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From the Marbles

Kurt Busch goes to the Hendrick Christmas party

Nick Bromberg
From The Marbles

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Screen Shot 2011-12-23 at 10.42.07 AM

[Scene: After signing his contract with Phoenix Racing, Kurt Busch is invited to the Hendrick supplier Christmas party. Busch arrives, grabs his championship trophy and walks to the front door of the Hendrick house, where he's greeted by Rick Hendrick.]

Busch: Hi Mr. Hendrick! I am very grateful to be driving your cars next year. I think it's an absolute honor and pleasure and I am still so happy. Right before I got here I just recorded a 10 minute video of my excitement in front of my fireplace. It's on YouTube.

Hendrick: Great to have you Kurt. I'm glad you're excited. You didn't bring your brother with you, did you?

Busch: No, I didn't. He kept dropping my cue cards. That football (deleted). I had to show him who the older brother is. Awww, man... I left my watch on the counter.

Hendrick: Um, that's great, Kurt. What's that in your hands? Is that your trophy?

Busch: Yes Mr Hendrick, this is my prized 2004 Nextel Cup championship trophy. Where should I put it?

Hendrick: Well, Tony, Jeff and Jimmie's trophies are over there on that shelf. Maybe we can make space.

[Busch walks over to shelf]

Busch: Wow, I am not the only championship driver here. This will be a great topic for my next fireside chat "What it is like being associated with other drivers as great as yourself?"

Jimmie Johnson: Hey Kurt, why are you carrying your trophy? That thing is like seven years old. *sips a Rum and Vanilla Coke*

Busch: Because my trophy is awesome, Jimmie. But there's no shelf for my awesomeness. There's a lot of trophies here.

Landon Cassill: hors d'oeuvre, Mr. Busch?

Busch: No thanks. I will take some water though.

Tony Stewart: Yes, there are. You're the 2000 and latest, so there may be some space in the counter in the kitchen. Oh, Steve says hey, by the way.

Busch: Steeeeeeeeeeeeeeve... *Busch silently boils.* Where am I going to put my trophy?

Jeff Gordon: I tell you what. Let's breakdance for it. You win, I'll take one of my trophies off the shelf. I win, you have to hold it the entire night.

Busch: That seems a pleasant and wonderful compromise, Jeff. Can we do it in front of the fireplace? Oh, here's my Flip camera. Danica, can you record this? Just press the red button.

Danica Patrick: Camera! Who said camera? *scrambles and puts on GoDaddy outfit. teases hair.* I'm ready!

Busch: No, Danica, will you please hold the camera for me? I would be so very thankful this Christmas season.

Patrick: Oh, so I'm not going to be in front of the camera? First time for everything, I guess.

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: What the hell is going on? *drinks beer, adjusts Wranglers.*

Gordon: Sorry Dale, Cup champions only.

Earnhardt Jr.: If that's what you gotta do after you win, no thanks man. *adjusts Wranglers again.*

Kasey Kahne: Hey Dale, all these 40somethings just came to the door and asked for me. I'm scared. Let's make a run for it.

Earnhardt Jr.: Welcome to my life, Kahne. Just ignore them.

Mark Martin: Breakdancing contest! I'm so in. After that can we do some pullups?

Gordon: Sure! Wait... Mark... why are you still here? And you're not even eligible either.

Martin: I haven't joined MWR officially until January 1.

Ryan Newman: Army recon time. You're spying for Michael Waltrip, aren't you? And why are you with a giant dog in an Aaron's firesuit?

Martin: Crap. *scurries away, jumps out a window and into the bushes.*

Newman: Army strong.

Stewart: Where'd Johnson go? Cassill, get me another Schlitz.

[Out of nowhere, Johnson drives in on a golf cart.]

Johnson: Hey Jeff, how about we break dance on the roof of this bad boy. Anything with an engine, am I right?

Busch: This is the most delightful Christmas party I have ever been to. Memo to self: host delightful Christmas party next year in front of fireplace. Record and post to YouTube.

Chad Knaus: Jimmie, you need to go last. I need time to install the extra special shocks on the cart.

Steve Letarte: Dang it. One of the tires on the cart is flat. Chad, how do you inflate a tire?

Steve Addington: I'll show you how to do it, Steve.

[Addington proceeds to instruct Letarte how to inflate the golf cart's tire. This enrages Busch.]

Busch: NO! YOU ARE DOING IT ALL WRONG, ADDINGTON! *throws trophy against fireplace.* WHY DO YOU WASTE YOUR TIME DOING THINGS INCORRECTLY? YOU ARE THE WORST TIRE INFLATER IN THE HISTORY OF TIRE INFLATERS.

Patrick: I'm so glad Kurt told me to hit the red button five minutes ago. I can't wait to send this to Dr. Punch.

Stewart: Don't listen to him, Steve. You're in a better place now.

Hendrick: What's going on in here. Kurt, why is your trophy on the floor? And why can I hear Roger Penske laughing from down the street?

Busch: Mr. Hendrick, I forgot you were here. This Christmas party is not so wonderful any more. I think it is time for me to peacefully depart. I am getting very sleepy and rest is very important.

Hendrick: Thanks for coming, Kurt. I'm glad you could join us.

Busch: May you all have a blessed Christmas and many yuletides your way. I'm off to record an instructional golf cart tire inflating video in front of my fireplace and post it to YouTube.

Patrick: Here's your camera back, Kurt. If you want to see any of the unrated content I just recorded, you must go to GoDaddy.com.

Busch: Sounds good, Danica. I can hardly contain myself I am so thrilled with excitement.

Everyone: Merry Christmas, Kurt!

[Busch departs into the night, continuing on after being spooked by Martin still hiding in the bushes.]

May you have a great Christmas and holiday weekend!

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