Two months on from the Cory Schneider trade that shocked the world, Roberto Luongo has still yet to say much of anything about it, let alone touch on the expectation that he'll report to Vancouver in a month.
No doubt this is difficult for him. There are emotional hurdles to clear, and an exhausted, mentally checked out Luongo may be struggling to get over them. If only there was some way to lift his spirits.
But hark -- there is! With the power of music!
If America's best musicians could get together and, with one hastily recorded single, fix Africa forever, then Vancouver hockey fans should be able to sing Roberto Luongo back to wholeness, and to Vancouver.
So, inspired by "We Are the World", I called on friends, fans, and prominent members of the Vancouver blogging community to come together and do just that. The result was "Big Old Goal", a song of healing for Roberto Luongo.
There. Now don't we all feel better?
You're welcome, Mike Gillis. Consider that one a freebie. Next time you alienate a goalie and need someone to sing him better, you'd better cut me a cheque.
Many thanks to Daniel Wagner and Bryan Binnema, who helped me write and record this awful, awful song.
Thanks as well to all the members of the Big Old Choir: Jordan Bowman and Wyatt Arndt of the Legion of Blog, Alix Wright of Canucks Hockey Blog, Aidan Brand of Smug Nation, Ryan Mance (who nearly ruined everything by showing up in a Panthers jersey, you idiot), Steve May, Don Falconer, Christopher Reynolds, and James Wood of Knock on Wood Studios.
James and business partner A.J. Buckley were kind enough to let us film in their recording space and even give this obscene piece of schmaltz a second mixing and mastering, but they'd like it known that we didn't actually record the song there. You can see why they might want us to point that out. They usually collaborate with musicians to make good music.
Here are the lyrics to this tire fire:
This whole ordeal has gone completely out of hand
Slipped from our control just like grains of Florida sand
Cory Schneider's gone now and Lu we need you back
Without you it's a one-two punch of Ericsson and Lack
We wrote you a simple song
We know that we did you wrong
We booed you, we mistreated you, we rioted
Save us like you save the pucks
Come back, we are all Canucks
It's a big old goal and we need you inside it
You wanted out -- understandable, it was
But there was no escaping from the cap recapture clause
Mike Gillis tried to trade you, it didn't go so well
Instead the place you find yourself is sucky contract Hell
We know that mentally you're gone
And coming back might feel so wrong
When you can't find the strength to carry on
Just find the strength to carry on
And an MP3 of the song can be downloaded here, if you're the sort of person who likes to punish your ears for hearing.