no matter what it takes, he’s going to find a way to get Michael Vick.  Now, whether it means convincing the Commissioner or whatever it takes, Michael Vick is probably going to wind up at Miami because of the fact that Bill Parcells is Bill Parcells.”

If what Vick needs is a structured and disciplined environment, Miami certainly qualifies. Byron Hadley and Warden Norton don’t run as tight a ship as Tony Sparano and Bill Parcells. And it would make for a terrific story; Michael following in his esteemed brother Marcus’s footsteps as a Miami Dolphin legend.

From a personnel standpoint, though, the Dolphins seem like an odd fit to me. Didn’t they just draft Pat White as sort of a Wildcat specialist? Would they see Vick as an every down quarterback, replacing Chad Pennington, either now or in the future? Or would they add him on the general principle that there’s no such thing as too much talent?

And would they be concerned that Vick would kidnap Snowflake, drive him up to the Sea World in Orlando and make him fight the other Dolphins?

These are questions that the Dolphins will have to answer, if Roger Goodell lets them.

Ugh. That is, to say the least, not a pleasant listen. It really brings the horror of the whole terrible situation right to you.

There’s not a lot of commentary I’m willing to add to it. I won’t attempt to gauge Stallworth’s remorse or anything else based off of the distraught 911 call he made at a time when I doubt anyone would be able to think clearly.

It was seen as a positive sign for the young signal-caller, as his work ethic and leadership abilities had been major question marks to this point in his young career.

And then, on Sunday, this item appeared in Mike Lombardi’s column at the National Football Post:

The work ethic of quarterback JaMarcus Russell is still being questioned by many who have worked with him in the past and are working with him now. After he issued a call to his teammates to practice and finish the OTA days strong, he then disappeared and was AWOL on the last day.

That last day was “voluntary,” of course, so Russell technically didn’t break any team rules. Except, that is, the unwritten rule that says you can’t tell other people how hard to work unless you plan on working that hard yourself.

Maybe Russell had a perfectly good excuse for missing the last day. I don’t know. Still, if I were a Raiders fan, I’d be concerned, while sitting around on house arrest, about the report that people who work with with Russell every day still question his work ethic.

While surveying some land he purchased in Wyoming, Cooley and friends ran across a big dead cow. They wanted to get rid of it, and not having a better method at hand, they flambéed the big rotting heap of flesh.

Cooley promises he has video, too, though he hasn’t posted it yet. I don’t know what he’s waiting for. I couldn’t tell you why, but burning a dead cow in the middle of nowhere seems like fun to me.

If you’re wondering about animal cruelty/proper dispoal issues, I’m afraid I don’t have a straight answer for you. No one was immediately available to take my call at Wyoming Animal Control this morning. Cooley did get a reply on his facebook page from someone named Christie Lopez, though, who said the following:

As the Director for adoptions for a rescue, an animal rights activist, a Vet Tech and a member of the HSUS this is not an act of cruelty. It all rights burning the corpse of a dead farm animal is the right thing to do to stop the spread of disease.

So there’s that. Personally, I can’t think of anything immoral about it. The cow’s dead. There’s no cruelty involved. Unless the cow had some religious affiliation that stipulates that a dead body must be dealt with in a certain way, I think Cooley’s in the clear here.

Of course, New Zealand lost 55-0 to Canada, Sweden lost 41-0 to Mexico, and France lost 78-0 to the United States. But they were still there, and they managed to show up on time and put on their uniforms properly. So that's something. Also in the opening round, Japan squeaked out a 10-7 victory over the Germans.

Taking a closer look at the USA vs. France game, it might not have been as close as the 78-0 final score would indicate. Total yards were 610-7 in favor of the United States. France rushed for -31 total yards. Quarterback M. Sprauel went 2-of-13 for six yards and was sacked three times. The United States ran for over 400 yards. Ten players caught passes.

The game wasn't without its moral victories for France, though. From the FFFA website, with a tip of the cap to Yahoo! Babelfish, here's their opening paragraph of the game's story:

This night the Team of France Junior fell heavily, 78 to 0, vis-a-vis the American formation directed by the coach Chuck Kyle. In front of more than 10.000 people come in Fawcett stadium to attend the first match of their national team, the young French do not have for as much not demerit. In spite of a physical and technical domination logically awaited on behalf of the American players, the French played this match until the end, without excess in their play, entering only 4 penalties for 25 yards against 11 per 110 yards for the adversaries.

Alright! High five, Frenchie, for the lack of excess in your play. You only had four penalties to our 11. Congratulations are in order.

France will be back in their own weight class on Wednesday when they take on Sweden, in what will be a fairer fight. The United States will also face a tougher test as they take on Mexico.

Gracias, Dan Steinberg at The Sporting Blog.

AirAsia, a low-cost airline that does not currently fly anywhere in the United States, has entered into a sponsorship with the Oakland Raiders. The result is what you see above, an A340 Airbus painted with Raiders logos, insignias, images, and the "Commitment to Excellence" slogan that's been kind of funny for a while now.

A sponsorship deal with an airline has been a dream of Al Davis's since his childhood friendship with Wilbur and Orville Wright.

Maybe it's just me, and I'm a little bit of a nervous traveler to begin with, but I can't say I'd feel completely comfortable getting on that plane. When I board a flight, the last thing I want to think of is something like, oh, I don't know ... the flight of your typical JaMarcus Russell pass. It may have some velocity, and it may look pretty in the air, but where and how it's going to land is anybody's guess.

Of course, that won't be a concern in Cambodia, China, Thailand, Taiwan, The Philippines, Brunei, Indonesia, Malaysia, Laos, Myanmar, or any of the other countries serviced by AirAsia. American football isn't all that popular in Asia (or anywhere outside of North America, really), so the overwhelming majority of customers won't have any idea that the logo on the side of the plane represents an organization that's currently synonymous with losing and embarrassing, team-crippling mismanagement.

So other than finding an employer, which won't be a problem, there's only one thing standing between Burress and playing ball this season. That would be commissioner Roger Goodell, who started reviewing Plaxico's situation this weekend.

I say the smart money is on Burress eating a pretty healthy suspension, judging from Goodell's past behavior in handing out punishment. How long of a suspension, though? Well, how does one year grab you?

That might seem excessive for a crime where the only victim was the perpetrator himself (an argument I'm sure someone from the Burress team will make to Goodell), but there's a way you can look at it in which a full year would be completely justifiable. Consider the Donte Stallworth suspension.

They're not entirely dissimilar cases. Stallworth didn't have any malicious intent when he got behind the wheel of his car, but when he did so drunk, he put the health and safety of others at risk. Burress also didn't have any malicious intent when he walked into that nightclub, but when he did so with a gun tucked into the waistband of his sweatpants, he put the health and safety of others at risk.

Both showed poor judgment, both broke the law, and both endangered innocent people. Really, the only difference between the two is dumb luck.

Stallworth, as you know, has been suspended indefinitely by the NFL, courtesy of Goodell, even though a court of law gave him only 30 days in the clink. When it comes to trying to predict Roger Goodell's punitive behavior, though, you can forget all about the law. He isn't concerned with what the legal system does, and he doesn't have to be. His responsibility is not to dictate right or wrong, moral or immoral. It's to protect the NFL and its image, so that corporate interests and the general public will feel comfortable supporting them.

That's why Stallworth got the big suspension. The public wanted it, and Goodell gave it to them. I don't think the public would be opposed to Burress getting suspended for a year, either. In fact, I'd expect another round of columnists and sportscasters everywhere praising Goodell for ruling with an iron fist.

That's my official prediction for a Plaxico's punishment. A full one year suspension. Please share yours in the comments.

Without Adam Vinateri, the New England Patriots wouldn't have won three Super Bowl titles. Without Tom Brady, Adam Vinatieri wouldn't have been in a position to give the Patriots those titles. Without Bill Belichick, Tom Brady's quarterbacking wouldn't have set-up Adam Vinateri to hit the kicks to win those titles. And without Robert Kraft, Bill Belichick wouldn't have been in New England to help both Brady and Vinateiri win those titles. And without Michael Jackson (yes, that Michael Jackson), Bob Kraft wouldn't have bought the New England Patriots and the dynasty that was may never have been.

As Forbes described in a 2005 article, Michael Jackon's 1984 Victory tour was directly responsible for Kraft purchasing Foxboro Stadium in 1988, a transaction that eventually led to him being able to buy the team in 1994.

