Detroit Lions great Chris Spielman shares biggest mistake when wife was fighting cancer

Chris Spielman rocked back and forth behind the microphone, the intensity and passion oozing out of him as he pounded his fist against the podium.

“I want to be truthful and honest with you,” Spielman said Wednesday to about 70 cancer warriors — some who are fighting cancer now, others who have beat it and a third group who have built their life’s work around helping anyone touched by it.

“Because if I can't be truthful and honest with you, then we don't have trust and we don't have a relationship,” Spielman continued. “We have a bond and a relationship. So, I'm going to be totally vulnerable and truthful with you.”

Then, this former Detroit Lions great spent about an hour telling the story of how he lost his first wife, Stefanie, to cancer. It was like watching him cut open his chest and pull out his heart, letting everyone see the pain and agony.

“I'm going to tell you the mistakes that I made,” Spielman said. “The biggest mistake that I made when Stef was sick, you know what I did? I denied people the opportunity to serve my family. Why? What do you think it was, take a guess?”

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“Pride,” said somebody, sitting in a row of chairs set up at Ford Field.

“Yeah,” he nodded his head.

“Shame,” a man added.

“Yeah, shame,” Spielman said. “Because you know what? I blamed myself, which is insane. But we blame ourselves. There's no reason to blame ourselves but pride. Then a good friend of mine who respects me too much not to tell me the truth came up to me and said, ‘Why are you denying people the privilege and honor to serve you and your family? How selfish of you.’

“And boy, did that hit like a ton of bricks.”

His message was powerful despite its nuance: Nobody should go through this alone. There are resources available to help, places such as Henry Ford Health, American Cancer Society and Gilda’s Club Detroit.

“So, find people,” Spielman said. “Most people want to help. They want to serve; they want to love. Don't deny them that — that’s selfish. Look for it, ask for it. Don't be like me and make that mistake. I made that mistake the first two times. In Rounds 3, 4 and 5, I would have detailed lists of 'here's what you can do.' Bam. Don't make that mistake.”

The event was timed to coincide with Crucial Catch, the NFL’s initiative that focuses on cancer awareness, prevention and early detection. At Sunday’s game at Ford Field, the Lions will honor many who have been touched by cancer. But it’s really the entire stadium, right? It’s the entire fanbase. Cancer touches everybody — both of my wife’s parents died from cancer.

“We're connected,” Spielman said.

But never defeated.

“There was this great British warrior, Sir Andrew Barton,” Spielman continued. “And he had this quote: ‘I am hurt. But I am not yet slain. I shall lie down and bleed a while. But I will rise and fight again.' ”

Spielman’s voice was rising. He was getting pumped up.

“Just keep rising,” Spielman said. “You can do this.”

The old linebacker was coming out of him. The warrior. They guy who kept playing for the Lions even after his body went numb from a neck injury.

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“First of all, operate from a position of victory,” he said. “We don't go into battle with defeat on our mind. We go into battle with victory on our mind.”

But other times, he was soft and vulnerable, offering heart-felt encouragement, understanding the pain and fear that comes from cancer.

“If you have a faith, stand firm in your faith,” he said. “You all have it in you, man. Gosh, I get so excited. I get goosebumps. You have to be men and women of strength. Now you're gonna have your moments (of fear), but you have your moment, you gather yourself and you find your strength through music, through prayer, through your friends, through your family, through Henry Ford, through Gilda’s House (Club), through the American Cancer Society. You have to be men and women of courage. You can't live a life and not be brave. You can't. You have to have courage.

“Borrow it, if you're feeling scared.”

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After his speech, more than a dozen people lined up to talk to Spielman. To thank him. To tell them a tiny bit of their story.

“One day at a time,” Spielman said to a man with Stage 4 cancer.

Now, for a second, zoom out and view the big picture.

Because it’s all connected.

This event isn’t separate from what happens on the field — it’s actually one of the threads that make up the fabric of this organization.

Sheila Hamp, the Lions owner, made a brilliant move by bringing in Spielman to help shape the front office and hire head coach Dan Campbell.

Spielman's title is vague: special assistant to the owner.

But it should be: heart and soul of this organization. Or maybe: north star.

Because the Lions are built in Spielman’s image. This entire organization is built on everything Spielman believes in: Being tough, hard-nosed, passionate and principled. Being a teammate above all else.

But it’s also about love.

A love of football. A love of winning. A love for the team above self. A love for each other.

“You do everything with love,” Spielman said, and when he says it, I promise it doesn’t sound weak or hokey. “Love conquers all.”

And yes, grit. It’s all tied together. How the front office was built. How the Lions hired Campbell. How the Lions are drafting a specific type of player. And yes, how they are finding success on the field.

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It’s all tied together.

And it was no wonder why former players, members of the front office and even some coaches' wives came to this event.

Holly Campbell, the wife of head coach Dan Campbell, sat in the back of the room, and her presence says all you need to know about the strong, unspoken bonds that unite this entire organization, way off the field.

She was there to support Spielman. “I nearly cried four times,” she said. “And I’m not a crier.”

What? You expected Dan Campbell to marry a crier?

A few minutes earlier, Holly Campbell was talking to Laura Varon Brown, the executive director and CEO of Gilda’s Club Metro Detroit, a wonderful organization that provides support and breaks down barriers to care.

“Holly Campbell offered some of the players’ wives to come and volunteer,” Varon Brown said.

How awesome.

Then, someone with Stage 4 lung cancer walked up. “She's like, ‘What can you do to help me and my family?’” Varon Brown said. “So that's an amazing thing. We've got a new family that will be coming to us because of this.”

Think about all the things that came together at that moment. Here you have Hamp hiring Spielman, who gives a speech about his wife, urging people to seek help, and that help is right there.

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Like it’s all just meant to come together.

Connections — that’s what this is all about.

The NFL’s Crucial Catch program — the event on Sunday — is about making everybody feel like they are together in this.

It’s about unity, something at the core of Spielman's beliefs.

Nothing about Spielman can be separated — he is a man of faith, family, football and passion. It’s all blended together, and yes, it has been shaped by cancer. Even his future.

“Look, I know I'm destined to have cancer,” he said. “I don't know what it's going to be, I just know I am gonna get it. My grandfather had it. My dad had it. My other grandfather had it. My grandmother had it. It's coming. But that's all right. When it comes, it comes, we will deal with it. (Wife) Carrie and I will deal with it. That's what we do. We don't operate out of fear. We had a saying, today's a good day, tomorrow looks pretty good; after that, we don't know. So we will live today. We will live today.”

Amen.

I used to respect and admire Spielman.

Now, I love the guy.

Contact Jeff Seidel at jseidel@freepress.com or follow him @seideljeff.

Next up: Panthers

Matchup: Lions (3-1) vs. Panthers (0-4).

Kickoff: 1 p.m. Sunday; Ford Field, Detroit.

TV/radio: Fox; WXYT-FM (97.1).

Line: Lions by 8½.

This article originally appeared on Detroit Free Press: Detroit Lions' Chris Spielman sharing secret for dealing with cancer