Create-a-Caption: Rick Carlisle, busted, big-time, yeah

Boom. Got you, Rick Carlisle. Caught you red-about-to-slap-a-butt-handed.

You can look away all you want, Coach, but your lyin' eyes won't divert our gaze from the evil that your roamin' hands aim to do. Just because DeShawn Stevenson takes pride in making himself look really good with multiple face and neck tattoos and has been doing some really positive things off the Dallas Mavericks bench, that doesn't give you the right to smack him on the backside. You might think that's a motivational tactic, but that sort of handsy business has no place in a professional environment. In the words of the newest member of your fraternity, "You're better than that."

Hand down, man. Down.

Best caption wins some much-needed sensitivity training. Good luck.

In our last adventure: Jason Terry's clutchheart is actually a giant battery fueled by loneliness. Watch him get charged up.

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Winner, Moondebah: "Freakin' tarmac delays."

Runner-up, M.O.F.O.: "No one cares about my fever."

Second runner-up, JP: "The team doctors said these special socks would help with my varicose veins. I'll wear 'em, but I don't have to like them."