Why OU football trip to Kansas is 'going to be a really big deal' for Jaren Kanak

NORMAN — As he prepares to play his first collegiate game in his home state, Jaren Kanak can’t help but think about his father.

But the OU sophomore linebacker also can’t help but embrace the unique story that brought about the family that has enveloped him and will celebrate together Saturday when the sixth-ranked Sooners take on Kansas in Lawrence (11 a.m., Fox).

“You’re going to have ups and downs and tough times,” Kanak told The Oklahoman recently. “But when you find that joy, you can’t be grateful and stressed at the same time. So I choose joy.”

Kanak’s message — and that of his mother — are emblazoned on a tattoo on his right shin that reads, “JOurneY”

The messaging comes from the book his mother, Lisa McGrath, wrote in 2018 — ”The JOurneY Between Us: My Faith Walk: Overcoming Grief to Find JOY in the JOurneY.”

McGrath grew up with a strong faith, but that faith was tested in the summer of 2008.

Jason Kanak was driving his family — wife Lisa, who was eight-months pregnant, and 4-year-old Jaren — home from a baby shower in their honor when tragedy struck.

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A car traveling in the opposite direction struck a deer, sending it through the Kanaks’ car.

It entered the driver’s side area, striking and killing Jason. It exited the rear passenger’s side, above Jaren’s head.

Lisa was able to take control of the vehicle and bring it to a stop.

Nobody else in the car was seriously hurt.

“It was just bizarre,” Lisa said. “It was a wonder that he and I weren’t injured. We had some cuts and scrapes and things like that, but neither one of us were injured and everything was fine with the baby.”

Lisa tried to shield Jaren from the trauma of the accident.

“I didn’t know what he would remember,” she said. “I didn’t know if he would have nightmares or what. I didn’t want him going to the funeral home. I didn’t want him to see Jason.”

Their pastor convinced her to give Jaren the closure of seeing his father again.

“The situation was very matter of fact,” Lisa said. “Jaren said it just looked like he was just sleeping. And then from that point on, he knew that his dad went to heaven to be with Jesus and that was just kind of how it was.”

Lisa questioned her beliefs.

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“It’s not that I didn’t question my faith or it’s not that I didn’t feel angry at the situation at times and wonder how God could’ve allowed something like this to happen,” Lisa said. “But once I got past the grief and this numbness, in retrospect I was able to start to see all the little ways that God’s still guiding my path.”

Jason’s sister was friends with Cari McGrath and when Cari died from a heart condition less than a month after Jason's death, Lisa reached out to Cari’s husband, Scott, with a sympathy card. She opened the door for him to reach out if he needed to talk to someone who understood the pain of losing a spouse at a young age.

He eventually reached out and they helped each other emerge from the tragedies their families had endured.

“Honestly neither one of us felt like we would ever be able to move on,” Lisa said. “When you experience such tragic loss so young, you just don’t think you’re ever going to move on from it. But we were each other’s support system. A lot of times we were the only one each other wanted to talk to because we knew what the other was going through.”

That support turned into something more and Lisa and Scott were married Oct. 24, 2009, in their family backyard in Hays, Kansas.

The family of three — Lisa, Jaren and 1-year-old Lynsi — combined to become a family of six with Scott and his children, Lilian and Benton.

“We’ve never avoided talking about the kids’ parents,” Lisa said of Jason and Cari. “We talk about them. They know all of their grandparents and they know all of their siblings. Nothing’s ever been avoided.”

The families embraced each other, creating a large support system.

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“That means a lot,” Jaren said. “That’s a huge thing, having that support system and having so many people that care about you and having this blended family.

“Being able to have all these sets of people who really care about me and love me unconditionally, it’s a huge thing.”

Jaren’s memories of his father exist mostly in photographs — his dad showing off his love of the Denver Broncos with a shirt while he sat next to young Jaren, Jason holding up 3-month-old Jaren while the baby clutched a golf club.

“There’s a couple flashes here or there,” Jaren said. “But my biggest thing for me was growing up after he passed away, all I ever heard about him was how good of a guy he was, what his character was and how much I remind people of him.

“That’s kind of a big deal for me.”

Fading memories drew Lisa to start keeping a journal.

“I think with the trauma of the situation, I felt like I was forgetting and I didn’t want to forget,” Lisa said.

Those journals, which included inspirational messages or testimony of her faith, eventually morphed into the book.

There are expected to be at least 30 close family members in attendance Saturday for the game against the Jayhawks. There’ll be plenty more extended family and friends who make the trek.

“It’s going to be a really big deal for me," Jaren said, "to be able to get a lot of them to the same game at the same time.”

OU vs. Kansas

KICKOFF: 11 a.m. Saturday at David Booth Kansas Memorial Stadium in Lawrence (Fox)

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This article originally appeared on Oklahoman: OU football game at Kansas is 'really big deal' for Jaren Kanak