In 1988 Kraft and a partner put up $25 million to buy the Foxboro stadium from the Sullivan family, besting a $16 million offer from the Pats' owner, Kiam. (Kraft would buy out his 50-50 partner for a small premium five years later.) [Former Patriots owner, and current Foxboro Stadium owner] Charles Sullivan had used the stadium as collateral to fund [Michael Jackson's] Victory Tour back in 1984. Overleveraged, Sullivan went bankrupt and was forced to sell the arena. To this day Kraft's collection of photos and mementos includes a poster from the ill-fated tour.

Basically, Sullivan got in over his head funding Michael Jackson's Victory tour (something that those concert organizers in London can commiserate with now) and was forced to sell the stadium because of the bad investment, a move which furthered Bob Kraft's quest to own his hometown Patriots. (Because Kraft owned the stadium, the team couldn't be sold without his approval. When new owner Victor Kiam wanted to sell to a St. Louis businessman intent on re-selling the team or moving it, Kraft stepped in and bid 50 percent more, buying the Patriots for $172 million in 1994.

It was a transaction that began a run toward three Super Bowls, a perfect regular season and the career of one of the greatest coaches and quarterbacks that the league has ever seen. And to think, it was all set in motion by the guy with the glove moonwalking across the stage. "Wanna' Be Startin' Somethin'" indeed.

Thanks, FanNation, via Boston Globe

Anyway, after news of Michael Jackson's death broke yesterday, Johnson had a typically measured response:

That's some good perspective there, Chad.

Can we please put a moratorium on comparing all tragic events to 9/11 (and, for that matter, all evil things to Hitler)? Those are the extremes. The news of yesterday can still be plenty sad without having to break out comparisons to anything else.

Johnson retracted his statement a few moments later, though the apology read like he came to the conclusion his analogy was weak because of responses from fellow Twitter folk not because he realized anything was wrong with it. Still, at least he took it back.

At some point, an athlete is going to say something even more stupid and controversial on Twitter and it's going to lead to a big public outcry.

When it does, it should be interesting to see whether teams ever put in contract provisions that ban players from writing blogs or making Tweets. In this week's Sports Illustrated blogging Washington Wizards center Brendan Haywood tells Dan Patrick that he'd accept it if his team's front office made his writing go through an editing process.

Thanks to athletes like Chad Johnson, that day may come sooner rather than later.

Thanks, The Big Lead

It's not so bad, though. It's a story about people being sick about Brett Favre, which, according to one guy, includes a lot of the players in the NFL. Safety-turned-NBC studio filler Rodney Harrison was on the Dan Patrick show yesterday, and had this to say about the Brett Favre media circus.

"From the player's I've talked to, a lot of them seem to think Brett Favre is pretty selfish," Favre said. "Each and every offseason bringing so much attention to himself. It's just really a disappointment to hear that time and time again.

"If you've been in the league 13, 14, 15 years or so you know if you want to play. The circus shouldn't have to go on for three to four years. It's just a disappointment. Then the media they're just so caught up and in love with Brett Favre ... It's ridiculous because a lot of guys are doing good, positive things in the National Football League and those keep things keep getting overlooked."

I agree, Mr. Harrison. And I also enjoy the smell of you grilling a sacred media cow.

But in fairness to Favre, I don't think it's his fault that the good things NFL players do are overlooked by the media. Those things have always been overlooked. Give a media guy a choice -- and I'm including myself in this -- and 99 times out of 100 he'll take a story about an idiot getting a DUI over a story about a guy spending a weekend volunteering with Habitat for Humanity. For whatever the reasons, that's just how it's always gone. You can't pin that on Favre.

The rest of it, though? Bingo.

Gracias, NFL Gridiron Gab.

You know what would be the second-most perfect job for Matt Millen? Coach/GM of a UFL franchise.

I wish I'd thought of this sooner. Not that there's any chance it would've happened, but I'd have felt better about making the suggestion at a point when there was at least a chance. Some universal karmic court should have forced Millen to buy a UFL franchise with his own (stolen) money, and then serve as the coach and general manager for that franchise.

It's a can't-lose proposition, really. Say Millen runs the UFL's hypothetical Chicago Balkis. One of two things happen. One, he could be a success, gain some measure of redemption, and show people that he is not a football dunce. If it went down like that, we'd all maybe have some time to cool off, maybe we'd gain some respect for him, and it wouldn't be so hard to take him seriously as an NFL analyst, if that's what he wanted to do in a couple of years.

Or two, the Chicago Balkis would be just as bad as the Detroit Lions were, Millen would further embarrass himself, and he'd take a hit in the wallet. Why is this good? Well, it's not, for Millen. But for us, as fans, we'd all get another good laugh at his expense (which he totally deserves), and Detroit fans would get to stand by and chuckle as he ruined some other city's team (which they totally deserve).

As it stands now, it's just awkward for everybody. He's universally acknowledged as a complete failure, and yet, we've got to see if we can deal with him as an analyst on Monday and Thursday nights throughout the season. And there's no way that Detroit fans will feel anything but smoldering hatred for him every time they turn on the television. That's just not fair to them.

It's like "The Price is Right". If you completely fail at Plinko, you don't get to go straight to the Showcase Showdown. You've got to be lucky enough to squeeze into the part where you spin the big wheel, and if you win there, then you get to cakewalk into the Showcase Showdown.

Millen somehow slides right in to the part with the Jet Skis and the bedroom set, despite the fact that he not only lost at Plinko, but he ate half the Plinko chips and he stabbed Bob Barker with one of the pegs in the Plinko board. It's not fair to anyone. The UFL as a stopping point between gigs would have been much better for all involved.

Tosh.0	Thurs, 10pm / 9c
Terrell Owens Apologizes
www.comedycentral.com
Daniel Tosh Miss Teen South Carolina Demi Moore Picture

Nicely done, Terrell. Clever, (somewhat) self-deprecating, and well-executed. And now that it's out of the way, you have more time to focus on doing more things that will require you to apologize in the future. Like getting your foot caught in a cargo net while serving as the teammate to an extremely mean and self-centered woman on a lame reality show.

I like Daniel Tosh, but I haven't seen his show yet. It's probably because I don't get Comedy Central in HD, and I've definitely turned into an HD snob. Am I missing anything?

First, it was Solomon Wilcots, then Mike Golic, and now, Chad is stepping up in weight class with a challenge to San Diego Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman. The last word currently belongs to Merriman, and he's presented it in video form:

Mr. Merriman does not appear to be kidding.

How did we get there? What is the "calling out" that Merriman speaks of? Here's the series of Chad's apparently unprovoked Merriman-directed tweets:

Somebody please tell Shawne Merriman thats is ass on Dec. 20th, relay the message to the rest of the D, especially Cromartie!!!!child please

@shawnemerriman damit i didnt stutter, i never held my tongue before, you heard me loud and clear, and we can get in the boxing ring to

CHILD PLEASE, is the word for the day, Shawne Merriman tryin to stop Ocho Cinco, CHILD PLEASE, better chance at finding Osama!!!

Headed to the boxing gym, deal with Mr. Merriman when i return, talking about ringing my neck out, yo lights gone be off permenantly!!!!

Damit people how do i get the camera on my mac book pro to work, its my turn to talk trash

We are all witnessing the evolution of NFL feuds, where pauses are mandatory so that the instigator can figure out how to work the camera on his MacBook Pro. It's a unique time, 2009.

In the unlikely event that these two ever do actually come to blows, my money's on Merriman.

Free agents lost: S Rashad Baker, WR Ronald Curry, DE Kalimba Edwards, FB Justin Griffith, C Jake Grove, OT Kwame Harris, QB Jeff Otis, S Gibril Wilson

Free agents gained: OT Khalif Barnes, DL Ryan Boschetti, S Keith Davis, DE Greg Ellis, TE J.P. Foschi, WR Will Franklin, QB Charlie Frye, QB Jeff Garcia, QB Bruce Gradkowski, CB Jason Horton, FB Lorenzo Neal, WR Samie Parker, OT Erik Pears, RB Gary Russell, C Samson Satele

Drafted: WR Darrius Heyward-Bey, SS Mike Mitchell, DE Matt Shaughnessy, WR Louis Murphy, DE Slade Norris, DE Stryker Sulak, TE Brandon Myers

One gets the feeling that this is the make or break year for JaMarcus Russell as a Raider. He doesn't have to set the world on fire, but he's got to have more games like he did last year in weeks 16 and 17 (128.1 rating against Houston, 98.9 rating against Tampa Bay), than he did in weeks 13 and 14 (51.5 rating against Kansas City, 42.0 against San Diego).

