Grooming in schools: a stealthy indicator of abuse

Sep. 20—Few professions elicit an immediate trust quite like that given to educators.

For 180 school days, caregivers hand over their livelihoods and assume their children will be presented with opportunities to bond and build life-altering relationships with those brave enough to lead a sports team or head the classroom.

While the large majority of educators live up to that duty and are worthy of admiration, what happens when a small percentage of school personnel manipulate that granted trust and relationships to potentially victimize a child?

As criminal charges, convictions and alarming accusations appear out of multiple local school districts, it's important to break down definitions, understand the prevalence of the issue and become aware of the warning signs.

What is grooming and who is at risk?

In a recent school board meeting, concerns were raised by community members regarding rumors of current employees "grooming" students through inappropriate use of communications.

While not technically a crime in and of itself, grooming is defined by the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network as involving manipulative behaviors that the abuser uses to "gain access to a potential victim, coerce them to agree to the abuse and reduce the risk of being caught."

Concerning educators, specifically, a publication in the Journal of Child Sexual Abuse concluded offending educators may provide students with additional mentoring, help or a special one-on-one connection.

While seemingly harmless, "the teacher is slowly introducing and increasing sexually related discourse. ... The amount of touching and physical contact is gradually increased. The purpose of grooming is to test the child's ability to maintain secrecy and to desensitize the child through progressive sexual behaviors."

More recently, in a 2022 peer-reviewed study from "An International Journal of Evidence-based Research, Policy and Practice," researchers conducted a test to determine the probability of a child sexual abuse case containing grooming behaviors by the offender.

In the study, 115 adults who were victims of child sexual abuse were surveyed to understand the grooming patterns of offenders.

The study broke down grooming into five distinct stages: victim selection, isolation, trust development, desensitizing sexual and physical content and post-abuse maintenance.

According to the study, grooming can include the abuser showcasing favoritism, giving compliments, awarding special privileges or spending time alone together with the intent of preparing a child for abuse and maintaining secrecy after.

The study also provided a glimpse into the mind-frame of children who are prime targets of grooming.

In the study, a majority of the victims described themselves at the time of their abuse as being trustworthy of adults, lacking self-confidence, were lonely, troubled, lacked adult supervision or came from a dysfunctional family setting.

Nearly 70% of participants said their abuser was charming and likable and over half reported their abuser built their trust by being affectionate or loving — adding their abuser gave ample amounts of attention, compliments and communicated often prior to the abuse.

Nearly 30% said their abuser had a good reputation or were considered a "pillar of the community." One victim wrote: "(The abuser) was a member of the community with lots of friends and associates" and was "well-known and liked."

Only seven of the 115 surveyed victims reported their abuser as being involved in a youth-serving organization — whether in a church, school or sports setting.

While the number of potential predatory teachers were small in that survey pool, the Kentucky School Boards Association reported in 2011 that sexually related or inappropriate relationships between teachers and students "skyrocketed."

In that report, the then-KSBA's director of Risk Management, Myron Thompson, said, "While electronic communications and social networking may have made it easier for educators to cross the line with students, it also provides a record that makes the contact easier to prove," foreshadowing the number of allegations and convictions seen in this region in just the past couple of years.

While the number of ethical teachers far outweigh those accused of sexual or inappropriate conduct, the topic of teacher grooming is largely unaddressed, as it's not entirely frowned upon for an educator to form a special bond with students who are in need of a healthy adult connection.

It's not criminal for a teacher, or any adult, to give a child a break who's going through a hard time; nor is it ethically wrong to pull a student aside to ask about their day. However, the problem arises when the line blurs with malicious intent behind that "special" bond. How can intent be determined before a crime is committed?

This gray area results in the prevalence of the issue harder to calculate — ultimately making it harder to identify and prevent until it's too late.

First-hand accounts

According to court records, a local father of an 11-year-old student petitioned the court for a protection order against a school employee on behalf of his child in July.

Within the motion for an order of protection, the father wrote he discovered "inappropriate text messages" on his daughter's phone from the employee.

"These text messages are him telling her how he misses her and how he can't wait to spoil her with all of his attention," the father wrote in the court document. "I am not comfortable with this 51-year-old male around my daughter!"

While the father claimed to possess nearly 300 screenshots of the "inappropriate" communications, the petition was dismissed the following month by the family court division judge.

In obtained documents, no reasoning for the dismissal is included aside from "it was not established by a preponderance of the evidence," to constitute the reasoning for the father's petition.

