Oller's Second Thoughts: What would Lou Holtz say about the Ryder Cup?

Lou Holtz has a lot to say these days. The Ryder Cup has a lot to answer for, so it makes sense to add gasoline to a dumpster fire by having the coach chime in on how to improve golf’s preeminent international rivalry.

We’re not sure Lou actually said these things, just like we’re not sure why Patrick Cantlay chose to go without a hat during the Ryder Cup (Cantlay said the hat did not fit, then denied a report that he went without a cap to avoid getting an ugly tan line for his upcoming wedding, but then he also denied knowing anything about his caddie’s tense row with Rory McIlroy, when photos clearly show he was looking right at McIlroy and caddie Joe LaCava when the tiff was happening).

But we’re pretty sure Holtz would say these things. After all, Lou the Lip eventually says anything and everything. Some of his “would” comments about the Ryder Cup make sense, just like some of what he said about Ohio State lacking physicality in losses to Michigan made sense. But some of it is nonsense.

Anyway, let’s begin.

Holtz: “Let me first say I love golf. What a sport. You got a little dimpled ball just sitting there waiting to be hit. Kinda like the Buckeyes. Oops, probably shouldn’t have said that.

“But the Ryder Cup needs some changes, beginning with the caddies. If it were up to me I’d have players carry their own bags during the three-day event, but since I’m told that would not be practical – something about players’ legs getting too tired; cry me a river – I would compromise and ban caddies from doing anything but carrying the bag. No helping read putts. No providing yardages. No tossing grass in the air and saying, ‘The wind is coming from here, so hit the ball over there.’ I mean, the Ryder Cup already is different from PGA Tour golf. Theye guys actually show emotion for a change. So let’s finish the job by keeping caddies out of the decision-making … and off the greens.

"No more of this caddie waving hats in players’ faces, like what  LaCava did to Rory, although I will say Rory needs to man up, not unlike the Buckeyes. Oops, probably should not have said that.

"Second, the Ryder Cup needs to do something about the fans. The event has become a lopsided example of home-court advantage gone over a cliff – a screaming match as much as a golf match. I’m all for fans being able to cheer their own boys, but booing the other team on every shot? Last time I checked it remains a gentleman’s game. The U.S. has not won the Cup on European soil since 1993, and I’m here to tell you a big reason is because of fans singing songs making fun of our ugly Ryder Cup outfits. Granted, the fashion police need to arrest the person who came up with those barfy red, white and blue outfits for the Yanks, but that is beside the point.

"If you thought the pro-Euro crowds in Italy were obnoxious, wait until 2025 when the Ryder Cup comes to Bethpage Black in New York. Things will get out of control.

"Couple more things. It’s time for the PGA to pay the players. Not a lot, but some sort of stipend is appropriate. Competing for pride in your country is great, but the Ryder Cup is not the Olympics. The PGA of America makes a butt-ton of money off the Cup, just like colleges make millions off their student-athletes, so sharing the wealth simply makes dollars and sense.

"Finally, time to drop the number of captain's picks from six to two. Golf is all about being in top form. You want players who are playing their best over a fair amount of time, not someone’s buddy. Rickie Fowler is a great kid, but was 0-2-0 against the bad guys. Even Ryan Day could have seen that one coming. Oops, probably shouldn’t have said that."

NFL suddenly becomes a 'Swifty'

Say this about the No Fun League, it can party with the best of them when doing so means getting more money into its coffers. The NFL is taking full advantage of the Taylor Swift-Travis Kelce relationship by appealing to the teen girls who worship their gal, even if that means having to learn the difference between a first down and touchdown.

Numbers don’t lie. The NFL’s posts about Swift across all its social media channels during the week after the singer attended the Sept. 24 Chiefs-Bears game generated 170 million impressions, with a watch-time of more than 23 years, according to CBSSports.com. More eyeballs on the product means more money in the NFL’s pocket.

I didn’t think it possible the league could show a luxury box occupant more often than it shows Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, but I was wrong. The game within the game is TV showing Swift in a stadium suite watching her soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend, who may be the biggest beneficiary of the Swift halo effect.

Fanatics reported a 400% increase in Kelce’s jersey sales, putting him in the top five players in the NFL. He also added 383,000 new followers on his Instagram account.

In their wildest dreams, the NFL could not have imagined the financial windfall Swift would provide.

Listening in

“Man this Trevor Bauer stuff is wild. What’s y’all’s thoughts? – former major league pitcher Roger Clemens, posting on X about the recently-settled legal dispute between Bauer and a woman who accused the former Cleveland Guardians and Cincinnati Reds pitcher of beating and sexually assaulting her in 2021.

Off-topic

Despite Columbus having a larger population, something about the downtowns in Cleveland and Cincinnati make those cities feel bigger. I can’t exactly pinpoint it, but it is more than Cleveland and Cincinnati having more tall buildings. Maybe it’s the familiarity effect? I know Columbus, but Cleveland and Cincinnati remain a bit more mysterious. Any ideas?

roller@dispatch.com

@rollerCD

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This article originally appeared on The Columbus Dispatch: Lou Holtz, Ryder Cup both hot sports topics, so let's combine them