Rob Oller's Second Thoughts: Could hot dogger Joey Chestnut handle multiple Thurmanators?

Joey Chestnut is many things. World champion competitive eater. Freak of nature. Gastrointestinal marvel. Situational glutton.

But athlete? Nope. At least not based solely on his entertaining eating habits. Yet here we are, with social media memes showing Chestnut’s accomplishments listed alongside Micheal Jordan and Tom Brady with comments that he belongs among the greatest athletes in history.

Yeah, I know, lighten up, Oller. Don’t take it so seriously. I agree. Chestnut’s special talent of devouring hot dogs – he won his 16th title in 17 years Tuesday by eating 62 Nathan’s hot dogs in 10 minutes – is nothing more than fun and games. A little Fourth of July festivity to lighten the mood. I am as amazed as anyone that a human can cram 62 dogs down his gullet and be called a hero, when I eat three at a picnic and get called a pig. But then life ain’t fair.

But I digress. Nathan’s eating contest is just that, a contest, not an athletic competition. I mean, cornhole requires more hand-eye coordination than eating.

That said, if Chestnut or women’s winner Miki Sudo, who gobbled 39 ½ hot dogs, really want to shock the world, let them come to Columbus and finish three Thurmanators in one sitting. Or gulp a Cazuela’s Mucho Macho Burrito in 10 minutes (instead of the normal 20-minute challenge).

Again, not to suggest Chestnut lacks talent. Maybe he isn’t the human garbage disposal he once was – the 39-year-old came up 14 shy of his record 76-dog masterpiece – but it takes guts, and strong ones at that, to tackle so many tube sausages in one sitting.

Do that, and I will eat crow. But only one. And with ketchup.

Could Larry Bird survive in today’s NBA?

I hesitate to take anything Dennis Rodman says seriously, because, well, it’s Dennis Rodman. But in good conscience, the Worm’s latest comments about Larry Bird cannot go unchallenged.

If you missed it, in which case the attention-seeking Rodman would be deeply disappointed, the former NBA rebounding machine (credit where due) disrespected Bird during an episode of something called VladTV.

Rodman went off when asked about Gilbert Arenas’ comment that Bird would beat LeBron James one-on-one, saying the former Boston Celtics superstar wouldn’t even have a job in the NBA if he played today.

“I think he’d be in Europe,” Rodman said. “His game was fit for Boston at the time in the ’80s and stuff like that. Today’s world … there’s no way.”

Rodman continued. Of course.

“I’m not downplaying him, because he’s a great player at that time, just like I was. But I’m saying there’s no way.”

Rodman has a history of poking Bird, having criticized the Hall of Famer during the 1987 Eastern Conference finals when he played for Detroit. After losing the series in seven games, the Pistons’ rookie said Bird was only celebrated because he was white.

At least now Rodman knows the insult was idiotic, even if he still brings race into it.

“I think I woulda said the same thing if he was Black,” Rodman said. “I would have said something in a different direction, but it so happened to be Larry Bird. I apologized many, many times over. That’s history.”

Should Rodman apologize again for his latest comments? Or was his hot take on the money? I say no. Bird was a pure shooter, and to suggest he could not excel today is like concluding Babe Ruth could not hit a 96-mph fastball. Ridiculous. Pure shooters and hitters thrive in any era.

Shohei Ohtani is the anti-Rodman

The Los Angeles Angels pitcher/slugger is much less hyped than he should be. Consider his June numbers, compiled by CBS Sports, which put him in elite company.

— Seventh-highest OPS ever among players with at least 100 plate appearances, below only Ruth, Lou Gehrig and Rogers Hornsby.

— Fifteen home runs, tying him for third all-time with Ruth (1930), Pedro Guerrero (1985), Jim Thome (2004), Bob Johnson (1934) and Roger Maris (1961).

— Across five starts, Ohtani went 2-2 with a 3.26 ERA and 37 strikeouts in 30 ⅓ innings.

We should be hearing more about this guy. Or maybe paying closer attention.

Listening in

“Everything I’ve been given is a gift from God. I try to play to the audience of one, which is Him. I’m not too concerned about people, even though I love them and I care about them and I want to entertain them.” – 65-year-old Bernhard Langer, after winning the U.S. Senior Open title for his record 46th senior tour win.

Off-topic

I’ve never been much of a “car guy,” but a recent stroll through a vintage car show took me back to childhood memories of riding around in the family Chevy Kingswood station wagon, Monte Carlo and Camaro. (My old man worked for General Motors, thus, no Fords or Chryslers in the garage). Seeing the dozens of 1960s-70s classics was bittersweet, knowing we once owned these chrome-infused beauties but did not appreciate what we had. Then again, how could we? It’s not like I look at my Honda CR-V today and say, ‘We need to keep this baby because someday it will belong in a museum.’ No real regrets; more just seeing your childhood-on-wheels brings back the feels.

roller@dispatch.com

@rollerCD 

This article originally appeared on The Columbus Dispatch: Joey Chestnut stuffs his face, but can he gut out two Thurmanators?