While this could be an example of a potential grooming situation, it also highlights the difficulty schools and the court system face when tasked to prove ill-intent behind "innocent" communications.

A former local high school student — who graduated in 2022 — said she experienced grooming from a teacher throughout her four years ... but she didn't realize it until it took a sexual turn.

"I semi-knew what grooming was, but I fell into the trap of it," she said. "I got manipulated by someone with authority over me."

She said the process began during her freshman year.

"He was my history teacher, and he showed extreme favoritism towards me," she said. "Even other students noticed — saying, 'yeah, he's talking to you a lot.'"

She said the teacher discussed personal life, religious beliefs and a wide array of various topics. Communication increased after she was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder around the time of the COVID-19 pandemic.

The male teacher, she said, posted a private document in Google Classroom so only she could see it. She was a sophomore or junior at the time, she said.

"It made me feel like he cared about me in that kind of way," she said.

He sent her a "happy birthday" message and then the email exchanges became daily dialogue, she said. Even with about a 12-year age difference, they played video games together.

"In my head, obviously I knew it was weird, but at the same time, he manipulated me into thinking he genuinely cared," she said.

By her senior year, the teacher began commented on her physical appearance — remarking about how she'd gained muscle and was looking better as she overcame her sickness, she said. She questioned him about why he communicated with her so frequently.

"I tried to stop it, and a million times over, I wish I would've told someone," she said. "But I didn't feel safe with our counselor for many reasons. ... and I wanted to tell someone, but I didn't want to get him in trouble or me in trouble, so I tried to just stop it myself."

She tried to ignore him when he spoke to her in the hallways. But, she said, he would reach out to her and say "I'm really sorry, I just want to talk to you. He made me feel like the bad person."

Following graduation, the communication became inappropriate, she said.

"It just went too far," she said. "I tried to stop it again, but he did the same thing — the 'I'm sorry, I won't do it again' line. But he did it again, and, well, then he invited me over."

She said she did accept the invitation and, at first, the physical contact was just hugging, but it "progressively got worse."

By the third visit to his residence, the graduate's parents found out and put a stop to it, she said.

"Looking back, I feel stupid for believing the things I believed," she said. "But it's very easy for someone in an authority position to manipulate you."

Legal perspective

Boyd County's Commonwealth's office is no stranger to prosecuting child sexual abuse cases — sometimes managing more than 100 cases involving child victims in a single month.

A portion of the office's successful convictions have involved those in the realm of education.

In Boyd County Circuit Court, specifically, The Daily Independent has reported on six former school employees who have been convicted of sexually-related crimes in the past 10 years.

Boyd County Commonwealth's Attorney Rhonda Copley said in her decade's worth of experience, some extent of grooming accompanies any child sexual abuse case.

"Any time you are going to have sexual abuse with a child, you're going to have grooming behavior to some degree," Copley said, adding grooming and sexual abuse often fall "hand in hand."

Copley said outside of violent rapes, perpetrators typically establish a sense of trust with a child before committing the physical act.

But Copley also said identifying grooming pre-crime is tricky.

"Teachers become close to students and that's OK. Sometimes that interest may save a kid; you don't want to cripple that," Copley said.

But Copley also said parents or caregivers should monitor any signs of unnecessary interest — especially on mobile devices — and know their child is not immune to becoming a victim.

"People have such strong feelings about sex crimes but they think it will never happen to them. It can happen in every family," Copley said.

While it's Copley's office that handles felony charges, Boyd County Attorney Curtis Dotson said he, too, is familiar with grooming in cases he's seen throughout the years.

Dotson's office typically prosecutes juvenile matters and all misdemeanor cases, but if his office suspects any sign of sexual abuse, it's immediately referred to Copley's division.

In his experience, Dotson defined grooming as "when an adult builds a relationship and gains trust with a child or young person. Once they gain that trust, they can manipulate it and exploit it."

Dotson said suspected grooming behavior should always be investigated and addressed immediately to rule out any criminal act.

Det. Chase Kirk with the Boyd County Sheriff's Office shared the same experience with grooming from an investigator's standpoint.

"It happens more often than not," Kirk said. "In almost every case I've been on."

Since starting with the sheriff's department in June, Kirk has already worked about 10 cases involving sexual abuse of a minor.

"What starts out as an innocent conversation develops trust and then developing an unwanted relationship, leading into your sexual assaults," Kirk said.

Kirk agreed that identifying grooming is difficult but believes lines can be easily crossed — especially in the teaching profession.

