If I have to hear Palombo tell me one more time about how sad he was when Sampdoria got relegated, I'm going to stab myself in the eye with Giuseppe Rossi. ... Seriously, how can a person be as rich as he is and still be so boring? ... Maybe if I eat my finger, I can get out of this conversation. ... His neck stars look like something Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue did to him. ... Where is Mario Balotelli when you need him? ... Oh, there he is. Why is he driving his Maserati right at us at an incredibly high rate of speed...
If this guy was on my team I would kick his face off of his face...
I need an adult! I need an adult!
There are several things bothering me right now. ... First, who knew this Al Wasl thing was more than just one match? That info would've been useful before I signed that contract without reading it. ... Then, there are the dinosaurs running FIFA. Dinosaurs should not be running anything. Because they are dinosaurs. ... Then, there's the fact that I'm not still manager of Argentina. I don't care if they end up winning the Copa America without me. I would've done it while wearing two watches. ... Then, everyone still makes cocaine jokes about me ALL THE TIME. Yes. I did cocaine. A lot of it. And it almost made my heart explode. Get over it. ... Now. I have to figure out a way to keep the Italian tax authorities from confiscating these headphones...
Photos: AP, Reuters
- Mario Balotelli
- Motley Crue
- Nikki Sixx
- Zlatan Ibrahimovic