A couple of months into the season, he's either going to be the guy who can lead the Raiders for years to come, or the guy who just lost his job to 72-year-old Jeff Garcia. For the first time in his career, there's a decent veteran quarterback behind him, so the pressure's on. He has to at least show that the game's starting to slow down for him, and that he's starting to get it. The Raiders can't just sit there and absorb his inconsistency forever.

Lucky for JaMarcus, though, the Raiders got him some help at receiver. They drafted Darrius Heyward-Bey, an All-ACC honorable mention who relies on his speed, except for when his hamstring is injured, as it has been since the second he put on a Raiders practice uniform. And they got him at number seven overall, which was a total steal.

There are scenarios, though, where I could see the Raiders finishing second in the AFC West. The Chiefs are still rebuilding, and they've got a ton of variables that could go either way, and Josh McDaniels has made it clear that he will not stop alienating players until the Broncos are the worst team in the division.

If a couple of offensive line additions work out, and that unit gets stabilized, the Raiders could have an explosive running/receiving out-of-the-backfield game. They're talented and deep at running back, and if they can make opposing defenses respect the pass at all, who knows? The Raiders offense might not be terrible.

Defensively, I'm still leaning towards terrible, though. The production they've gotten out of their defensive line has not matched the payroll, nor has it even come close. Adding Greg Ellis is a good thing, but I don't know that he's a huge difference maker. Nnamdi Asomugha needs help in the secondary, and it would be nice if Michael Huff decided every now and then to get to a wide receiver before he caught the football.

Progress: It's been a reasonably productive offseason. I like the Jeff Garcia addition, and I do think he'll be under center before too long. I like Lorenzo Neal, I like Greg Ellis, and outside of Heyward-Bey, the Raiders managed not to pay anyone three or four times what they're worth. I call that progress.

Plus one game. 5-11 last year, 6-10 this year.

That was not his motive, though. Johnson wants rid of the moniker because he wants his own nickname. "Every Coach's Dream" is the incredibly non-humble handle he came up with.

“Smash and Dash have had a divorce — that’s official,’’ Johnson said. “I have to be my own guy, so no more Smash and Dash, that was last year. Every Coach’s Dream, that’s me. Because they say every team has its own identity. I feel for me, I can’t be noticed as a group any more. I am my own guy.’’

Johnson announced the decision (poorly) on Twitter. He made the announcement without any input from LenDale White, who was the first to dub he and his running mate "Smash and Dash." He also Tweets that "Lendale white is upset mad he don't know to accept that we are split up." I do hate to see LenDale get upset mad.

I can't say I'm a fan of the move, either. Johnson had an incredible rookie year and certainly has the right to his own nickname, but why break up something that was so productive last year? I understand wanting your own notoriety, I'm just a tiny bit concerned about anything that's done because a guy doesn't want to share the spotlight with a teammate anymore.

Johnson and White working as a tandem works. Any indication, tiny as it may be, that Johnson isn't happy with the amount of attention he's getting for himself strikes me as just a little bit Chad Ochocinco-ish. That is not something that every coach dreams of.

Between this new Ryan Parker joint and the hastily made Cleveland tourism video (slight bit of profanity in there), 2009's been a rough year for the city of Cleveland on YouTube. Thank goodness the Cavaliers won the -- wait, what's that? Oh, um ... sorry.

Barring some unforeseen major physical setback, Brett Favre will be at training camp in Mankato when they open up the end of July, a source has told WCCO's Mark Rosen.

That source said that Favre and the Vikings have indeed come to a contractual agreement, with heavy incentives. The Vikings equipment manager has already ordered number 4 purple jerseys with his name on it.

Please note that "having signed a contract" and "having a contractual agreement in place" are not exactly the same thing. If it's the latter, Favre could -- and I know this sounds crazy -- still change his mind.

PFT says the Vikings and Favre are putting off the announcement until July 3rd, where, presumably, media people will be on vacation. The idea is to cut down on as much of the media circus as they can, but I don't know if that's the greatest plan, either. If anyone in the Vikings organization thinks John Clayton won't immediately throw down his hamburger, shove a child to the ground and sprint through a fireworks display in order to get close to Brett Favre, I believe they're mistaken.

If a media outpouring is really what they're worried about, you'd think they wouldn't drag it out another couple of weeks, deal with all the attention in the meantime, and then announce it. I'd think the best plan would be to get it over with. That's just me, though. I'm a "just rip the Band-Aid off" kind of a guy.

ABC's got this new show called "The Superstars" where a celebrity pairs up with an athlete in a series of athletic competitions. The winner gets ... I don't know, to be on television more, I guess. Last night was the first episode, and Terrell Owens and Joanna Krupa, probably the favorites, were the first couple eliminated.

From there, Joanna turned into Terrell Owens, and she turned Terrell Owens into Jeff Garcia.

Oh, that's fantastic. My favorite part is right at the end when she throws in a forceful little "Shut up." I think I've watched it about 843 times.

Did Owens deserve to be yelled at like a little boy? No, probably not; the poor guy's foot got caught in the net. Tough break. But Jeff Garcia and Donovan McNabb probably didn't deserve the treatment they got from Terrell Owens, either.

It happened, though. Miss Krupa is probably used to having everything in the world she wants, and probably has a pretty healthy ego of her own. That doesn't make her right, of course, except in the grander, karmic scheme of things.

Maybe, in the end, it'll be good for Owens to experience what it's like to be on the wrong end of a media tirade. Joanna Krupa may have just done Trent Edwards a huge favor.

Pretending to be former Arizona Cardinals and San Francisco 49ers quarterback Tim Rattay on Twitter, though ... that one, I can't explain. I know there are some lonely fellows out there, but how being a fake Tim Rattay would enhance anyone's life in any way, I just couldn't tell you.

Here are the last two tweets on the Twitter page of "Tim Rattay".

I'm not the real Tim Rattay. I'm sorry to those who I fooled. Tim is a great QB who has posted good numbers and he deserves a chance to make

it in the football world. I never thought the media would pick up my tweets like they did. I apologize to Tim, the UFL and the fans.

I just wonder if making that admission was a difficult, tearful moment for the fake Tim Rattay. The emotional roller-coaster ride finally came to an end. Saying goodbye to the lifestyle couldn't have been easy.

And something like this has to be really discouraging for the people at Twitter in charge of weeding out celebrity imposters. If people are going to pretend to be Tim Rattay, I'm just not sure that's a battle you can win. Who's next, the nerdy daughter from "Just the Ten of Us"? The woman who did the voice work for the bear in the Snuggle fabric softener commercials?

Best of luck to the real Tim Rattay, and to the fake Tim Rattay, too, as he tries to pick up the pieces of his broken life. I hope he can find the strength to refrain from setting up a Twitter account in the name of Moses Moreno.

Gracias, Niners Nation.

It seems like a game of "Madden" should've been the first video to christen the big screen, but "Gears of War 2" "Halo 3" will do.

The next must for the giant video screen? Porn. I'm guessing we won't get video of that when it happens, though.

You want to know why I want to comment on it? It's because I have a picture in my head of Dolphins linebacker Joey Porter, standing in front of the stereo in the Dolphins locker room, wearing a teal half-shirt and a jock strap, dancing his heart out to "Turn the Beat Around." And if a teammate tries to approach the stereo to turn of the Gloria Estefan, Joey punches them in the face, screams, "IT'S GLORIA TIME UP IN THE PIECE, SUCKA!" and goes right back into his aerobic, passionate, pulsating dance routine. All the while, Tony Sparano wants to address the team, but he knows that he has to wait until Joey Porter proclaims that Gloria Time is over. It could be hours.

So I wanted to share that with you. I don't know why.

Also, just to be thorough here: I have attended a Gloria Estefan concert. It was a long time ago, and I was very young. The most vivid memory I have from it is at the end, I wouldn't get up and dance because I didn't want to risk being uncool, even though the extended dance version of "Conga" was practically begging me to get up and pretend I was a Cuban dance floor legend. To this day, I deeply regret that I didn't.

Anyway, yeah, um ... Miami Dolphins. Football. Gloria Estefan. I'm pretty sure she supports the 3-4 defense. GRRR, football.

