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These college football bowl games are a joke. So let's make fun of them

Brad Myers, Delaware News Journal
·7 min read
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This annual column making fun of college football bowl games turns 16 years old this year.

Don’t worry. We’re not going to apply for a driver’s license.

Because some of these jokes are guaranteed to crash - just like the Scooter’s Coffee Frisco Bowl. Parallel parking between two tractor trailers is easier than coming up with something funny about all 44 “postseason classics.”

Michigan coach Jim Harbaugh (left) and Alabama coach Nick Saban probably won't be cracking jokes before their CFP semifinal game, like they did here before meeting in the 2019 Citrus Bowl.
Michigan coach Jim Harbaugh (left) and Alabama coach Nick Saban probably won't be cracking jokes before their CFP semifinal game, like they did here before meeting in the 2019 Citrus Bowl.

But here we go again, insulting teams, coaches, sponsors and cities. Because just like a failing a driver’s test, we don’t know when to stop …

Myrtle Beach Bowl

Dec. 16, Georgia Southern vs. Ohio in Conway, S.C.: Kicks off at 11 a.m., when everyone in Myrtle Beach is on a golf course.

Cricket Celebration Bowl

Dec. 16, Howard vs. Florida A&M in Atlanta: Always wondered what would happen if a Bison were attacked by a Rattler.

R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl

Dec. 16, Jacksonville State vs. Louisiana in New Orleans: If you’re having trouble remembering the 2017 game, when Louisiana Tech beat Arkansas State 47-28, it’s because Troy beat North Texas 50-30 that year.

Avocados From Mexico Cure Bowl

Dec. 16, Miami (Ohio) vs. Appalachian State in Orlando: Mexico? Isn’t Donald Trump going to try to stop this?

This is, in fact, an avocado from Mexico. The country supplies about 43 percent of world avocado exports.
This is, in fact, an avocado from Mexico. The country supplies about 43 percent of world avocado exports.

Isleta New Mexico Bowl

Dec. 16, New Mexico State vs. Fresno State in Albuquerque: New Mexico? Isn’t Donald Trump going to try to stop this?

LA Bowl

Dec. 16, UCLA vs. Boise State in Inglewood, Calif.: Could be worse, UCLA. You could be playing in the bowl game in Boise.

Radiance Technologies Independence Bowl

Dec. 16, Cal vs. Texas Tech in Shreveport, La.: Also known as the Cradle of Semi-Legendary New York Giants Quarterbacks, as both Eli Manning (2002) and Daniel Jones (2018) are former Independence Bowl Offensive MVPs.

Famous Toastery Bowl

Dec. 18, Western Kentucky vs. Old Dominion in Charlotte, N.C.: Famous Toastery, a regional restaurant chain with 26 locations, claims to be The Toastery With The Mostery. It now sponsors The Bowl Game With The Leastery.

Scooter’s Coffee Frisco Bowl

Dec. 19, UTSA vs. Marshall in Frisco, Texas: It’s gonna take six Scooter’s Iced Praline Carameliciouses to get through this game.

RoofClaim.com Boca Raton Bowl

Dec. 21, South Florida vs. Syracuse in Boca Raton, Fla.: Like everybody else in Boca Raton, this game should be retired.

SHIFTING LINEUP Are Eagles quietly reducing veterans' playing time as Nolan Smith, Kelee Ringo play more?

Union Home Mortgage Gasparilla Bowl

Dec. 22, Georgia Tech vs. UCF in Tampa, Fla.: Mortgage rates are much higher than a couple of years ago, yet this game suffers from a lack of interest.

Birmingham Bowl

Dec. 23, Troy vs. Duke in Birmingham, Ala.: Duke has to be wondering why it’s not in the Duke’s Mayo Bowl.

Camellia Bowl

Dec. 23, Arkansas State vs. Northern Illinois in Montgomery, Ala.: The most exciting thing to hit Montgomery since that boat dock brawl in August.

Lockheed Martin Armed Forces Bowl

Dec. 23, James Madison vs. Air Force in Fort Worth, Texas: Would be a head scratcher for the real James Madison, fourth president of the United States. In his day, the Air Force (and airplanes) hadn’t been invented and Fort Worth was in Mexico.

Famous Idaho Potato Bowl

Dec. 23, Georgia State vs. Utah State in Boise, Idaho: Voted Best Bowl Game Played on Blue Turf in three of the last 18 years.

68 Ventures Bowl

Dec. 23, South Alabama vs. Eastern Michigan in Mobile, Ala.: Or maybe its Eastern Alabama vs. South Michigan. Tune in and find out.

SRS Distribution Las Vegas Bowl

Dec. 23, Utah vs. Northwestern in Las Vegas: Probably not as big as the next bowl played in Vegas – Super Bowl LVIII on Feb. 11.

EasyPost Hawaii Bowl

Dec. 23, Coastal Carolina vs. San Jose State in Honolulu: Of all the teams available, they send two already located minutes from a beach.

B.C. Bowl

Dec. 24, Washington State vs. Colorado State in Vancouver, British Columbia: Don’t miss the first bowl game played under Canadian Football League rules.

Quick Lane Bowl

Dec. 26, Bowling Green vs. Minnesota in Detroit: Not many teams start the season saying, “If everything goes perfectly, we’ll wind up in Detroit.”

Servpro First Responder Bowl

Dec. 26, Texas State vs. Rice in Dallas: Both teams hoping to be rescued from this bowl.

Guaranteed Rate Bowl

Dec. 26, Kansas vs. UNLV in Phoenix: Would draw a bigger crowd if it was a basketball game.

Military Bowl presented by GoBowling.com

Dec. 27, Virginia Tech vs. Tulane in Annapolis, Md.: New Orleans has 97 bowl games, and they send Tulane to Maryland.

