Artur Boruc’s Friday Rage List

AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:

1. MY HAIR -- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I TENSED ALL OF MY MUSCLES AT THE SAME TIME AND SHOT EVERY HAIR ON MY HEAD INTO THE SUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DEAL WITH THAT ALIENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. SEVILLA FANS' TENNIS BALL PROTEST -- PROTESTING A DELAYED KICKOFF BY DELAYING THE MATCH WITH TENNIS BALLS IS STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF YOU REALLY WANTED TO MAKE A POINT YOU HAVE EVERYONE IN THE STADIUM BREAK WIND AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT PROBABLY WOULDN'T ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING BUT I'VE DREAMED OF THAT HAPPENING SINCE I WAS A MUTE CHILD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3. GENOA ULTRAS DEMANDING THE PLAYERS HAND OVER THEIR SHIRTS DURING A MATCH -- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS MADE ME SO ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOTE TO THE ULTRAS: IF YOU EVER TRY TO DO THIS TO MY TEAM I WILL EAT YOUR FLARES CONFISCATE ALL OF YOUR UGLY SHIRTS AND DONATE THEM TO A RESPECTABLE CHARITY ORGANIZATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WILL THEN PUNCH YOU ALL IN THE NECK WITH MY NECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THOSE ARE CONSEQUENCES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. CORN -- I HEARD SOMEONE TALKING ABOUT ACTOR CORBIN BERNSEN BUT I THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING TO SAY CORN SO I SCREAMED LOUD ENOUGH TO SET OFF THE FIRE ALARM IN DAYCARE CENTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I APOLOGIZED BUT IT WASN'T REALLY MY FAULT SINCE YOU NEVER HEAR PEOPLE TALK ABOUT CORBIN BERNSEN ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5. JOHN TERRY KNEEING ALEXIS SANCHEZ -- WHY DO YOU ALWAYS SABOTAGE YOURSELF LIKE THIS JOHN TERRY?!?!?!?!??!!?!!? KNEEING SOMEONE IN THE BACK IS NO WAY TO LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH I THINK YOU JUST NEED TO DO MORE CROSSWORD PUZZLES AND YOU'LL BE FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DO THEM WHILE I GIVE MYSELF STITCHES FOR WOUNDS THAT I HAVEN'T SUSTAINED YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6. MORGAN DE SANCTIS GIVING HIS SHIRT TO A BALL BOY -- WHEN HE DOES THIS HE'S A NICE GUY BUT WHEN I GIVE A BALL BOY A HANDFUL OF WASPS SUDDENLY I'M A BAD GUY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PEOPLE HAVE WEIRD STANDARDS FOR THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7. LYON'S 3D KIT -- REAL LIFE IS ALREADY 3D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EXCEPT FOR THE SEVEN HOURS A DAY WHEN IT SWITCHES TO 6D AND THINGS GET SERIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8. I FORGET WHAT 8 WAS FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI -- SO I WAS MAKING GUACAMOLE AND LISTENING TO TAYLOR SWIFT WHEN MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI CAME OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS TIME HE CAME OVER BECAUSE I INVITED HIM BUT I WAS STILL NOT HAPPY TO SEE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! EMOTIONS ARE BIZARRE CREATURES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANYWAY HE ASKED IF I COULD TURN OFF THE TAYLOR SWIFT MUSIC FOR A LITTLE WHILE SO WE COULD TALK TO EACH OTHER AND THAT'S WHEN I LOST IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SAID "NO DAN I WOULD REALLY PREFER IF WE DIDN'T TURN IT OFF COMPLETELY!!!!!!!!!!! HOW ABOUT WE COMPROMISE AND JUST TURN IT DOWN A BIT??!!??!?!?!?!" EXCEPT I SAID IT IN A WAY SO HE WOULD KNOW THAT I WISHED I STILL HAD HAIR TO SHOOT IN HIS STUPID FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE AGREED TO THE COMPROMISE AND WE TALKED FOR HOURS BUT I COULDN'T HEAR THE DELICATE INTRICACIES OF ANY OF THE SONGS SO MY GUACAMOLE WAS RUINED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH I HOPE DAN GETS AN AVOCADO LODGED IN HIS GALLBLADDER AND THEN WAKES UP TO REALIZE IT WAS JUST A NIGHTMARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!