Kosar told radio station WKNR that he advised the Browns to rehire Bill Belichick way back in 1998, and that it didn't go over so well. From TheOBR.com:

“I went to Mr. (Al) Lerner and Carmen Policy in 1998 and told them when they were talking about who should be the head coach of the new franchise, that they should hire Belichick. They laughed at me. They ridiculed me,” Kosar said.

In defense of Lerner and Policy, most anyone else probably would have done the same. Belichick had previously coached the Browns from 1991 to 1995 and compiled a 36-44 record. He had one one winning season and one playoff appearance in five years.

It would be the next team to roll the dice on Belichick that would get the payoff. Kosar wanted it to be another 'go-round with the Browns in '98, but it ended up being the Patriots in 2000. You know the story. Four Super Bowl appearances, three Super Bowl wins, six playoff appearances, a 102-42 record.

Since then, the Browns have been through four head coaches: Chris Palmer, Butch Davis, Terry Robiskie (on an interim basis), and Romeo Crennel. That group produces exactly one playoff appearance; when Davis went 9-7 in 2002. Eric Mangini takes a stab at it this year.

In other Bernie Kosar news, he just filed for bankruptcy. He's owes the Browns $1.5 million, an ex-wife named Babette $3 million, and owes a bank $9 million for real estate deals that went belly-up.

So it's been a rough go for Bernie Kosar. My guess is that he liked 1989 way better than he's enjoying 2009. Best of luck to the guy.

I'm a Ryan Leaf fan (eventually I'll stick "former" in there, but I'm not ready yet), so my point of view is skewed, but ... $450 for an autographed Ryan Leaf jersey is on the expensive side, right?

Once Ryan Leaf writes on something, is it still worth the value of the fabric used in its construction? Is there anyone out there who would be happy if Ryan Leaf walked up to them and spontaneously wrote his name on their shirt? Is there anyone who would not turn to him and say, "Hey, what the hell, pal?"

Leaf recently turned himself in to Texas authorities to face charges of burglary and obtaining a controlled substance. To my knowledge, no inmates in Texas prisons have expressed an interest in getting Leaf to autograph their jumpsuits.

Gracias, Fark.

The rumor goes like this: Favre has already signed a contract with the Vikings, and he and the team are just waiting to announce it.

ProFootballTalk.com (surprise, surprise) is the source of the rumor, and their source is a military officer currently serving in Afghanistan. If that strikes you as odd, I promise you, you're not alone. PFT then took the info to another source, who would neither confirm or deny it.

So there it is, take it or leave it. For myself, I'm going to choose to leave it, as I don't know what the Vikings or Favre would gain by delaying a decision (other than some extended spotlight time for Favre, but even I don't want to be that cynical about him). It would seem to me that the best thing for both parties would be to wait until they're both certain, and when they are, just get the announcement over and done with as soon as possible.

And why would one of our nation's brave young men or women in Afghanistan have this news before, say, Peter King? Well, I have a theory about that, too. Hold on to your hats.

I think our military has a secret "Favre Squad" hunting down terrorists in Afghanistan, and as a modern warfare tactic, they constantly pelt them every day with news and rumors of Brett Favre's return to the NFL. It's a form of psychological torture designed to make terrorists give themselves up out of sheer, overwhelming annoyance. Ideally, we'd see terrorists waving white flags, throwing down their guns and turning themselves into U.S. forces while crying, "WHY? WHY? Why cannot this Favre man make up his mind? Does he know how annoying he is? Allah, PLEASE, make this man stop."

The league has a program in place that allows players to a call a car service in any major city that will pick them up if they've been drinking. It's a great idea, except for the fact that some players don't trust it. They believe too many phone calls to that service will lead to more hassles from franchises when contract negotiations begin.

Wow. It's quite a trusting and supportive relationship the league and the players have developed, isn't it? The NFL attempts to offer a service for the players, something that keeps them safe and out of trouble, and in return, the players say, "No thanks, you're probably just going to use it to ramrod me at contract time." And they're probably right.

I doubt that the distrust of this program would exist if some team hadn't actually used it against a player at some point. I have no trouble believing that happened, either. I can easily picture a GM at the negotiating table, looking at some piece of paper and saying, "So, I see you called the car service 23 times last year. I think that drops your value by about $500,000 a year, boozy."

The league has got to fix that. If the program isn't 100% anonymous (like steroid testing in baseball), then it's pointless, because players won't use it. If the league's keeping tabs of who uses it when, or drivers are snitching players out, the league's got to remedy that. Otherwise, the whole thing is as useful as Jeff Garcia when you need a 70-yard hail mary.

Teams themselves need to take a different attitude, too. If a guy calls the service 23 times a year, or even 80 times a year, that's a good thing. Maybe he's going out and getting hammered more than you'd like, but he's at least smart and responsible enough to keep himself from driving plastered. That puts him ahead of the curve. Don't underestimate the value of a high-functioning alcoholic.

As for the players, the league's flawed program doesn't exactly let them off the hook, either. There are still these things called "cabs." They pick you up, drive you wherever you want to go, and you give them money in return. The drivers won't snitch on you, either.

The rosters seem to be comprised mostly of veterans who couldn't find a home on a roster this year (Archuleta, Bollinger, Gary Stills, LaBrandon Toefield, Mike Doss, to name a few), and younger guys who maybe never got a fair chance. And, again, there are lots of guys I've never heard of. Maybe those are the future stars.

Also, the San Francisco squad drafted a guy named Odie, who maybe isn't the smartest player around, but always maintains a positive attitude and keeps coming back for more.

Keep in mind that just because these guys were drafted, it doesn't mean they'll be playing there. It's just that now Vegas has the rights to negotiate with Adam Archuleta, and no other UFL team can. I imagine at least a handful of these guys will say "No thanks, I'm still clinging to the NFL thing."

As for the rest of the UFL rosters, they'll get filled out when NFL teams have to start trimming their own squads down to 53. Hopefully, it'll serve as a nice little safety net for some guys, and hey, maybe it'll even entertain a few of us along the way.

Also on the plate for Succop is Irrelevant Week in Newport Beach, California, and that kicks off on Monday. The festival includes a golf tournament, a regatta, a few parties and a banquet/roast in Mr. Irrelevant's honor. Past roasters (correction) have included Bill Walsh, Jim Everett, Mickey Mantle and Merlin Olsen (no Jeff Ross?).

I wonder if Succop, the 256th pick in the draft, ever sends gloating e-mails to Dan Gronkowski, the 255th pick in the draft. "Ha ha! I guess you were just a little too impressive in your workouts, chump. Enjoy anonymity. I'll be at the regatta with Merlin Olsen."

After Irrelevant Week comes and goes, it's back to the grind for Succop. I don't know how much of that $1.2 million is guaranteed, and he still has to beat out Chiefs incumbent kicker Connor Barth if he wants a spot on the roster. There is work to be done. Life is not all regattas with Merlin Olsen, even if you are Mr. Irrelevant.

The Herald hears from "a source close to the new Mrs. Tom Brady" that Brady and Bunchen are expecting a child in December.

The Brazilian bombshell told a pal she got pregnant on their honeymoon. The magazine says that the newlyweds want to keep the baby secret but have told a few close friends and family. The bump watch is officially on!

Oh, I do love a good bump watch. Wheee!

Inside Track speculated on the same subject a couple of days ago when they spotted Bundchen wearing a baggy shirt, possibly in an attempt to conceal her and Tom's tiny little ball of genetic perfection.

Obviously, I'm giddy for these two crazy kids, but I do wonder about the timing. December, Tom? That's pushing awfully close to playoff time. I'd hate for your new little sack of joy to be a distraction.

You might have to drag the wife into Coach Belichick's office and have him lecture the bump on the importance of sacrificing for the greater good. No one wins a championship without sacrificing, and if that means that Tom Jr. has to spend an extra couple of months in the womb, then he's just going to have to take one for the team.

Free agents lost: TE Chris Baker, DB David Barrett, LB Eric Barton, LB David Bowens, CB Tyron Brackenridge, WR Laveranues Coles, QB Brett Favre, P Reggie Hodges, LB Brad Kassell, RB Marcus Mason, DL C.J. Mosley, K Mike Nugent, CB Hank Poteat, OT Stefan Rodgers, LB Cody Spencer

Free agents gained: DE Marques Douglas, DT Howard Green, DT Anthony Harris, LB Larry Izzo, DL Craig Kobel, OT Michael Kracalik, S Jim Leonhard, TE Martez Milner, LB Bart Scott, CB Lito Sheppard, CB Donald Strickland

Lost via trade: S Abram Elam, DE Kenyon Coleman, QB Brett Ratliff

Acquired via trade: CB Lito Sheppard

Drafted: QB Mark Sanchez, RB Shonn Greene, OG Matt Slauson

The quick and easy storyline with the Jets is, once again, the quarterback position, although we're now talking about a guy who's 17 years younger than the last guy. Draftee Mark Sanchez is the new camera-friendly lightning rod, while Brett Favre has taken his media circus elsewhere.