It's not New Orleans, but Annapolis will have to do for Tulane's bowl game this year.
It's not New Orleans, but Annapolis will have to do for Tulane's bowl game this year.

Duke’s Mayo Bowl

Dec. 27, North Carolina vs. West Virginia in Charlotte, N.C.: Like most things involving mayonnaise, this could turn into a real mess.

DirecTV Holiday Bowl

Dec. 27, Louisville vs. USC in San Diego: Like the rest of us, Caleb Williams will be doing something else that night.

TaxAct Texas Bowl

Dec. 27, Texas A&M vs. Oklahoma State in Houston: Which has more zeros, the TV rating for this game or Jimbo Fisher’s tax return?

Wasabi Fenway Bowl

Dec. 28, SMU vs. Boston College in Boston: I’ve got Bernie Carbo winning this one with a three-run homer.

Here's Bernie Carbo, crossing home plate after tying Game 6 of the 1975 World Series with a three-run homer.
Here's Bernie Carbo, crossing home plate after tying Game 6 of the 1975 World Series with a three-run homer.

Bad Boy Mowers Pinstripe Bowl

Dec. 28, Rutgers vs. Miami in New York: The Bad Boy MZ Magnum can, in fact, be set up to mow pinstripes.

Pop-Tarts Bowl

Dec. 28, North Carolina State vs. Kansas State in Orlando: Winner gets the Frosted Chocolate Fudge. Loser gets the Unfrosted Ghost Pepper.

Valero Alamo Bowl

Dec. 28, Arizona vs. Oklahoma in San Antonio: The only joke we have repeated for all 16 years … Remember the Alamo, forget this game.

TaxSlayer Gator Bowl

Dec. 29, Clemson vs. Kentucky in Jacksonville, Fla.: Who wants to see Dabo Swinney wrestle an alligator at halftime?

Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl

Dec. 29, Oregon State vs. Notre Dame in El Paso, Texas: Winning coach gets doused in Frosted Flakes.

You thought we were kidding about the winning coach getting doused in Frosted Flakes? Here it is happening to Central Michigan coach Jim McElwain in 2021.
You thought we were kidding about the winning coach getting doused in Frosted Flakes? Here it is happening to Central Michigan coach Jim McElwain in 2021.

AutoZone Liberty Bowl

Dec. 29, Memphis vs. Iowa State in Memphis, Tenn.: Another year goes by without Liberty playing in the Liberty Bowl.

Goodyear Cotton Bowl Classic

Dec. 29, Missouri vs. Ohio State in Arlington, Texas: Appropriate sponsor because this could turn into a blowout.

TransPerfect Music City Bowl

Dec. 30, Auburn vs. Maryland in Nashville, Tenn.: Sad songs are written every day in Nashville. You could fill an album with this game.

Barstool Sports Arizona Bowl

Dec. 30, Toledo vs. Wyoming in Tucson, Ariz.: If this was a rodeo, it wouldn’t be Wyoming’s first.

Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl

Dec. 30, Ole Miss vs. Penn State in Atlanta: Yang Yang, a panda at Zoo Atlanta, has picked Penn State. And he's been right the last three years, so load up on that.

Capital One Orange Bowl

Dec. 30, Georgia vs. Florida State in Miami: If Florida State wins, the Seminoles will be wearing “14-0 NATIONAL CHAMPIONS” T-shirts as soon as the game ends.

ReliaQuest Bowl

Jan. 1, Wisconsin vs. LSU in Tampa, Fla.: The bowl every Heisman Trophy winner wants to skip.

Cheez-It Citrus Bowl

Jan. 1, Iowa vs. Tennessee in Orlando: Cheez-Its are orange. Citrus is orange. Tennessee wears orange. So, I know it sounds corny, but we’re picking Iowa.

Vrbo Fiesta Bowl

Jan. 1, Liberty vs. Oregon in Glendale, Ariz.: As Patrick Henry once said to the Virginia Assembly, “Give me Liberty, or … wait a minute. Give me Oregon.”

CFP Semifinal at the Rose Bowl Game Presented by Prudential

Jan. 1, Alabama vs. Michigan in Pasadena, Calif.: Michigan probably has Alabama’s signals. It won’t matter. Tide rolls, 31-20.

CFP Semifinal at the Allstate Sugar Bowl

Jan. 1, Texas vs. Washington in New Orleans: Growing up in Arkansas, I learned to never pick Texas to win anything. Washington, 38-27.

Did you know Washington beat Texas 27-20 in the 2022 Alamo Bowl?
Did you know Washington beat Texas 27-20 in the 2022 Alamo Bowl?

CFP National Championship Presented by AT&T

Jan. 8 in Houston: We’re saying Alabama 31, Washington 28. Just to make Florida State mad all over again.

But wait … there’s more! This year, we’re looking ahead to two future bowls:

$6 Million Bowl

Sept. 13, 2025, Sam Houston State vs. Delaware in Newark, Del: Seems like a lot of money to get K.C. Keeler to come back to Delaware.

Skyrizi Bowl

Dec. 19, 2027, Delaware vs. the 17th-place team from the Big Ten in Fargo, N.D.: You heard it here first.

As always, I’ll take the Pineapples over the Surfboards in the Hula Bowl, the South in the East-West Shrine Bowl, the Sophomores in the Senior Bowl and the Campbell Conference over the Norris Division in the Pro Bowl.

By the way, that B.C. Bowl is a fake. I just made it up to show how there are too many bowl games and they all blend together.

Contact Brad Myers at bmyers@delawareonline.com. Follow on X (aka Twitter): @BradMyersTNJ

This article originally appeared on Delaware News Journal: College football bowl games are a joke. So let's make fun of them