A monster homer at Coors Field prevented fans from buying burgers

We here at The Stew support every fan’s right to enjoy decent ballpark fare while taking in a baseball game. There’s nothing better than getting to your seat minutes before the start of the contest with a burger, onion rings and a frosty beverage.

That’s why we were outraged to discover some poor fans attending Monday’s game between the Colorado Rockies and St. Louis Cardinals were deprived of that experience. Prior to the start of Monday’s game, Helton Burger Shack out in left field announced it would be closed for a night after a batting practice home run shattered the glass at its stand.

Think of the all the burgers that have gone uneaten tonight and try not to weep.

Now, look, a quick check of the Rockies website confirms that you can go to other concession stands in the park to get a burger. But this is Helton Burger Shack we’re talking about. A place doesn’t just offer regular burgers, it offers “made to order gourmet Helton burgers.” It has its own area on the team’s website, which boasts that the concession stand comes with Todd Helton’s “stamp of approval.” Let’s be honest, if you’re going to eat a burger at a Rockies game, you’re going to get a burger endorsed by Todd Helton over a burger not endorsed by Todd Helton.

Who’s to blame for this tragedy? The Rockies have placed the blame on someone, but color us skeptical.

So we are believe the Rockies’ triceratops mascot Dinger is responsible for this massive feat of strength. This guy?

We aren’t buying it. Dinger is merely a patsy. He’s a scapegoat. The Rockies are merely putting the blame on their harmless mascot in order to take our attention away from the real culprit. What are the Rockies hiding? Who are they trying to protect? How high up does the conspiracy go?

Do you really think Dinger can muscle a ball beyond the stands in left field? We know he’s a dinosaur and all, but get out here. This was a player’s work, and given the Rockies’ eagerness to throw Dinger under the bus, we’re going to assume it was someone from their club.

We here at The Stew will not rest until the real culprit is found. Fans deserve Helton burgers. We are dedicated to getting to the bottom of this horrible conspiracy.

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Chris Cwik is a writer for Big League Stew on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at christophercwik@yahoo.com or follow him on Twitter! Follow @Chris_Cwik