In reality, though, the 2009 Jets will be more about the running game and their defense. Let's face it, they've got a rookie battling Kellen Clemens for the starting quarterback spot, and the fact that it's a close race probably isn't a good sign. The receiving corps isn't anything to get too fired up about, either.

If the Jets are going to have any success throwing the ball, it's going to be because it's been set up by a running attack spearheaded by Thomas Jones and Leon Washington. Sanchez is pretty, and while you're not going to see Alan Faneca on the cover of GQ anytime soon, it's Faneca, the rest of the line, Jones and Washington that will be buttering the offensive bread of the Jets this year.

The defense has a lot of coming together to do, too. Rex Ryan has the Ravens' defensive pedigree, plus he's Buddy's kid, so you'd think he'd be able to build a pretty stout defense. There are question marks anytime a bunch of new faces have to gel, though, and that will definitely be the case here. With Bart Scott, Jim Leonhard, and Lito Sheppard, though, they're pretty good faces.

Progress: The Jets feel more like a 2010 contender than a 2009 contender. Whatever happens at quarterback, it seems a safe bet that the Jets will be in the bottom half of the league in production at that position. They need another receiver, too. Take 2009, develop a quarterback, build the foundation for a defense that should be great, and then we'll see what happens in 2010.

Minus 2 games. 9-7 last year, 7-9 this year.

I always wonder if that makes a guy like Losman happy or sad. Sad, I'd imagine, because he's no longer in the NFL, but happy because the UFL plays up the fact that he's a former first round pick, and no one in the NFL was ever going to think of him that way again.

Here's a snippet of the report from UFL Access, a UFL news site, which is kind of amazing in and of itself.

Now word has spread that J.P. Losman, formerly of the Buffalo Bills and the NFL 1st Round, is scheduled to sign with the Las Vegas team headed by Jim Fassel. The rumors began swirling this morning and UFLAccess.com tried to track down the facts. One well-placed source pointed out that roster spots have dried up on virtually every NFL depth chart at QB. The league declined comment with their spokesperson saying that “as of yet no ink has hit paper.”

Interesting. Five years into his career, and J.P. Losman can no longer find a spot on anybody's three-deep at quarterback. Maybe I'm wrong -- and believe me, I'm not telling you that J.P. Losman is a great quarterback -- but it seems to me that there are guys out there worse than J.P. Losman who have NFL jobs. I guess I can't name any of them off the top of my head, but Losman at least has some degree of youth to him. I'd think that added a little value.

The same article reports that Tim Rattay is on his way to the UFL, and that Ken Dorsey would love the opportunity. It also says of Michael Vick, "rumors have spread that [he] and his agent have papers in hand that if signed would start the Vick redemption tour in Orlando."

Gracias, Pro Football Talk.

They always find a way to say something negative no matter how focused i am, damn Solomon Wilcox, i want to fight him now, somebody set itup

Putting aside the irony of "I'm so focused that I'd like to fight an NFL Network personality" for a second, I'm sure Chad was kidding and doesn't really want to punch Solomon Wilcots in the face. Wilcots did his part, though, and responded like Don King was promoting the thing.

"Chad has dropped more balls than Jay-Z has dropped albums. But we certainly can get in the ring. I'm lovin' this. I'm lovin' it. ... You can get in a training ring for, what, two months, and now he think he's the heavyweight champ. Let's do it, brah! Let's do it. Ya better ask somebody, Chad."

So we've got all the pre-fight trash talk and bluster. But Wilcots also penned a long blog post detailing his criticisms of Ochocinco and explaining that he's really trying to help him. Lengthy and thoughtful blog posts are not something that usually precede a brawl.

I enjoy the trash talk. That's what June is for. I'd enjoy it a little more if there was any possibility of a fight happening, but that's OK. Pretend fighting is fun, too.

Terrell Owens has burned bridges with every quarterback he's ever played with, so why should real estate agents be any different? The ever-courteous T.O. blasted his former real estate agent, Maureen Flavin, on his Twitter account today after she publicly revealed that he had signed a rental contract on a 4,500 square foot home in Orchard Park, NY. 

W/THE RELEASE OF MY POTENTIAL RENTAL @ 34 WOODTHRUSH TR, I WILL NOT B RENTING DUE 2 THE UNPROFESSIONALISM OF MAUREEN FLAVIN!!

Except for use of all caps and abbreviating "be" with "b", Owens sort of makes sense here. He claims he requested confidentiality and the real estate agent broke that deal. T.O. is the last person who should be calling out somebody for self-promotion and unprofessionalism, but that doesn't mean he can't be right on something every now and again.

However, seeing as how T.O. invited reporters and photographers to a house-hunting event in May (above, that's Flavin on the right) and gleefully told people that his earlier efforts to rent one house were rebuffed because of potential "drama", he loses all right to be mad after the agent took it public. 

T.O. will doubtlessly find a new real estate agent now and think he's going to be happy with her forever. One day, he might hear a stranger criticizing his new realtor, which will cause Owens to start crying and say, "that's my teammate ... that's my real estate agent." Then, T.O. will think the agent is paying more attention to other customers (maybe Jason Witten gets traded to Buffalo or something) and he'll start complaining and blaming all his problems on Ed Werder before leaving to find another real estate agent. And the cycle will then start anew as it always does with the biggest diva in the NFL.

According to the St. Petersburg Times, Plaxico Burress has contacted a few Buccaneers players, including former Giants teammate Derrick Ward, and expressed a desire to play for the Bucs.

Plaxico's court case was adjourned earlier in the week, which, if no plea deal is reached in the meantime, might be enough time to squeeze in a football season before his trial would get underway. So Plaxico, if he's not suspended by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, could actually suit up and play in 2009, if anyone would have him.

It looks like he'd like that team to be the Buccaneers. My guess is, though, that he'll settle for any team that will have him, because playing football is fun, while sitting around and thinking about Riker's Island body cavity searches is not.

In other Plaxico news, former Giants teammate and current ESPN personality Tim Hasselbeck has some advice for teams thinking about hopping on the Plaxico wagon. From the New York Post:

"If you want to wait for a guy to show up to meetings, if you want to have to beg a guy to run full-speed in practice, if you want a guy that would disappear in games because he doesn't get the ball early -- then look, Plaxico Burress is your guy.

"But if you don't want those distractions, and you don't want to deal with the other headaches that come along with Plaxico Burress, then you better stay away from him."

Did you hear that, Riker's people? The guy's a pain. You better just let him play football.

Last month we wondered why the NFL was allowing teams to sign licensing deals with state lotteries despite its strong anti-gambling stance. After a recent article about the subject in The Wall Street Journal the answer becomes clearer. This isn't about ethics, it's about perception.

NFL spokesman Joe Browne told the newspaper:

"If sports betting becomes more prevalent through state-promoted schemes, it will inevitably lead those gambling fans to question whether an erroneous officiating call or a dropped pass late in the game resulted from an honest mistake or an intentional act by a corrupt player or referee."

Read between the lines and it becomes apparent that the NFL is worried people perceiving that the league is crooked, not because they're genuinely worried about that actually happening.

It makes sense when you consider that a situation like the one Browne described is pretty far-fetched. This isn't 1962. NFL players make more money than the supposed gamblers who would be rigging a game. The small likelihood of a player getting in debt to gamblers and then throwing a game isn't enough reason to come out against a practice that would generate more interest for the league. (And why that scenario is any more likely to occur with legalized gambling than it would be today is still a mystery. It's not legal to bet on NBA games, but Tim Donaghy still managed.)

The NFL is teflon anyway. We never hear about drug scandals like we do in baseball and the league isn't considered as "thuggish" as the NBA, despite arrest rates that are comparable. It's understandable that the league wants to protect its image, but the media already does a fine job of that as it is.

At the end of that excellent WSJ piece, Houston Texans owner Bob McNair is quoted as saying that he thinks that legalized gambling is coming and that the NFL's resistance is futile. I'm sure the league realizes this too. Maybe the reason they're coming out so hard against the practice is merely so people believe they are. After all, the NFL knows all about the power of perception.

