"We're all clear on the rules, right? No double bounces or inviting Pepe Reina." (mirrorfootball.co.uk)
Currently suffering the second worst form in the Premier League — and faced with the devastating prospect of having to field players like Stewart Downing and Andy Carroll in upcoming matches — Liverpool have decided to stop playing football, electing to become the inaugural league members of a new game they call MakeBallGoOverNetBall. (The name was reportedly inspired by Charlie Adam's tendencies in Carling Cup shootouts.)
Liverpool FC, now known as Liverpool MBGONBC, have not released the following statement: "To be honest, we're all just a bit tired of perpetually underachieving at football. And even if you win something, you just have to compete to win it again the year after. What's the point in that?
"We've decided to honor the legacy set out by Liverpool legends like Abel Xavier and Erik Meijer with MakeBallGoOverNetBall, a game devised by the smartest people at the club — the ones who write all of the press releases."
With it's strict Alex Ferguson caps (a maximum of zero Alex Fergusons allowed per team) and vast potential for salacious puns about big balls, Liverpool are confident the new MakeBallGoOverNetBall league will take them less than 23 years to win.
- Andy Carroll