When we first heard about the Bikini Hockey League, we thought it was a revolutionary reinvention of the game. Well, until we found out there was no ice. And that the "league" was a handful of players in scrimmages. And that it appeared to an excuse to film a reality series around fit, young, scantily clad women holding sticks. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)
After witnessing the intensity of BHL Media Day, our appetite was whet for what the rest of the Bikini League experience might look like. Lo and behold, the BHL has released a lengthy clip that features game play, fetish photography and, of course, a bunch of strangers picked to live in a suburban house, work together and have their lives taped ...
… To find out what happens when people stop wearing shirts and start wearing bikinis. In the Bikini Hockey League:
And now, as a public service, your friends at Puck Daddy cut inside the cheesecake …
0:32 — The tagline for the league appears to be "STRUGGLES … TRIUMPHS … AND REALITY." So, in summary: reality.
0:44 — This is going to sound crazy, but we're wondering if part of the appeal of this league is an abundance of cleavage when the players lean over to handle the puck. Again, crazy thought.
1:00 — A girl in a "Detroit Hustles Harder" shirt beats the crap out of another girl's Los Angeles Kings jersey, striking a blow for everyone who follows their Twitter feed.
1:18 — Someone is trying really, really hard to be Katie Morgan.
1:30 — The players are listening intently, eyes fixed on the presentation in front of them. It's like a scene out of "24/7" when John Tortorella is holding court in the pregame chat. What's gotten their attention? Defensive systems? Working on rotation on the power play? No, something much more important: Their bikini glamour shots.
1:55 — "There's some examining of nipple piercings going on." File that under "things overheard at the CBA mediation …"
2:50 — Annnnd we're in love:
A segment on fighting gave us this coquette, who confuses shoes with skates and tells us she will "ruin" anyone that steps to her. Who is she? No clue. What is she drinking? We want some. What will she do? Knee your head repeatedly, apparently.
4:10 — HOCKEY! OK, roller hockey, but hockey nonetheless. Alas, it looks like the KHL has more hitting than the BHL. But do they have terrible disco-rock covers of "Welcome To The Jungle"? That's the real test.
4:55 — Wait, there are locker room changing scenes?
Forget everything we've previously written; this is going to be bigger than the finale of "M*A*S*H."
So there you go. The Bikini Hockey League. Really, the sky's the limit. Before you know it, it'll be holding its own Winter Classic:
WHAT THE WHAT?!