February 10, 2011
Listen, we get it, Littlest Utah Jazz Fan. Carlos Boozer's(notes) head can be intimidating and disconcerting when viewed at its normal size, let alone when it's comically overblown into a giant sign that evokes a retconned and rebooted Ego the Living Planet.
And while you're a purebred Jazzbo conditioned to be ticked at Booze's offseason bye-bye, when you see that mammoth lower lip jutting out just so — seriously, if you stare at it long enough, you can see it start to quiver, like a 'bout-to-cry Magic Eye — it throws your emotions all off-balance. I've been there; I feel you, baby. (Wait.)
Of course you're crying, young Jace Iverson, which is a pretty sweet name. Things are confusing and scary and hard to process. Hang in there, li'l shaver, and look at Kyrylo Fesenko(notes) for a while. That ought to dry those eyes and turn that frown upside down.
Best caption wins a lifetime supply of No More Tears shampoo. Good luck.
In our last adventure: Andre Miller is a staunch proponent of Thumbs Up Marbles.
Second runner-up, Russell S: Miller: "Yeah! I am the Trail Blazers' thumb-wrestling champion!"
Next day's headline in The Oregonian: "Blazers PG Miller out for season with torn hamstrings of both thumbs"
NOTE: While Portland's injury bug is a lofty ol' meme indeed, this merited inclusion if for no other reason than how much fun it is to think of the non-word "thumbhamstring."