With a goal and an assist in the final six minutes of Spain's 4-0 win against Italy in the Euro 2012 final, Fernando Torres won himself the tournament's Golden Boot and probably made more than a few people choke on their own tongues. Though Torres only started two of six matches for Spain, it was that fact that actually won him the award. His three goals and one assist put him even with Germany's Mario Gomez, but Torres won on the next tie breaker, which is fewer minutes played (Gomez played 281 minutes, Torres 189).
So to cap off a season that included "the worst moments of my career," according to Torres himself, he wins a Golden Boot and a third straight major title with Spain just two months after he won the Champions League and FA Cup with Chelsea. If the Ballon d'Or were solely based on winning trophies and confusing one's detractors to the point of inducing seizures in a given year and not so much about silly things like consistent individual production, Fernando Torres would have that sucker wrapped up right now.