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Ball Don't Lie

Thu Aug 07, 2008 10:40 am EDT

All-NBA Olympics: Ballers who would medal in track and field

By J.E. Skeets

Over the next two days, Ball Don't Lie — with help from The Blowtorch — will attempt to answer one of life's (and Dime's) greatest questions: If the Beijing Olympics were just for NBA players, who would win gold? First up: track and field.


100m Dash
Gold: TJ Ford — This would be one hell of a race with Barbosa, Parker, Monta, etc., but Ford is so fast the sound barrier cracks a little bit just thinking about him. He's so fast, Vin Diesel made a movie about him. He's so fast, Vin Diesel made ANOTHER movie about him. At one time voted the NBA's fastest player, Ford occasionally outruns his dribble. Of course, he's even faster without the ball. Barring Al Horford defending the finish line, TJ takes the 100m gold back to Cana— err, Indiana.
Silver: Leandro Barbosa | Bronze: Tony Parker

4 x 100m Relay (NBA teams)
Gold: The Warriors (Ellis, Azubuike, A. Randolph, Maggette) — We may not know how this hodgepodge Golden State squad will turn out on the basketball court, but you can guarantee they'd do real damage out on the track. Ellis' explosiveness out of the blocks, 'Buike and Randolph's long strides, and Maggette's big kick at the end makes for a dangerous foursome. Hopefully, Coach Nelson doesn't show the same disdain for practicing baton exchanges as he does practicing defense.
Silver: The Grizzlies (Mayo, Gay, Lowry, Conley) | Bronze: The Suns (Barbosa, Strawberry, Bell, Nash)

Marathon (26 miles)
Gold: Allen Iverson — Iverson (or as some mothers call him, Iver Anderson) is one of those insane athletes that would be good at any sport he tried. He's like that one kid in high school who is an All-State sprinter, the leading basketball scorer and star quarterback. And though A.I. may have lost a half step or two, he still led the league in minutes played this past season while still doing his superball routine. He's fast and he never tires.
Silver: Andre Iguodala | Bronze: Richard Jefferson

Later today: Ballers who would medal in gymnastics. (Seriously.)

Related: All-NBA Olympics

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70 Comments

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  1. Jaywill8
    1. Posted by Jaywill8 Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:29 pm EDT

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    LOL Iver Anderson
  2. J.E. Skeets
    2. Posted by J.E. Skeets Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:33 pm EDT

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    There are going to be A LOT of these, but one glaring oversight: Rip Hamilton, marathon.
  3. Trey
    3. Posted by Trey Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:59 pm EDT

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    My dad and I just had a conversation kind of like this yesterday. I was trying to convince him that Michael Phelps possible 8 medals is one of the top stories to watch. He, however, was unimpressed because he feels that if many NBA or NFL athletes had decided to swim instead of ball then there wouldn't be any contest at all. He also was unimpressed with the fact that Water Polo players tread water for about half an hour, which I think is incredible.
  4. Trey
    4. Posted by Trey Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:59 pm EDT

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    Are you going to speculate which NBA players would medal in Women's basketball too?
  5. mark i
    5. Posted by mark i Thu Sep 03, 2009 8:08 pm EDT

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    In all seriousity...what does any of this have to do with Brett Favre?
  6. hans k
    6. Posted by hans k Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:16 pm EDT

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    100 meters sprint should be Eddy Curry. That will be fun to watch!
  7. IAmMigel
    7. Posted by IAmMigel Thu Sep 03, 2009 8:59 pm EDT

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    I have to second Skeets here, Rip would take the marathon. I think I read somewhere he basically runs sub-5 minute miles and the guy runs every second he's in the game on offense.
  8. Jaceman
    8. Posted by Jaceman Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:40 pm EDT

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    You should've done some of the other events like high jump!
    You get like Josh Smith and people like that up there.
  9. chacharles
    9. Posted by chacharles Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:21 pm EDT

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    we're talking about practice?
  10. rap34fan
    10. Posted by rap34fan Thu Sep 03, 2009 8:29 pm EDT

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    TRACK & FIELD: Teams that didn't qualify- New York Knicks, San Antonio Spurs (minus Tony Parker)
  11. TCO
    11. Posted by TCO Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:48 pm EDT

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    Kobe Bryant in marathon should be a consideration as well.
  12. J.E. Skeets
    12. Posted by J.E. Skeets Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:33 pm EDT

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    Jaceman: The "field" portion of track and field is on its way tomorrow. We're rolling out, like, 30 events.
  13. Trey
    13. Posted by Trey Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:59 pm EDT

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    Kevin Love should win shot put, but only if he gets to make a chest pass.
  14. mcwelk
    14. Posted by mcwelk Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:14 pm EDT

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    Rip Hamilton: Maskathon
  15. maddunkartist
    15. Posted by maddunkartist Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:02 pm EDT

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    I'm not so sure TJ Ford is the fastest man in the NBA. My vote is for Monta Ellis. Monta blows by his defenders on a regular basis for easy lay-ups. That's why his field goal percentage is so high. And how can you talk about fast without mentioning Iverson?
  16. thelegendarygregostertag
    16. Posted by thelegendarygregostertag Thu Sep 03, 2009 10:04 pm EDT

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    one up and comer who could contend in the dash - aaron brooks. i watched him play against the blazers this year, and he kept doing these back cuts along the baseline that were superhuman.
  17. josh
    17. Posted by josh Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:41 pm EDT

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    Skeets: I read the sentence ("He's fast and he never tires.") referring to A.I., as "He's fast and he never tries." Freudian slip? Word assocation? My mental instability? You decide...either way, it's a shame I still subconsciously judge Allen Iverson's work ethic based on his "PRACTICE?!" rant.
  18. Ty
    18. Posted by Ty Thu Sep 03, 2009 10:26 pm EDT

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    Some suggestions:
    Judo/Taekwondo = Bruce Bowen (See: Wally Szczerbiak)
    Handball = Reggie Evans
  19. SteadyBaller
    19. Posted by SteadyBaller Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:21 pm EDT

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    How about weight-lifting and wrestling?
  20. dev-m
    20. Posted by dev-m Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:42 pm EDT

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    Allen Iverson and Rip Hamilton would be sick in the Marathon.....rip would probably win, but I remember there was a story about AI and how he broke 5 minutes in the mile during an after practice punishment run or something, without practice, which is pretty crazy
    And yea, Monta would kill in the 100m
  21. beachboy1988
    21. Posted by beachboy1988 Thu Sep 03, 2009 8:08 pm EDT

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    richard hamilton for marathon? he outruns every player, and, he was a track star in high school winning the mile race every time.
  22. Funny Guy
    22. Posted by Funny Guy Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:49 pm EDT

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    Devin Harris!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  23. wkbobcat2011
    23. Posted by wkbobcat2011 Thu Sep 03, 2009 10:48 pm EDT

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    i'd take lbj to win every event.
  24. hcdouglass
    24. Posted by hcdouglass Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:17 pm EDT

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    Kobe Bryant would definately win the speed WALKING events.
  25. Kyle J
    25. Posted by Kyle J Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:28 pm EDT

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    Jermaine O'Neal for boxing. He threw that straight right on the court that intimidated me. I don't know about Curry in the 100, is sumo wrestling an Olympic Sport?

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