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Dirty Tackle

If it continued… (Barca v Real Madrid, Supercopa)

Dirty Tackle

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The two legs of the Supercopa combined for the usual volcanic mix of violence, childishness and entertaining football that usually comes from Real Madrid and Barcelona sharing the pitch. Though Barca came up with a late winner to lift yet another trophy, the brawl that followed made for a less than desirable ending to two great games. So, we are left to ask that question we keep coming back to: "What if it continued?"

97' — After getting great satisfaction from tweaking the face of Barca assistant Tito Vilanova, Jose Mourinho decides more faces must be tweaked. He targets Gerard Pique next, but Pique starts bleeding before Mourinho even touches him.

101' — Cristiano Ronaldo discovers that he can make his collar stands erect just by thinking about himself.

108' — Wanting to prove that he really does have Barca DNA, Cesc Fabregas spontaneously shouts, "Football is winning!" at Iker Casillas. He then drops to the ground, clutching his face. Because Marcelo came back onto the pitch and kicked him there.

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112' — Everyone continues to act like fans yelling racial slurs at players isn't all that bad.

115' — Lionel Messi scores three goals while no one is paying attention. He giggles.

120' — Fabio Coentrao sits in the corner, rocking back and forth and wishing he was back in Portugal.

126' — Mesut Ozil gets his revenge for David Villa's earlier slap in the face by shooting his eyes out of his head at Villa — an experience that will haunt Villa for the rest of his life.

131' — Having gone several minutes without kicking anyone, Pepe accidentally kicks Riccardo Carvalho instead of Xavi, who screams, "Cesc is suffering!" for no reason whatsoever. Both teams converge and brawl once again.

132' — Kaka stands on the opposite end of the pitch, humming gospel songs to himself.

133' — Arsene Wenger sneaks into the middle of it all and attempts to drag Cesc back to London by his feet. Cesc tearfully calls him his "second father," then elbows him in the head and runs away.

135' — Jose Mourinho laughs as he successfully tweaks the face of every Barca staffer. Except one…

140' — Jose Mourinho tells Pep Guardiola that his face is about to get tweaked the hardest. Guardiola puts on his stylish fighting vest. The two are about to fight each other to the death, once and for all, when — all of the sudden — they both realize that this is just a stupid preseason cup and that it would be much more satisfying to save the savage, cold-blooded murders for the 187 times they play each other once the season actually starts. They then casually poke each other in the eye and walk away.

To be continued…

Photo: Getty

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