Animal rights activists will be pleased to note the seats made of 100% blue ostrich leather imported from Australia, and toilets carved out of elephant tusk. For the rest of us, there are platinum hand rails, hot dog buns with sesame seeds, and in the bathroom, there's a man permanently stationed there who doesn't mind you bringing a camera in while he's peeing.

There's also a giant television to watch when you get tired of Martellus's highly offensive mock "Chinese" accent.

It all seems excessive, and I know $1.5 billion sounds like a lot to pay for a stadium, but just think: They only have to sell 107,142,858 dry aged beef sandwiches, and that puppy's paid for.

Gracias, Sporting Blog.

Yesterday, though, things jumped up a notch. All the sudden, Marshall's agent says the team has agreed to trade him, and Marshall's saying his goodbyes to the city of Denver on his website. Somewhere, Jay Cutler's watching this unfold and thinking, "I wish it was that easy when I did it."

Here's Marshall's farewell to the troops:

To whom it may concern. Life is filled with change, and where I am in my life now change is probably best. It’s hard leaving an organization ran by one of the best owners in all of sports, and someone who’s been there for me through my ups and downs. The hardest thing was hearing Mr. B wish me luck in the future, but we both came to the conclusion that this is probably the best thing for me to grow on and off the field.

I thank the Denver fans who embraced my emotion and play on the field and showing me love every time I step outside my door.

I should note, though, that head coach Josh McDaniels says he expects to see Marshall at training camp. So either someone's not telling the truth, or there's a bit of a disconnect between Broncos ownership and McDaniels. I would really hope, for the Broncos' sake, that the latter isn't true, given the magnitude of these decisions.

Anyway, it seems like Marshall is pretty close to gone, which I still think is a bad deal for the Broncos (here's some disagreement). With a guy like Marshall, whose on-field production is unmatched, but who also has shown an inability to co-exist with our nation's laws, you just can't get equal value for him in a trade. History has proven that dabbling in criminal behavior seriously lowers your trade value.

Look at it this way: If the Broncos pay Marshall and hang onto him, one of two things happens: He either stays healthy and out of handcuffs and is an extremely productive player, or he ends up suspended or in court again, in which case, the Broncos don't get the value they should.

If the Broncos trade Marshall, though, they also don't get the value they should. Period.

So the only possible way to maximize what you get from him is to roll the dice, keep him around, and hope you get the best out of him. In any other scenario, the Broncos lose.

Last night had to be rough for Chad Ochocinco. Usually, the flamboyant Cincinnati Bengals receiver is the center of attention, but on the premiere of "Joe Buck Live" Ochocinco was upstaged by not one, but two other guests. As a result, the one interesting nugget of information that Ochocinco dropped during his interview was forgotten in the uproar over the other two parts of the show.

Going into the evening, Ochocinco had to know that he was going to take a backseat to Brett Favre (whose monumental yawn-inducing appearance was chronicled by MJD earlier today). But Artie Lange stealing the show with his venomous outburst toward Joe Buck completely overshadowed Ochocinco's appearance as well, so much so that I had forgotten that the wideout had even appeared until I was reminded today by an item on the wire.

(For what it's worth, I agree with Tommy Craggs at Deadspin when he says that Lange did what Joe Buck needed: created buzz for a pretty awful show. But, I also think Buck isn't getting enough credit for the way he handled it. His line about Lange's four chins was far funnier that anything the Howard Stern sidekick said. I still think Buck is a smarmy know-it-all, by the way.)

During his time on stage with Michael Irvin, Ochocinco said that he was planning on moving in with Carson Palmer's family in July. Yes, Ochocinco is going to live with the Palmers so he and his quarterback can get on the same page.

On any other night that might have been the story the next morning. But between Favre and Lange, Ochocinco news barely made a ripple.

I, for one, want to see a reality show based on the stay. It'd be like "Perfect Strangers" only with more grills and incorrect Spanish. And if things were to ever get boring, I'm sure Artie Lange makes housecalls.

I keep going back and forth, changing my mind based on the latest consideration I make in the case. Here are a few of the key points:

1) There's a good chance that Stallworth will serve less jail time than Michael Vick, Plaxico Burress, Marion Jones, Pete Rose and Jamal Lewis. Not to minimize the crimes of the people on that list, but none of them killed a human being. Stallworth's crime was an accident, but an accident that was set in motion by an illegal action.

2) Stallworth may have blown a .13, but the victim was crossing the street illegally at night. Maybe a sober Stallworth would have still hit the victim, Mario Reyes. Or maybe his intoxication contributed to the accident. You can't prove it either way, except to say that .13 is above the legal limit. The saying "it could happen to anyone" doesn't apply here though because it presupposes that "anyone" would get behind the wheel while drunk.

3) There was a confidential financial settlement. I'm not going to whine here about legal advantages of the rich and famous, but if Stallworth would have received more time in jail had he not been able to pay a large sum to the family, that seems like an egregious miscarriage of criminal justice.

4) Stallworth's lawyer should have quit while he was ahead. Here's an excerpt from the AP article about the deal:

Stallworth's attorney, Christopher Lyons, said the financial settlement was only one factor in the plea agreement. He noted that Stallworth stopped immediately after the accident, called 911 and submitted to roadside alcohol testing despite spending most of the night drinking at a swanky Miami Beach hotel.

"He acted like a man," Lyons said. "He remained at the scene. He cooperated fully."

We should give Stallworth a merit badge for taking sobriety tests even though he was drunk? And he's a man because he didn't flee the scene? I'd say these facts make Stallworth not an idiot, but I don't think they make him a man.

5) A father died. Reyes had a 15-year-old daughter and left behind a family.

I'm still conflicted. While I think the Michael Vick sentence was preposterously harsh, I wouldn't be surprised if it made people think twice about dogfighting. Unfortunately, Donte' Stallworth's 30 days in jail isn't likely to make anybody call a cab instead of getting behind the wheel of their car after a few drinks. And that's why, ultimately, I think Stallworth got off too easy. 

"I had just had brunch with a friend when it happened. My first reaction when I saw the dog chasing me was to outrun it, which isn't normally likely for someone, but my adrenaline was pumping at such a high level that I believe I would have left that monster in the dust.

" I saw that I was right by that 12-foot fence and when I jumped on and was hanging on for what seemed like my life I couldn't believe how high I was. I just held on for a little and while that was very scary, the height was almost more shocking than the fact I was attacked by a crazy pit bull!"

Well, that's one way to keep in offseason shape. I don't know how he did it, but getting to a height where a pit bull couldn't reach him is every bit the accomplishment of outrunning the thing. I've seen some pit bulls with some insane head-bouncing-off-the-ceiling verticals.

No one was hurt, fortunately. In fact, Keller was in good enough spirits to end his Tweeting on the subject with an "LOL." It always makes me feel good inside to see 6-foot-2, 250-pound NFL tight ends using the "LOL."

Gracias, Pro Football Talk.

As promised, Brett Favre was the first guest on "Joe Buck Live" last night (though it's kind of hard to recall anything anyone said before Artie Lange lit the show on fire in the last segment), and Buck asked Favre most everything you'd have wanted him to ask. I'll try to hit the factual highlights for you, and then talk about how I interpreted things:

• When asked if he intended to play in '09, Favre replied, "Maybe."

• He confirmed that he did have surgery two-and-a-half weeks ago, and the doctor told him it would be four or five weeks before he knew if the surgery would be successful.

• He said the arm was to blame for his poor throws late in the season last year.

• He has talked to Brad Childress, but said it never went past "'Are you interested?' And vice versa."

• Childress never set any deadline for Favre to make a decision.

• Childress did want Favre to show up for the most recent set of OTAs, but Favre declined.

Now, here are a couple of other notes that might be me reading too much into things, or they might be nothing:

• Although he'd only commit to the original "maybe," Favre talked a lot about reasons why he would like to play for the Vikings (Adrian Peterson, how well he knows the offense) and didn't talk at all about reasons he might not want to play for the Vikings.

• At one point, as he was finishing a thought about the talent on the Vikings roster, he said, "We should be pretty good."

Again, the word he used was "we," as opposed to "they," and it wasn't the royal "we" that one might associate with former Deadspin editor Will Leitch.

Innocent slip on the part of Favre? Maybe. But that, along with the rest of the conversation and the amount of thought he's clearly put into it, really makes it seem like Brett Favre -- with the one caveat of arm health -- is already thinking of himself as a Viking.

