DT Exclusive: Ask Kaka

Brooks Peck

While Real Madrid maintain their position atop La Liga and Kaka enjoys a run of good health, the Brazilian decided to once again visit a group of school children and answer any questions they had for him. The following is a transcript of that session.

Kaka: Hello, children! I am so very happy to be here with all of you today. I have been very busy with my football, but it's fantastic to see all of your smiling faces. Now who has a question?

Dimitri: Hi, Kaka. I'm Dimitri and I'm 9. Lionel Messi is the best player who ever lived.

Kaka: Well, that's not really a question, but that's alright, Dimitri. Messi is definitely a truly wonderful footballer and a joy to watch. Of course, there are also some other great footballers like Pele and Maradona and the two best players I have ever played with -- Ronaldo and Cristiano Ronaldo. Who has the next question? Or a question?

Phil: Hi Kaka, I'm Phil and I like birds. I keep forgetting that you exist. Why?

Kaka: I, uh, I don't why, Phil. Perhaps because there are many, many great footballers on Real Madrid who all deserve a lot of praise, but I feel like I've had a very good season after recovering from some difficult injuries. So hopefully you will remember me more soon. I will remember you always!

Becca: Hi, Kaka. My name is Becca and I have a pony. Why do you hate Lionel Messi? He is so nice and he smells like cuddles.

Kaka: No no, Becca. I don't hate him at all! Leo is a superb person and a tremendous footballer, but, like I said, there are also other tremendous footballers, too. That's all.

Steve: Hi, Kaka. I'm Steve and I ate a pencil. Say Messi is the best. Say it or I'll forget how to read.

Kaka: Children, please -- there is no reason to get upset about this. Messi is one of the greatest to every play the game, definitely. I like him very much. Perhaps we, uh, perhaps we should change the subject. Does anyone have a question about how happy I am at Real Madrid or what I like to eat before a big match?

Sandra: Hi, Kaka. I'm Sandra and I'm 8. My brother says our grandparents are dead because you won't admit that Messi is the best person of all time and buy him the Lego Hogwarts Castle playset that he's always wanted. Why do you give people diabetes?

Kaka: Oh wow- wow, no, Sandra. I'm sorry you think that, but I did not give anyone diabetes and I- I am almost certain that I'm not the reason your grandparents died. I would be happy to buy Leo a Lego Hogwarts Castle playset if it would make anyone feel better, but, children, there doesn't have to be one best player of all time. It's OK if we have different opinions about it because that's what makes the world such a magical place. Now, please, lets move past all that and talk about nicer things. Deal?

Ben: Hi, Kaka. My name is Ben and I really want to play football like Leo when I grow up, but I know no one has ever played like him before or will play like him ever again. Should I just accept a life of depression, marry someone I don't love and endure the fact that my life is going to be terrible and meaningless like yours?

Kaka: I, uh...oh wow. Ben, life is an amazing gift whether you can play football like Messi or not. My life is not terrible at all and I do love my wife. I don't know why you included that in your description. But, look, children, I think maybe we should stop worrying about Lionel Messi and just have fun. Please? Can we have fun and laugh together like happy friends?

Steve: I don't know what vowels are anymore.

Sandra: My other grandparents are dead now.

Kaka: Jesus.