Missouri OL Elvis Fisher will hold out of fall camp until demands are met (VIDEO)

Missouri offensive lineman Elvis Fisher has decided to hold out for the start of Mizzou's football camp on Wednesday unless his demands are met.

Fisher, a senior and arguably the Tigers best offensive lineman, held a press conference Tuesday — OK, it was him, in his car, talking to a friend holding a video camera — to announce his demands saying:

"I have a few demands that must be met before I play football for the University of Missouri again."

And here are his demands (verbatim):

• "We need new soap in the locker room. I'm tired of that cheap 99-cent Wal-Mart soap. I've got old dry skin as it is. Get some Dove or some Axe in there. A billion-dollar complex… We've got a Tiger in the front of the complex that will follow you around — an animated Tiger — but we don't have better soap?"

• "I want my own personal Segway. I don't want to have to walk to the practice field. I don't want to have to walk to the dining hall. I don't want to have to walk to the weight room. I'm not trying to lose weight here. I gotta be over 300 , ya'll want me over 300 to play in the SEC. Yeah, I need a Segway."

• "On the back of my jersey, I do not want to have 'Fisher' on the back of it anymore. From now on I want my Twitter handle (@ElvisFisher72) to be on the back of my jersey."

• "I don't want to sweat on game day anymore getting ready. I sweat so much on game day just getting ready for the game that I want to have five or six just my personal assistants on game day to assist me getting ready so I don't have to sweat. All my stuff laid out. Yeah, they just take care of it so I don't gotta sweat anymore. I'm not sweating anymore before a game."

• "Last but not least, I need some new shirts. I need some Mizzou football shirts. Look what I'm wearing. I'm wearing an AT&T Cotton Bowl shirt. That was back in what? '08? January 1st? My redshirt year? Haven't gotten a new shirt since. That's ridiculous. I need some new shirts."

Fisher concludes his press conference by saying that if his demands are met by Wednesday, he'll be in fall camp.

Obviously — and I hope this goes without saying — this is a joke, so stop writing that snarky comment at the bottom of this article. It's a spoof on the many NFL players who are holding out for various reasons. Fisher will be in fall camp, he's not a diva (well, maybe he is) and this is all in good fun. Let's all just be thankful football starts this week.

Still, can the man get some proper soap? I mean, really Mizzou!

H/T Rock M Nation

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