These Ten Things: Michigan State's defense is football porn
Every Monday, Eye on College Football's Tom Fornelli looks back at 10 things that stood out to him over the college football weekend -- everything from the awesome to the just plain stupid. Mostly stupid.
Is it just me, or did we just finish watching what felt like the first real weekend of the college football season? There were thrilling games requiring Hail Mary finishes, top-ranked teams surviving scares from underdogs, other top-ranked teams not being able to stave off the upset, and Alabama systematically destroying an opponent.
It just felt right.
No offense to the first three weeks of the season, as they definitely had their moments, but I just can't help but believe the season is ready to roll now. But before it does, let's take a look back at some of the best* things that happened over the weekend.
*Best is whatever the hell I want it to mean in this case.
1. Michigan State's defense is football porn to me.
I love when Michigan State plays a bad team because it means that my favorite defense in college football is going to do even more damage than usual. It's not just that the Spartans defense is good and shuts opponents down, it's mean, too.
Look at the box score from Michigan State's 73-14 win over Eastern Michigan.
Now, the box score does a decent job of showing the dominance of the Sparty defense, but it doesn't show the whole picture. First of all, Eastern Michigan only managed 1 yard of offense in the first half. One. That's three feet of offense. Sparty had a 49-0 lead at that point. The Eagles would pick up some yards and points in the second half when Michigan State began allowing fans to put on the pads and play.
But the box score and 1 yard of offense in the first half simply not tell the whole story of the Michigan State defense as well as this photo does:
I love this defense so darn much.
2. UConn should start punting on its first offensive play of the day.
UConn and South Florida played a game in Tampa on Friday night in the midst of a storm. Considering the weather and the two teams on the field, it's not much of a surprise that Raymond James Stadium looked like this shortly before kickoff.
It wouldn't fill up much before the game started.
And that means there weren't a lot of people on hand to witness the Huskies fumble the ball on their first drive of the game. Now, that's not a very big deal. Teams fumble the football all the time, especially in wet conditions, but UConn is becoming very good at it.
It was the fourth-straight game in which the Huskies fumbled the ball away on their opening drive. If they ever win a coin toss they should choose to punt.
3. The saddest fan in the world.
Sticking with that UConn-USF game, not many people showed up, but this guy did. And it's a decision he's going to regret for the rest of his life.
I don't know for a fact that this guy actually traveled all the way from Connecticut and covered himself in paint to watch his team lose in the rain, but I'd like to think he did. I'd also like to think he went straight to the airport from the game and boarded his flight still painted and soaking wet. Then, as he sat there in a middle seat, knees pushed into his chest by the passenger reclining in front of him, he just let the tears flow.
4. Kaelin Clay's Heisman pose.
The least offensive thing that happened in Michigan Stadium Saturday. (USATSI)
The form wasn't perfect, but I loved it when Utah's Kaelin Clay busted out the Heisman pose in the Big House anyway. And the reason I loved it is because he had to have planned it. He had to.
Before the game began, Clay no doubt told one of his teammates, "I'm going to return a punt for a touchdown and then do the Heisman pose just like Desmond Howard did." And then he actually did it.
And before you start asking why Clay's Heisman pose was awesome, yet when LSU's Leonard Fournette did it he received so much backlash, don't. Don't make yourself look like an idiot. Fournette posed after a four-yard run against Sam Houston State. Clay did his in Ann Arbor after a 66-yard punt return, and it was his second punt return touchdown of the season.
5. Wikipedia has already fired Brady Hoke.
After Michigan lost to Utah on Saturday, I wrote that Brady Hoke's seat has never been hotter than it is right now. Well, apparently somebody took to Wikipedia to just light Hoke's seat on fire.
Go ahead and click that photo to enlarge it if you need to.
Once you've lost Wikipedia, you've lost somebody on the internet who took the time to edit a page. I'm not sure you can come back from that.
It wasn't all bad for Michigan on Saturday, though, as it did have a Fat Guy Touchdown.
That Fat Guy Touchdown is one more touchdown than the Michigan offense has managed against a Power 5 opponent this season.
6. I love everything about this photo.
It has everything from Ruffin McNeil emerging from the smoke like some sort of action-movie hero, to a dude dressed as a pirate who seems to be having some kind of digestion problems at the moment, to an ECU team that put up 789 yards of offense and 70 points against a school from the ACC. In order to protect that poor school's identity, I won't share its name here.
I'll just say that its name rhymes with Fourth Carolina Car Wheels.
7. And then there are the teams that find passing the football to be offensive.
One of the crazier stats from the weekend involves the Minnesota Golden Gophers. Jerry Kill's squad bounced back from a 30-7 loss to TCU last week by beating San Jose State 24-7 on Saturday.
That would not normally be anything special...except for the fact that Minnesota completed only one pass in the entire game.
Gophers quarterback Chris Streveler dropped back to pass seven times and completed only one of his attempts. It was a pass that went to Drew Wolitarsky for 7 yards. Streveler completed as many passes to his teammates as he did to San Jose State.
And Minnesota won by 17 points. It's the Big Ten, baby. Catch the excitement.
8. I have no idea what this sign means.
Kansas State put forth an excellent defensive effort on Thursday night, better than any other team against Auburn since Gus Malzahn took over, but it wasn't enough as the Wildcats fell. Perhaps it was because the team was too busy trying to figure out what this sign meant.
Any clue?
Is it a reference to Kansas State's mascot, because I have to be honest, Kansas State's mascot has always bothered me.
Why does Willie the Wildcat have the head of a cat but the body of a human?! What are they doing in the veterinary school in Manhattan?! This goes against so many laws of nature!
Seriously, buy the whole costume, Kansas State. The College Football Playoff should bring in enough money to the athletic department for such an expense.
9. Let's never put this combination of uniforms on the field at the same time again.
Listen, West Virginia and Oklahoma played one of the more entertaining games of the weekend, but the combination of these uniforms is just...no. Never again. Please. Oklahoma called this look "Bring The Wood," and I guess it kind of worked because when paired with West Virginia's uniforms, I was seriously considering bringing the wood shards to my eyes so that I wouldn't have to look at it any longer.
10. Knock - the - dang - ball - down.
I love Hail Marys. They're exciting because they always carry the potential for insanity, though they seldom actually deliver it. On Saturday night/Sunday morning, long after many college football fans on the East Coast had gone to bed (wimps), the insanity was delivered.
The most insane thing, of course, being that there are like four Cal defenders around the ball and none of them even seem to try to knock the pass down.
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