The arm is the only obstacle here. The Vikings want it, it really seems like Favre wants it, and if Dr. James Andrews did what he was supposed to do, you can go ahead and start ordering your purple Favre jerseys.

• Ben Roethlisberger went out to Bethpage Black, site of this year's U.S. Open, and shot a freakin' 81. I don't know if the course was set up to U.S. Open difficulty, but regardless, that's pretty damn good. If the course plays anything like it did the last time the Open was at Bethpage, there will be pros who have rounds worse than 81.

• Matt Millen got the NFL Network's Thursday night gig, alongside play-by-play guy Bob Papa. Millen's in a really tough spot. He's going to have to be really, really good for a really, really long time before anyone's willing to take him seriously again.

• If you missed it, Vince Young opened up over the weekend about his rough times with the Titans. Yes, he did think seriously about quitting football. No, he says, he was never going to kill himself.

• Michael Irvin chimed in on the Brett Favre situation over the weekend. I really, really like Michael Irvin.

• The 2010 NFL Draft will be not in April, but early May next year. That's just more time for you to shine, Mel Kiper.

• Dolphins quarterback Pat White, after being the most accurate passer at the NFL Combine, continues to struggle in practices with the Dolphins. Most recently, he pegged Bill Parcells's golf cart. He didn't mean to.

• The Ravens believe they have another undrafted free agent gem: Kevin Joseph Gerard, a defensive back out of Northern Arizona.

• Here's a list of the ten best quarterbacks who are not currently in the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

• The Dolphins are another team -- the Bills were mentioned earlier -- using martial arts training to improve themselves.

• Donald Driver is a choker. At softball.

You wouldn't think Marshall was a guy with a lot of leverage. And he might not be, if he played for any team but the Denver Broncos.

They're in worse shape than Marshall. It's June, and they just named Kyle Orton their starting quarterback. No disrespect intended to Orton, but if he's going to be your quarterback, you'd at least hope that it was a last-minute decision made out of desperation two or three hours before kickoff of the first regular season game. When the calendar says June, and Kyle Orton is already far and away your best hope, that's not good.

It only gets worse for the Broncos if Marshall walks out the door. He met with Broncos owner Pat Bolen on Friday, missed all the weekend's mandatory workouts, and left with all his stuff packed in boxes. That doesn't sound like a guy who plans to be back anytime soon.

If you put Marshall's off-the-field stuff to the side for a moment, he can make a damn compelling case for a raise. He caught 102 balls in 2007 for over 1,300 yards, and he caught 104 balls last year for over 1,250 yards. He's scheduled to make just over $2 million this season.

By NFL standards, that is criminal underpayment. Wide receivers who made in the $2 million range last year include Dante Hall, Dennis Northcutt, Bobby Wade, and Ronald Curry  If someone hosted a Brandon Marshall telethon, I'd be tempted to call and donate.

The Broncos also took his favorite toy, Jay Cutler, away from him, so you'd think they might want to throw him a bone and keep him happy.

I don't know what the Broncos intend to do, other than fine Marshall as much as they can for missing mandatory workouts. It's too early in the proceedings to talk about trading him, but you look at what Denver's already done in the offseason, and it doesn't seem out of the question. The organization seems hellbent on getting into a rebuilding mode.

My advice to the Broncos would be to pay the man, pay him quickly, and pay him well. He's as talented a receiver as exists in the NFL. He's young. He is the one proven offensive weapon on the roster. Kyle Orton needs him. Getting Marshall happy and onto the field might be the last chance the organization has to say to the other players, "Yes, we have some intention of winning in 2009." 

If not, the message they send -- and have been sending all offseason long -- is, "Guys, thanks for being here. We hope to make the playoffs in, oh, I don't know ... 2011 or so. You'll probably be gone by then. Help yourself to a complimentary refrigerator magnet schedule."

For some reason, Rock and Schwartz were hanging out before the big NASCAR race in Michigan this weekend. They are apparently fans of one another. From Mike Pryson of the Jackson Citizen Patriot:

New Detroit Lions football coach Jim Schwartz was asked Sunday before the LifeLock 400 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series race at Michigan International Speedway in Brooklyn if he had a favorite Kid Rock song.

With the artist sitting next to him and the pressure on, the coach didn't fumble.

"'Cocky,' " Schwartz said without hesitation.

Then he went the extra mile.

"It ain't bragging if you can back it up," Schwartz said.

Kid Rock was impressed.

"He even knows the lyrics," Kid Rock said. "Best coach we've ever had in Detroit."

Poor Scotty Bowman, Chuck Daly, and Sparky Anderson. If only they had bothered to learn the lyrics to "Bawitdaba," they could've been contenders for the title of the best coach in Detroit history.

It's nice for Schwartz that he has Kid Rock on his side, though. Say what you want about Rock, but he's no fake sports fan. He's at Wings games, Pistons games, Tigers games, etc., and not just in the playoffs, either. He's a fixture. He's as real as celebrity sports fans get.

If Schwartz can make the rest of Detroit as happy as he's made Kid Rock, he'll be in good shape. I think four wins would do the trick.

Favre will appear on the first ever episode of Joe Buck Live, tonight at 9 o'clock on HBO. That's the plan, anyway. From the sounds of things, Joe might just have a disgusting act in his pants.

Presumably, Buck will ask Favre if he intends on playing for the Vikings this year, and Favre will either say, "Yes, if my arm is healthy," or he'll lie and say, "Oh, Joe, I don't know," and then make some quip about mowing his lawn or something. Then maybe they'll cook omelets with Bobby Flay.

Actually, to tell you the truth, I probably would have watched Joe Buck anyway. I'm curious to see what he'll be like in a less-rigid setting, and I have to admit to being entertained by his Holiday Inn commercials. And since it's HBO, maybe we'll get to hear him say the f-word. I've always wondered what that might be like.

So that's what I have planned for my evening. Me, Joe Buck, and some, "Hey, I'm still a good guy, right?" quotes from Brett Favre. Now that I think about it, it's a pretty shrewd move by Joe Buck, too. Having Brett Favre on as his first guest will not only get headlines, but it also ensures that Buck will be the most likable guy in the studio. Win-win.

Barret Robbins, the troubled Oakland Raiders All-Pro center who went missing on the eve of Super Bowl XXXVII, says his absence is the reason his team lost that game by 27 points to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

In an interview with Houston's FOX 26, Robbins said:

"I felt that if I had played that game, we had a lot better chance to win. I felt we would have been able to win that game."

I'm not so sure about that one, Barret.

It's true that the Bucs front four absolutely decimated Oakland's offensive line in that Super Bowl, but their attack came from all angles, not just up the middle. Monte Kiffin sent linebackers and corners (in addition to Simeon Rice, Warren Sapp and the rest of the Bucs defensive line) at Rich Gannon to disrupt his rhythm. It worked, as the NFL MVP threw five interceptions, including three that were returned for touchdowns.

Robbins was good, but he wasn't good enough to play all five line positions at once. Still, for the sake of argument, let's say that if he had played he would have prevented two sacks and one interceptions (a huge leap to make, by the way). That would have made a dent in the 34-3 lead Tampa took in that game, but not much of one. No offensive lineman alive would have been enough to prevent that. 

We wish Barret Robbins the best of luck as he attempts to straighten out his life after the myriad problems he has had. That doesn't mean we need to rewrite the history books though. 

• Today, the NFL says goodbye to Trent Green, who hangs it up after starting just one game for the Rams last year. He had a fine career, but sadly, I'll probably remember him best as 1) a concussion collector, and 2) the guy who got hurt so Kurt Warner got a chance in the NFL. Sorry, Trent, I know that's not fair, but that's the way it goes. I've also gotta admit to being happy to see him go. The last thing I wanted in 2009 was to see Trent Green wheeled out on a stretcher again.

• Congratulations go out to Troy Aikman, who will be receiving his degree in sociology from UCLA this weekend.

• Michael Vick, as I'm sure you've heard, has been officially released by the Falcons. Pro Football Talk reports that the Falcons will have to eat $7.11 million in dead cap space because of it.

• Continuing with the "We don't want good players anymore" theme of their offseason, it looks like the Broncos can expect a holdout from wide receiver Brandon Marshall.

• Cincy Jungle tries to figure out if they love or hate Chad Ochocinco.

