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The Washington Redskins Twitter account had to stretch for positive things to tweet about early on Monday night

Shutdown Corner

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(USA Today Sports Images)

Washington Redskins fans had to be on fire today. How did they make it through the work day without their skin just burning clean off?

Their NFC East-winning team was about to hit the field for the first time since last season's playoff loss, and ZOMG! Robert Griffin III is back to continue his post-reconstruction takeover of the universe!

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And whichever summer intern was running the team's official Twitter account, our hats, good sir, are tipped for thee. Forty (that's 40) tweets from noon to kickoff — bravo!

Stuff like this mostly:

And:

You could understand the excitement, the anticipation. This was gonna be freakin' awesome! And when Griffin came out of the tunnel, the crowd noise was deafening. The Thrill-o-meter was well past 10. Twitter Dude was going to be busy as all get out. Little did we know ...

Oh sure, there were moments of joy for the Redskins, such as the Ryan Kerrigan tipped backwards pass and DeAngelo Hall TD return. That made it 7-0, Skins.

But then Chip Kelly and the Eagles happened. Again. And over again.

And Redskins Twitter person had a find a way to (a) keep up his/her prolific tweet rate and (b) put a bow on this ungodly Hog of a game.

Witness this sad-trombone trail of tweets as the Eagles started laying the wood early ...

This is what's known as a troll tweet. Kelly is, of course, in his first NFL game. We actually kind of admire the humor. Rock on.

No mention of how badly those 23 plays were gashing the Redskins, natch. There's a reason why trainers put blinders on racehorses. Keep on running, kid. This is your time.

At this point, we just assumed the question was rhetorical.

Funny. Don't remember a punt.

Ah, a summary of the mayhem. Should be fun to read.

THAT'S BECAUSE BOTH WERE FAKING!

After 17 IV bags. None left for any other Redskins defenders. Twitterguy didn't mention it, but Dr. James Andrews is wearing a hat four sizes too small, so he might need a bag all to himself.

Dude.

That link does NOT show scores of cars streaming out of FedEx Field. It should have. It looked like one long, blinding streak of bright light.

Cousins wants in on this noise? Brave kid.

Love the Seinfeld reference. Mind you, it's 33-7 Eagles at this point and the fans are getting in a few quick rounds of Candy Crush.

LOLOLOLOL. Not trying to do too much! This kid is GOOOOOD. What is minimum wage these days in Virginia?

To be fair, the Redskins — like Twitterboy — never gave up. They scored three unanswered touchdowns and cut the lead to a mere six points at the end. The tweets flew fast and furious as hope was kept alive, and as fans no doubt turned off their TVs and dialed into @Redskins for the thrilling blow-by-blow account.

But it died a little while afterwards, as the Eagles recovered an onsides kick attempt in the final minute-plus. Oh well. Nice comeback, Skins — after a pathetic first half. But the intern — he needs a good nickname, like Twilber Marshall, or Brian Twitchell or something — kept at it, undaunted.

Amen. Scroll through the 100-plus gametime tweets, and you'd barely know the Eagles possessed the ball. But who cares?! Free six-inch sammies for everyone in burgundy and gold!

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