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Fake Jon Gruden breaks down Giants-Cowboys Monday nighter

Shutdown Corner

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Fake Jon Gruden breaks down the fantastic Monday Night Football matchup between the New York Giants and Dallas Cowboys:

On Eli Manning -- "Let me tell you, this guy is cool, calm and collected. That's why I call him 'The Cucumber.' He's a Super Bowl MVP and has the New York Giants leadin' the NFC East. He's like a hammer and the rest of the league is his rock."

On Tony Romo(notes) -- (Gruden leans forward precariously on his stool, knuckles white from gripping the table so hard.) "You talk about Tony Romo; this guy is without a doubt one of the best quarterbacks in the National Football League. He's completin' 70 percent of his passes. It's so much fun to call plays when you have a guy at quarterback like this. You say, "can you run this play," and he'll say, "hey, I can do whatever you need." My kinda guy."

On Tom Coughlin -- "Hoo boy, this is one dude you don't wanna mess with. He's a tough cookie. An old-school disciplinarian. On time is too late for this guy! You've gotta show up five minutes early in Tom Coughlin's world! If you had to sum up the head coach of the New New York Football Giants in three words: Discipline. Poise. Order. Discipline."

On Jerry Jones -- "What an owner, one of the best in the history of sports. This new stadium is so amazin' that they call it the Palace in Dallas. You know, they're gonna have the Super Bowl here in February. And all Jerry Jones wants to do is get his Cowboys to that game. And you know what? I think he has the team this year to do it."

On Miles Austin(notes) -- "Miles Austin isn't just one of the most underrated football players in the National Football League, he might also be one of the best. This guy can do it all. Run the go route. Block the C-gap. Go over the middle. Here's a young man who can penetrate and get into that spot. Nobody really talks about him but, believe me Jaws, he can play. Miles Austin is a true football player. I love that guy." (Note: But not as much as MJD.)

On Hakeem Nicks(notes) -- (Gruden emits a long whistle, as if to say, "that guy there is special.")

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