• Eric Mangini made the Browns practice in the rain, and this, for some reason, made headlines. Honestly, I'd have expected that most coaches would have an attitude like, "Rain? Who gives a damn, let's practice!" Maybe I'm wrong about that.

• Donovan McNabb did indeed get that raise he was expecting. Good for him.

• Detroit Lions center Dominic Raiola seems pretty excited about the play of Matthew Stafford, saying that he's "totally different than our past first-round quarterbacks that we've drafted." Well, I should hope so.

• Michael Hiestand at USA Today writes about Jay Glazer's love of MMA. One gets the feeling that it's not going to be long before Glazer's out of the NFL completely and totally decidated to MMA.

Singletary also said he almost made first-round draft pick Michael Crabtree cry. Singletary found him running routes during the first minicamp and admonished him for running before he was cleared by the medical staff. Crabtree is recovering from off-season foot surgery.

Singletary recounted the conversation he had with his prized rookie.

"'I've got nothing against you. I'm not angry or anything. I just want you to know, you have to do everything the doctors want you to do so that you can get better.' I said, 'I'm not worried about what you can do.' I said, 'I know. We drafted you at No. 10. We know what you can do. We just want to make sure that when you come out here, you're ready to go.' So, he's done the things that he needs to do, spending a lot of time with (receivers coach Jerry] Sullivan. I know Jerry is excited about what he's seeing as well."

I'm having a hard time seeing exactly what it was that made Crabs cry. Perhaps Coach Singletary's leaving out some of the story or misrepresenting how he actually said these things to Crabtree. Maybe he screamed at him like a little boy. Or maybe it was a tender "Coach really cares about me getting healthy!" Taster's Choice type of moment that got Crabtree. Or maybe Coach Singletary threatened to drop trou and show Crabtree Little Coach Singletary if Crabs didn't sit down and do what the doctors said.

I couldn't tell you. Evidently, though, it doesn't take much to make Michael Crabtree cry. There's no shame in being a sensitive guy, of course (though I'd understand if Crabtree wasn't thrilled about this story making it to the newspaper). I'd love it if the NFL had a guy who cried tears of joy every time he scored a touchdown.

Gracias, The Scores Report.

Dukes is of the opinion that Brett Favre has been made a victim through his retirement, his unretirement, interception-fest with the Jets, retirement, and then likely unretirement again. Dukes is a former player, and I think a player is more likely to take Brett Favre's side than a regular joe, and that's completely understandable. I strongly disagree, though, and I'd like to go through Dukes' latest blog post line-by-line to demonstrate how.

Brett Favre would still be a Packer if the front office didn’t push him out the door.

I guess that could be true, depending on how you look at his departure from Green Bay. I wouldn't characterize it as "pushing [Favre] out the door," but we'll get to that in a second.

Did Packers general manager Ted Thompson force Favre to retire? No. But he made it clear enough to Favre that he wanted to get his guy, Aaron Rodgers, who had waited three seasons for the job since he was a first-round pick in 2005, into the lineup.

Did he? Or did Thompson get tired of waiting for Favre to make up his mind every off-season, because if he was going to have to put Aaron Rodgers in the line-up, he had to know as soon as possible so they could rebuild the offense to suit him?

Or did Favre retire, essentially tell the Packers to move on without him, and then change his mind, and expect the Packers to undo everything they did and cater to his every whim?

I don't think the Packers got tired of having Brett Favre as their quarterback, I think they got tired of waiting and waiting and waiting for Favre to make up his mind so they could see who their quarterback was going to be every year.

So what was Favre to do? The fire was still in his belly, but the clock was working against him.

If the fire was in his belly, I wish he would have just let someone know, instead of saying for months on end, "You know, I can't really tell if this belly-fire is completely extinguished or not. I'll let you know when I know, which might be tomorrow, or it might be in the middle of training camp."

If Favre is guilty of anything, it’s having pride.

Or of being unable to make a decision.

His pride told him that he didn’t want to stay where he wasn’t wanted. It was 49ers coach Mike Singletary who said it best a few weeks ago: “Players want to feel wanted.” Favre felt Thompson wanted him gone.

Even if Thompson was absolutely hell-bent on getting Favre out of Green Bay (which I don't think he was), would that really be so terrible? Would Brett Favre be the first player in the history of the NFL to feel the sting of a team not wanting him anymore? He's a victim because he's gone through something that thousands and thousands of other players have gone through before him?

I don’t understand why it’s a big deal that Favre wants to play football again.

It's not a big deal that Favre wants to play football again. What is a big deal, though, is that he can't make up his mind this year, couldn't make it up last year, and even struggled the few years before that. If you were a general manager, would you appreciate having that uncertainty at your quarterback position every offseason until Favre felt like making a decision?

If you were the Jets, would you appreciate Favre saying that he wanted his release so he could retire a Packer, only for it to become obvious weeks later that he really just wanted to be a Viking?

He should be allowed to play as long as someone is willing to sign him.

He is. He just happens to be doing it very childishly and very annoyingly.

The way I see it, Favre has done nothing wrong.

Wanting to play another year in Minnesota, just so he can "stick it" to the Packers ... you're okay with that? You think that's a good reason to play football? You think the Minnesota Vikings should turn themselves into a vehicle for Brett Favre's childish revenge?

He still has it. Look at last season — he played fantastic until he hurt his arm late in the season.

That part still counts, though, right? The part where he cost the Jets a spot in the playoffs? The Jets don't still get playoff money just because Brett Favre was good before then, do they?

Look, I understand if you don’t want Favre on your team, but it’s hypocritical to say he should stop playing because you think it’s time for him to stop.

Again, I'm not saying he should stop playing. It's not for me to tell anyone else, in any profession, when they should retire. I don't do that. It would be nice, though, if Brett Favre could act like an adult, make a decision, and stick with it.

What if I were to tell you that you have worked at your job long enough and it’s my opinion that you should look for something else to do?

It would be a completely different situation than what we're talking about here. No one's mad at Brett Favre because they think he should retire. People are mad at Brett Favre because he's acting like a real child about it.

You would tell me where to go.

Probably.

Favre is entitled to the same liberties as anyone else.

True. Everyone's got the right to be an ass.

While grocery shopping for my weekly staples yesterday (Tom Collins mix and Cool Ranch Doritos), I sauntered past the periodicals section and saw them, casting a heavenly glow upon aisle 10:

I thought I heard an angelic chorus serenading me, but it turns out it was just 'You Can't Always Get What You Want' playing on the loudspeaker.

Yet as wonderful as this moment was, there was some hesitance as I reached for one of the copies. We're not even halfway through June and there were seven NFL mags on display. Seven! And this was at the supermarket! Shoot, Barnes and Noble probably has an entire wing dedicated to the season and fantasy previews.

It seemed a bit early to me. We haven't even hit summer yet and we're talking about the NFL season? I write about the NFL every day and even I found this strange. It's sort of like putting up Christmas decorations before Halloween. Had it always been this way? 

If so, the earlier these mags come out, the more likely they are to be out of date in August. My assumption was that the magazines that I thumbed through today would be the ones I'd be looking at in two months as I prepare to once again take Reggie Bush way too early in my fantasy league.

Curious about these things, I got in contact with Keith Schleiden, editor-in-chief of Pro Football Weekly. He and his company put out the excellent magazine preview that appears on the right side of the picture above. (Full disclosure: Yahoo! Sports is a co-producer of the magazine and has a business relationship with PFW, as you could probably tell by that cover.) 

Schleiden responds:

"I know it seems as though these mags hit newsstands earlier and earlier every year - it sure feels like our deadlines get moved up - but the fact is our on-sale dates have remained pretty static the past several years ... This year, our on-sale date was June 2.

The big change actually happened in 2004 ... the on-sale date [then] was June 1, a month earlier than the previous year's edition, which had an on-sale date of July 1 in '03.

The reason we moved it up in 2004 was we had evidence that people wanted to begin their preparations for the upcoming season earlier. The public's appetite for these preview magazines is amazing.

One of the best things about our product, though, is we release an updated version of the NFL preview magazine. We look at literally every page of the first run of the mag, and make updates about six weeks after we first went to press. Late player signings get added in, new injuries are noted, updated fantasy rankings, new features - the second run of the magazine, which goes on sale in late July, sets us apart from our competitors."

Basically, NFL fans can't get enough football. It's why SportsCenter leads with NFL stories during May and why magazines come out 100 days before the season starts. (Shoot, there are barely 100 days in between the end of one NHL season and the start of another.) Just another sign that, in America, football is king.