Kirk said conversations from a teacher to a student that isn't specifically about school or a sport, "that's crossing the line to me," Kirk said. "They (teachers) shouldn't reach out to (the student) for further conversation."

Kirk reiterated that grooming is not a crime, but sexual contact is — and it will be investigated and prosecuted.

As far as unnecessary communications, "that's official misconduct and the teacher is reprimanded through the school," Kirk said.

How local school districts curb grooming

Russell Superintendent Sean Horne said his district takes its duty to protect students seriously.

"Parents trust us with their children. We don't take that lightly," Horne said, adding his district is up to date on state ethical standards and mandated reporting as a way to protect from predatory behaviors.

Horne said all school personnel in the state of Kentucky are required by law to report suspected signs of abuse or neglect of a student to supervisors.

"Grooming, 100%, most certainly falls under that," Horne said, adding his staff is trained to report any suspected violation no matter how slight it may seem.

In Carter County, Superintendent Paul Green spoke about his staff in the same way.

"We are big believers in our professional code of conduct for educators," Green said, adding a large portion of yearly meetings with teachers strictly focuses on inappropriate relationships.

"In the past several months, surrounding districts have had issues with inappropriate teacher/student relationships. We emphasize zero tolerance (for it)," Green said.

"We're not going to fool around with it," Green continued. "Any violation will automatically trigger disciplinary action or immediate termination of contract."

Boyd County Superintendent Bill Boblett and Greenup County Superintendent Traysea Moresea both utilize online apps and features for one-way communication between teachers and students in their districts that are entirely accessible and monitored by administration.

Moresea's policies in Greenup aligned with Green's in Carter — saying their district also exercised a zero-tolerance policy for inappropriate relationships, with a harsh punishment if discovered.

"If there is an issue in Greenup, we definitely fully investigate it," she said. If inappropriate conduct is revealed, Moresea said, "if it means no longer working with us, we do not hesitate to do so."

"My staff knows they do not text, do not call, do not have extra relationships outside of the school," Moresea added.

All superintendents said they advocate for staff communication outside of school, extracurricular activity or sport to go directly to the parents or adult guardian when feasible — not the child.

Warning signs

In the earlier mentioned publication from the Journal of Child Sexual Abuse, researchers discussed potential warning signs of educator sexual misconduct.

According to their report, signs of a grooming situation may showcase: obvious or inappropriate preferential treatment of a student, excessive time spent alone or outside of the classroom with a student, befriending parents or making home visits, giving gifts, exchanging texts, cards or letters to a student, inappropriate calls, or flirtatious behavior accompanied by "off-color" remarks.

As previously discussed, distinguishing grooming from a genuine teacher and student rapport is difficult and often times not discovered until a child has already become a victim.

In a still-pending civil suit against Rowan County Schools, a former coach and teacher, Andrew Zaheri, faces accusations of grooming.

Zaheri (also facing criminal charges of multiple counts of third-degree rape, third-degree sodomy and promoting a sexual performance by a minor) is accused of purposefully building a trustworthy relationship with a female student beginning when she was 14 years old, per the civil suit.

Throughout the relationship, court records indicate Zaheri showered the student with gifts, recruited her to be his teaching assistant, accompanied her on out-of-state trips, exchanged text messages, etc., all in an attempt to progress the potentially innocent "relationship" toward the alleged sexual one.

Court records state it took approximately two years for the questionable conduct to turn physical and the school failed to intervene when concerns about the "relationship" were raised during the alleged grooming phase.

If the allegations against Zaheri are confirmed, glaring warning signs were clearly present when put next to the researcher's grooming behavior patterns.

In another example, Tony E. Clarke, a former Ashland Blazer High School teacher, received a two-year sentence in 2019 for sexually abusing a minor.

According to initial reports, former Assistant Commonwealth's Attorney Christina Smith alleged grooming was a large portion of that case, writing, "The defendant was grooming (the victim) over a period of time, building her trust and affection for him through a number of different ways, including letting her drive his car, buying her food and providing her with things she was not legally allowed to have to due to her age."

In a tragic turn of events, both cases (allegedly) contained textbook grooming signs that, if reported on, could have prevented the sexual violation of a young student.

Superintendent Horne again focused on an adult and school staff's duty to report — no matter how small the inquiry may seem.

"Whether it's very small or serious in nature, you've got to act quickly," Horne said.

The National Sexual Assault Hotline is 1-800-656-4673. Visit www.rainn.org/resources for more information.

Editor's note: Editor Aaron Snyder also contributed to this report.

(606) 326-2652 — mjepling@dailyindependent.com